*Disclaimer: I’m not a therapist, but I feel compelled to give some tips for a happy marriage. You can take all of them with a grain of salt, and this is by no means a prescription for what will work for your relationship. If you’re in a serious situation, please contact a professional. Now back to the blog.
This blog mainly focuses on weddings, but what is the secret to a happy marriage? When all the fanfare and excitement of the actually wedding is over and done with, how to you keep your relationship on course?
If you’ve ever been in a long-term relationship (and I’m assuming that’s most people reading this post), you know that they can be rough. And the thing is, the time before your wedding is typically one of the easy periods. Once you get married, you may face more and more relationship stressors such as sharing finances, raising children, or caring for family members, and a strong marriage will keep you both sane and secure during tough times.
A happy marriage needs nurturing and intention. For most couples, if one or both people become distracted or uninterested in their marriage for a long period of time, cracks can form and the foundation of what you’ve built can crumble. And no one wants that, in the long run. With some care and planning, your marriage can have the best shot of remaining happy during rough periods.
No relationship is perfect, but the goal is to keep your marriage happy, most of the time. It’s okay to argue and to disagree with your partner. But over the long run, you should feel that you are with a good match for you, and that you can rely on each other for support.
10 Tips For A Healthy & Happy Marriage
This post is filled with actionable tips that you can use to have a happy marriage, long after your wedding. Some of the suggestions may feel strange to you. Others may inspire you. You may even be doing many of these things. The dynamics of each relationship vary, and there is no one size fits all. No matter what, it’s important to be aware of the possibilities out there, to give your marriage the best change of lasting a lifetime.
Let’s delve into it!
1. COMMUNICATION FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
I’m sure when most people think about what a healthy marriage entails, they immediately think of communication. It seems like a no-brainer, but when you step back and analyze what it means, chances are there are some ways you can improve it in your own relationship.
With communication, it’s all about moderating your responses to meet your situation. In times of happiness or stress, your communication style with your partner will vary. It’s important to respond the right way when you’re upset, annoyed, or hurt, and spend time listening as well as speaking.
If you’re in a heated argument with your partner, take a step back and a deep breath before going on. Remaining calm allows other people to take you more seriously and seek to understand your perspective. Additionally, if you’re upset with each other, take some time to step away before trying to resolve your issue. Sometimes a little space can help calm emotions so you are able to properly accept what the other is saying.
Whether you’re in an argument or not, try practicing active listening. This is when you intake what your partner has said, and then think about your response. Aim to be kind and supportive whenever possible.
2. NURTURE EACH OTHER
Just like anything that you’d like to grow and mature, your relationship needs nurturing.
What does this mean? Well, start with paying attention to your partner and seeking to understand their needs. Find ways to be present with them, and try to accept their feedback about their experiences. You may find that there’s something you can do to help them be happier, and that, in turn, will help your marriage.
As with anything you’re trying to nurture, find ways to care for your partner. Sometimes this means that they will need a little more love and attention. Sometimes they will need a little space. You may also need to look at your own behavior. Over time, it may become easy to ignore ways to make your partner feel loved, like giving them a big hug whenever you meet or part. Small shifts on your part can make a big impact on your partner.
3. DATE EACH OTHER
Hopefully, you never stop dating your partner.
You know what I mean. When you start a relationship, it’s usually so fun. You look for ways to go out, and find new experience to share with each other. Once you’ve been together for a long time, and life gets in the way, it’s easy to lose motivation to find new experiences or focus your energy on things outside your marriage. That’s why it’s crucial to keep your dating life alive.
Keep in mind that a date can be anything. It can be going out to a restaurant, a movie, a hike, having take out dinner, or going on an extravagant trip. Whatever works for you and your situation should be explored. It can involve things that you know you both love to do, or things that you want to try out. As long as you schedule the time to be with your spouse, and plan on making them the top priority in that time, you’ll be on a successful date.
4. UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER’S LOVE LANGUAGES
Have you ever heard of the book The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman?
If not, let me give you a little preview. This book claims that everyone gives and feels love by speaking one of five languages. These are quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, gift giving, and acts of service. In order to speak your partner’s love language, it’s important to understand what makes them feel loved.
