There’s a lot that has changed with wedding expectations over the years.
It used to be so simple, because all the rules were well established. Protocol, tradition, and societal expectations would dictate who was invited to your wedding, who paid for what, and what everyone did while the wedding day approached and arrived. Today, so much of that has changed. Couples getting married have much more freedom to pick and choose what works best for them. And, a lot of the rules are no longer mandatory and are now seen as guidelines or just plain optional.
The thing is, with a removal of the rules, it can be really overwhelming to decide what meets your wedding’s needs. Yes, some things may be clear cut. But you may be feeling like you don’t want to miss out if you omit certain things. Or, worse yet, that your guests will care about the change in tradition and think less of your wedding because of it. I promise you, though, that there are certain things you can absolutely change or remove from your wedding and your guests will not mind at all.
Now, these suggestions are just that. Everything depends on your family and location, and what you want for your wedding. Depending on your vision for invitations, traditions, bridal party, attire, and other usual wedding items, you may find that you want to stick to the “regular” way of doing them, and that’s totally fine. If you’re thinking of changing any of these common wedding items, that’s fine, too.
Read on to see the expectations that are totally okay to skip:
1. CHEESY WEDDING TRADITIONS
There are so many wedding traditions that couple are not going for these days.
Many couples may choose to skip the following traditions because they find them awkward, or maybe they would like to allocate more time to the entertainment part of the wedding. Examples being the bouquet and garter toss, cutting the cake, or doing a money dance. Tossing the bouquet or garter can be really awkward if you don’t have single people at your wedding, you may not even have a cake, and a money dance may seem strange if you and your partner already have good jobs and are well established.
If you care about having these items in your wedding, that’s totally fine, but don’t feel like you have to make them happen. For more details on alternatives to these traditions, check out this post on tossing the bouquet, and this one on wedding desserts.
2. FANCY WEDDING INVITATIONS
Wedding invitations can be really expensive, really fast.
I think a lot of people are tempted to go overboard with wedding invitations because it may be your guest’s first introduction to your wedding and you want it to look amazing. It’s very easy to splurge on the gold lined, shimmering, double enveloped large invitation that costs twice as much in postage. While you’re at it, why not use custom stamps and incredible calligraphy? You can see how the dollars add up.
The thing is, these days, invitations don’t have to be fancy or elaborate. For most of them, unfortunately, they last just as long as the wedding and then they go into the recycling bin. It’s okay to keep wedding invitations simple, as long as they tell the guests the right information – who, what, where, and when. For some couples, you may find that you want to use an evite, and that is fine as well, depend on your wedding.
While you’re at it, feel free to keep the wording simple on your invitations. Elaborate and difficult to understand invitation wording is a way of the past. The wording should sound like you and your partner and not be fancy if it doesn’t fit your own personalities.
3. FULL BAR
There are really three options when it comes to a bar – full bar, wine and beer, or no alcohol, and they are all okay to choose from.
Depending on your budget, venue, and guests, you should have a fairly good idea of what will work best for your wedding. If some other people disagree with you, or you feel like you should do something else, please move forward with your gut. Choose what’s right for your wedding. The important part is to give people a heads up on what’s to come should they be expecting one type of situation and run into another. As long as guests know what is going to happen, and if they can expect to drink, or not, they should still have an excellent time at your wedding.
More more details on the types of bar, check out this post.
4. BRIDE’S FAMILY PAYS FOR WEDDING
There is a very old fashioned viewpoint that the bride’s family pays for the wedding that we should all throw away right here and now.
These days, really anyone can pay for the wedding. Check out this post all about finding funding sources. Dowry’s aren’t really a thing anymore in mainstream American weddings, many people are getting married later in life and can pay for their own weddings, and not every family has money to contribute. You can absolutely fund your wedding from either sides of the family, or none.
5. TRADITIONAL WHITE DRESS AND TUXEDO
I’ll tell you guys a little story.
When I was a baby, my grandma got married for the second time. And she made it a point to wear a pink dress. She said that this was okay because it wasn’t her first wedding and at your second wedding you can wear whatever color you want. Now, this may have been the rule in 1984, but in the 2020’s, times have changed.
If you aren’t feeling the color white, do not feel pressured to wear it. There are many amazing bridal gowns that come in a variety of colors. In fact, you don’t have to wear a gown at all. I’ve seen brides wear suits and cocktail dresses. Additionally, grooms don’t have to wear a stuffy tuxedo if it’s not their style. My husband wore a nice suit, and looked great. Some grooms even wear jeans (although this is very wedding specific).
The point is to wear what you enjoy the most. It’s your day and you should feel comfortable.
6. BRIDAL PARTY MATCHES IN SIZE, GENDER, & OUTFIT
Ah, the bridal party.
The days of feeling pressure to have a million bridesmaids and groomsmen should be gone by now. Today, you can do what you want. If you want nobody in your bridal party, everyone should respect that. Also, if you really do want 25 on each side that may be okay, too (though logistically it would be a nightmare).
The same sentiment goes for equal numbers on each side. It doesn’t have to be even. There are really cool photos when there are unequal numbers of guys and girls on each side of the folks getting married. And while we’re throwing rules out the window, it doesn’t have to be all guys on one side and girls on the other. Many brides and grooms are friends with different genders, and it’s okay for a bride to have a guy on her “side” and the other way around for the groom.
Here is a post about choosing your wedding party.
7. FLOWER GIRL AND RING BEARER / KIDS AT WEDDING
I’ve got some pretty strong opinions about kids at weddings, so here it goes.
For many, many weddings, kids are a welcomed treat and brides and grooms may want to get them involved in the wedding party. Flower girls and ring bearers are cute, sweet, and so fun to watch. However, kids also bring certain challenges to weddings. Things like needing to eat at certain times, getting bored, crying, running around, and bedtime may get in the way.
It’s perfectly fine if you opt not to have kids at your wedding, or if you want to skip the flower girl/ring bearer altogether. Some people may be disappointed that their kid isn’t in your wedding, but honestly it can be a lot of work coordinating outfits and making sure that the child is prepared for the big moment. If that isn’t something that you want to include in your day, don’t worry about skipping it.
Here’s a post all about having kids at your wedding (or not).
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Hopefully this post gave you some motivation to throw particular expectations away, and choose to do what’s best for you. Remember, other people may have a vision for your day, but it might not fit with you and your partner. It’s perfectly acceptable to decide to skip something, or change something to suit your own wedding day experience. You don’t have to impress anyone except yourself.
More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice:
12 Unity Ceremony Ideas & Customs
What To Do With Your Wedding Dress After The Wedding
Seven Things Wedding Guests Actually Care About
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