Yes, there are rules for wedding guests.
If you’ve ever gone to a wedding as a guest, you know that it can be a bit intimidating to understand what you’re supposed to do, and what to avoid. No one wants to be the guest who breaks the rules. You know, the one who does the thing that is talked about for years afterwards. The guest who’s actions ruined an otherwise perfect day. Yep. You don’t want to be that guest.
I promise you though, that the rules for wedding guests are really not that complicated. In fact, they are mainly based on common sense and social courtesy. It’s all about being respectful of the wedding that is happening, and allowing the events to take place as planned. The rules are also about making the day about the couple getting married, and not about you as a guest.
14 Rules For Wedding Guests
By now, you’re probably wondering what the rules for wedding guests are.
Well, this post is going to deep dive into them all. Some of them are for before the wedding even takes place, others are ceremony specific, and even more are for the event itself. The good news is, that once the wedding is over, there really aren’t a lot of rules anymore. Until then, check out what every wedding guest should know, so you can help make the day the best ever for the couple getting married.
1. RSVP As Soon As You Can
Please, please, please, for the love of all things wedding, RSVP as soon as possible.
When a couple sends out those wedding invitations, it is so exciting. Getting RSVP’s back mean that they can plan properly for so many elements. They will be able to gauge their budget, start working on their seating charts, and provide more information to their vendors. Without the RSVP’s, they are lost as to how to move forward with their wedding planning.
This is why the number one rule for wedding guests is to send back that RSVP, or respond to RSVP’s online if that’s what’s been indicated. Just let the couple know as soon as possible if you can make to the wedding or not. Do not assume that the couple knows you’re coming. They don’t. Make sure that you provide back the details requested of you, and all will be well.
As another caveat to this rule, if you find that you cannot make the wedding after you replied Yes on an RSVP, please let the couple know as soon as possible. And, if you RSVP’d yes to attendance, try your hardest to be there.
2. Be Clear About Your Choice Of Dinner
This rule doesn’t really apply if you’re going to a wedding with a buffet. However, if you are going to a sit down dinner, it does.
If you receive a wedding invitation that asks you if you want chicken or fish, please select one. And also understand that once you’re at the wedding, you probably won’t be able to change your order just because the other option looks better. Weddings are often catered to a specified amount of plates and options. They aren’t set up like restaurants, for the most part. This means that once you make a choice, it’s polite to stick with it.
Of course, if you have dietary restrictions, this is something that you should also note when you reply with your choice. Caterers are often more than willing and able to make accommodations for a ton of different food restrictions, as long as they know about it.
3. Look At The Wedding Website Before Asking Questions
Often couples have wedding websites set up with all the information that guests may be looking for. As a rule, wedding guests should check there for answers.
The great thing about wedding websites is that couples can set them up to help guide guests. And, speaking from experience, it was super frustrating when a guest would ask me basic questions before checking online. When in doubt, check the website for answers, followed by the wedding invitation. If you can’t find what you’re looking for in either of those places, check with someone close to the wedding. As a last resort, ask the couple.
4. Send Large Gifts Ahead Of Time
Here’s the thing about weddings. There is a lot of stuff that is brought to them. And that stuff has to be taken with the couple when they leave. When large gifts are added to the mix, well, it can be the difference between taking one car home, or needing two.
When it comes to wedding gifts, a good rule of thumb is to send one ahead of the wedding. Most couples will have online registries that allow for guests to send gifts to a chosen address. This means that the couple won’t have to make accommodations for transporting the gift once the wedding is over.
Of course, if you are bringing a small gift, like a card, it’s still okay to bring that to the wedding. It is also totally appropriate to send it ahead of time.
5. Don’t Wear White, Unless Requested
This is a wedding guest rule that we can thank Queen Victoria for.
In 1840, one of Queen Victoria’s rules for wedding guests was that no one wore white, other than herself and her bridesmaids, to showcase her presence as the bride. This is a whole blog post that explores Queen Victoria’s trendsetting wedding, if you want to learn more.
The rule about not wearing white is probably the most well known, and hopefully the most well followed rule today at most weddings. Unless specifically requested to wear white by the couple, just avoid it. This also includes off-white, ivory, and light colors that can appear white in dim lighting.
6. Dress Like You’re Going To A Wedding
Okay, along with not wearing white, there is one other clothing-related wedding rule you should follow as guest. Dress appropriately.
When in doubt, dress it up. Most weddings will want you to avoid wearing jeans, so unless the couple (in particular, the bride), has told you to wear them, just don’t. Often there will be some sort of guideline for what to wear on the couple’s wedding website, so check there. Also, don’t be afraid to check with the couple themselves, or someone else close to the wedding, when you plan your outfit. Chances are, they will be aware of the dress code.