For example, your partner may crave physical touch. However, you may be more willing to give them quality time. This could be a disconnect, leaving your partner feeling unloved, when you feel like you are constantly giving them love. If you were aware that your partner needs physical touch, then you can modify your own behavior to improve your relationship.
The book helps you understand how to approach each other, and really comprehend what the other needs.
5. SEEK OUTSIDE PROFESSIONAL HELP
Even happy marriages need a little outside help sometimes.
Whether your marriage has some cracks in it, or you’re happy but feel the need to check in, there are options out there for you. Of course, there is marriage counseling, where a trained professional facilitates check-in’s with you and your partner. There are also marriage retreats, where you can get to know your relationship by working with other couples and participating in activities. You may find that speaking with a religious figure helps you work through some marital issues as well.
By working with a professional, you should be able to gather more guidance than if you were just venting to your friends about your partner. And, you’ll be able to understand each other more and have some tools to rely on if things get tough.
6. CREATE BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR FAMILY
Okay, this is a biggie. Often our birth families can get involved in our marriages, and it can drive a big wedge in relationships.
No matter what your situation is, your partner will want to feel that they come first in your life. This means that each partner should have some boundaries with their birth families. This is especially true if those relationships are creating friction with your spouse. It also means that if there is discord between your partner and your birth family, it’s your responsibility to speak up for your partner’s well being. This may be a hard thing for some people, but a happy marriage should come first.
7. CREATE A PLAN FOR STRESS
Stress is inevitable in life. And it’s important to plan for it.
If things are relatively calm, it’s actually the best time to plan for stress. For example, if you’re moving, having a child, changing jobs, or experiencing a health issue, talk about what may happen and how you will support each other through it. Express what the other partner should look for, so they know when you really need to lean on them.
With this plan for stress, you should include ways to check in with each other and ways to help each other through it. For example, you may plan to have a weekly walk. Or, to give each other a little space to focus on the change. It’s important to face stress as a united team, so you can move through it to the other side.
8. CONSIDER YOUR PARTNER AS YOU GROW
As humans, we are constantly growing and changing, in different ways.
Growth can manifest itself in many forms. It could be that one partner has decided to adopt a healthy lifestyle. Or one is going back to school, or starting a business. You could be working on perfecting a hobby. Whatever the growth is, it’s important to factor in how this will impact your partner so they can continue to support you through it.
For example, you and your partner may really enjoy eating pizza every Friday, and have for years. Well, if one day you decide to stop eating pizza, they may have some emotions about missing that experience with you. And they may or may not let you know about those emotions in a healthy way. So, it’s important to acknowledge what is changing and work with your partner to ensure that you can replace the old experience with something that is just as enjoyable.
9. SUPPORT EACH OTHER’S SPACE
Loving someone does not mean spending all of your time with them. In fact, that can lead to a lot of friction between people.
Everyone has a different way that they like to relax, and it’s important to provide your partner the space to explore that as much as they need. Of course, some people like to relax with their loved ones, and that’s okay. However, a little space can make the heart grow fonder.
So, no matter what your relationship is like, each person in it needs to be clear about what works best for them. And the other person needs to seek to understand and support that.
10. DON’T FORGET ROMANCE AND INTIMACY
Alright, saving the best for last.
I’m not going to go too deep into this, but it’s important to keep the spark alive. If you feel that it’s fizzling out, try to understand what’s happening. Maybe you and your partner are too distracted for romance.
It happens.
You may just need to be more structured about romance and intimacy, and even schedule time for it. Sometimes doing something unromantic, like putting romance on the calendar, can become romantic due to the anticipation. Your spouse is supposed to be your partner for the rest of your life, so make time for each other in this way.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
There you go, friends. Ten tips for a healthy and happy marriage. Hopefully you’re already doing many of these tips. If not, give some of them a try. Remember, a happy marriage is one where you don’t forget about your partner. Look for their needs, support them in times of stress and change, and try new experiences that may bring you closer.
More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice:
12 Fun Wedding Planning Tasks To Share With Your Partner
How To Deal With Wedding Planning Stress
Five Crucial Topics To Talk About Before You Get Married
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