7. Show Up At An Appropriate Time
When you’re a wedding guest, please try your hardest to be at the wedding on time.
Showing up on time does not mean that you arrive right when the ceremony is supposed to start. It means arriving with enough time to get situated. You may have to find a parking spot. Or, find the actual ceremony if the space is large. You may want some time to use the facilities, or figure out where you will sit during the wedding. So, if you are a wedding guest, aim to arrive about 20 – 30 minutes before the ceremony start time.
Keep in mind that most weddings do not run late, they are quite prompt. Don’t expect the wedding to be late just because you are.
Also, this rule is doubly true if you are an essential part of the wedding in any way.
8. Silence Your Phone
This should be a no-brainer rule, but still worth stating.
Before the ceremony, do a doublecheck on your phone and make sure it’s ringer is off. This goes for a vibrating buzz as well. Nothing is more distracting than a cell phone going off. Not only can others hear it, but they may be checking their own bags and pockets to make sure it’s not theirs.
This rule is even more important if you are going to an unplugged wedding, which is what this post is all about.
9. Stay Out Of The Photographer & Videographer’s Way
To be a good wedding guest, it’s important that you let the wedding vendors the couple has hired do their job to the best of their ability.
When it comes to photographers and videographers, you can follow the rules by not getting in their way. Pay attention to epic moments like the first kiss and first dance, and be aware of where the photographer is so you can step out of the shot. The same goes for your phone or device, which may be trying to capture the moment as well.
10. Don’t Get Offended If The Couple Can’t Spend A Lot Of Time With You
Wedding days are crazy for the couple getting married, and they are pulled all over the place by everything.
This is why, as a wedding guest, you should follow the rule not to get offended if the couple can’t spend a lot of time with you. They are likely trying to be as gracious as possible, but chances are a longer conversation will end with someone reminding them about the wedding day schedule and where they have to be next.
It can be tempting to monopolize the couple’s time, but best to let things go as planned. If the couple seems distracted while speaking to you, let that go as well. It’s not personal, and it’s probably not about you.
11. Don’t Assume You’re Giving A Speech
As a wedding guest, the rule is that if you haven’t been asked to give a speech, you shouldn’t plan on it.
When it comes to wedding speeches, there is usually a limit that a wedding can handle. Guests get antsy, they lose attention, and there is typically a tight timeline to adhere to. So, unless a member of the couple (or both) have asked you to provide a speech or toast, please don’t prep for one. Most weddings do not have open mic opportunities, and when the party starts, don’t expect it to stop to allow you to say a few words.
12. Stick To The Seating Chart
Most people don’t realize how much thought goes into a seating chart, and why it’s so frustrating if wedding guests make changes once they arrive.
Sticking to the seating chart is definitely a great rule for wedding guests to follow. Yes, there may be a better seat for you in your mind. However, there is probably a reason you’re at the table you’re assigned to. Switching around seats, adding extra seats to tables, and making other changes messes up a lot of planning. It can confuse caterers who are delivering customized dinners. It can also move other guests out of their assigned seats.
When a wedding guest makes changes to their seating assignment, they may not realize that other guests will be impacted. Those other guests may have had special accommodations made for them. Things like special needs, disabilities, and even family dynamics can become unraveled with a simple switching of seats.
13. Don’t Post Wedding Photos Right Away To Social Media
One of the most important rules for wedding guests is to not post photos of the wedding right away on social media. In fact, you may want to wait for the couple themselves to post photos first, and then you can go ahead with yours. The couple may be waiting for professional photos (in great lighting) to be shared before they post anything, so error on the side of caution with this.
Some couples are very private about photos on social media, and a wedding adds extra caution to it. Posting during the event may let others know that it’s going on right then, and where, with cash envelops for the stealing. Also, you may be privy to seeing the bride in her wedding dress before the ceremony but she may not want the world (or groom) to see it on your Instagram stories first.
14. Have Fun!
When a couple is planning a wedding, they usually keep their wedding guests in mind.
Yes, they want to have the wedding be about them, but it’s more than that. When they decide on food choices, the types of bar they will have, décor, and entertainment, the folks at their wedding will definitely be a part of that conversation. As a wedding guest, it’s super important to the couple that you enjoy yourself at their wedding.
So, please follow the rule to have fun, be a good sport, and know that that in and of itself makes the couple (and the vendors) feel good.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Hopefully none of these rules for wedding guests were a shocker for you. It all comes down to common courtesy, respecting the amount of planning that goes into a wedding, and being an accommodating guest. At the end of the day, you want the couple to be thankful that you came to their wedding, and unless you blatantly break one of these rules, they definitely will be.
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