Creating your wedding guest list can be a big ordeal, and stressful to navigate.
There are guests who you just know should be invited to your wedding, like your your closest family and friends. From there, it gets a little iffy. You may have limited venue capacity, or have to keep the guest list small due to pandemic restrictions. Or, you may have a ton of freedom to invite a large guest list, but aren’t sure what’s expected in certain situations.
When it comes to creating your wedding guest list, there may be some “rules” that just don’t apply to today’s world. Rules that once may have seemed rude to break, but are totally acceptable to modify these days. It’s all about curating a wedding that makes the most sense to your situation, and is what you truly want.
9 Wedding Guest List Rules That Are Okay To Break
This post is going to go over some commonly known wedding guest list “rules”. It will encourage you to think about breaking them if they don’t serve you. Yes, some are rules that you’d never break. Others are rules that your families would never want you to break. However, this is your wedding, and it’s up to you and your partner to invite whoever makes the most sense to you.
Let’s break some rules, shall we?
1. YOUR GUEST LIST HAS TO INCLUDE EVERYONE WHO INVITED YOU TO THEIR WEDDING
This is a biggie wedding guest list rule that states that if you were invited to someone’s wedding, you need to invite them to yours.
Now, let’s unpack this rule.
First, you may have been invited to their wedding a long time ago and since then you’ve drifted apart. Second, their wedding may have allowed a bigger budget or more space than yours has. Third, they just may have seen you as closer friends than you do. All of these can help explain why it’s okay for you to not invite guests just because you attended their wedding.
Depending on the situation, yes, there may be some hurt feelings. And if you feel this may be the case, it’s fair to explain to certain people about your limitations or decisions not to include them in your wedding. Just don’t feel like you have to invited someone to return a favor.
2. YOU HAVE TO INVITE YOUR PARENT’S FRIENDS TO YOUR WEDDING
In yesteryear, it was always the parents paying for weddings, right? Which makes sense as to why their friends, or even coworkers, were included in their kid’s weddings.
However, times have changed. Many couples are paying for their weddings themselves, or getting married later in life. Parents aren’t always involved in the wedding planning. Of course, if you are friends with your parent’s friends, invite them. Include anyone who is special to you. But don’t assume that you have to invite people you aren’t close to, or don’t know, just because a parent wants you to.
There may be a little more leeway with a parent extending invitations if they are paying for your wedding, but it’s important to look at the situation, the potential guests, and decide what’s fair.
3. YOUR VENUE MUST BE FILLED WITH THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT OF WEDDING GUESTS
Just because your venue holds up to 300 people, does not mean you need to invite 300 people to your wedding.
However, if you are planning on having 50 people at your wedding, you may not want a venue that holds 300 people. Not only will it seem like a bigger space than what is needed, but you may be paying for amenities and minimums that aren’t necessary.
That said, try and book a venue that matches your anticipated amount of wedding guests, but don’t feel pressure to fill it up to capacity. It’s okay to have a little room, as long as it’s somewhat proportional to the amount of people in the space. So, if you have a wedding with 50 people, and the room holds 80, don’t worry too much about it.
4. KIDS HAVE TO BE ON YOUR GUEST LIST
I go more into this in this post about kids at weddings, but I’ll give you a shortened version here.
Know that it’s okay not to have kids at your wedding. Some weddings are not meant for kids. They are loud. They are late. And, they may just be for adults, and that’s okay. Even if it’s the tradition in your family to have kids at weddings, it’s alright for you to break that tradition. Your wedding guests will forgive you.
That said, you may want to have some kids at your wedding. Or, specific kids. And if this is the case, that’s fine, too. You do not have to let every parent bring their kids. It’s okay to let some parents, with kids you are close to, bring their kids while others are asked to find a babysitter.
5. SINGLE WEDDING GUESTS REQUIRE A PLUS ONE
A plus one is a person who is invited to a wedding as a date from a single wedding guest.
While it’s nice for single people to have the option to invite a plus one, it’s not essential for their experience. In fact, I go over the reasons why in this post. If you have a lot of single friends, the amount of plus ones can add up. You may be keeping wedding costs low, don’t have a lot of space, or just want a more intimate wedding, your wedding can soon be filled up with guests you may not even know.
If this is the case for you, I suggest you make some limitations on plus ones, and dates, in general. You may only allow people in committed relationships to bring their significant other. Or, you may take these things on a case by case basis. It’s about what works for you.
6. IT’S NOT OKAY TO HAVE A “B” WEDDING GUEST LIST
If you’re trying to keep your wedding guest list small, a “B” list is crucial.
A “B” List is a list of people who you would love to invite to your wedding, if you have space. Some people think that a B list is rude, or unnecessary, but it can be super helpful. All you have to do is send out some wedding invitations a little early, and when you start seeing some people decline, you can send out invites to your B list. This will allow you to invite a larger group of people, but also be in control over the wedding guest list.
If you’d like to learn more about having multiple guest lists, check out this post.
7. YOU NEED TO HAVE PEOPLE YOU SEE ALL THE TIME ON YOUR GUEST LIST
Yes, if you see someone all the time, and you talk about your wedding, and you don’t invite them to it, it can be awkward.
But, it’s okay.
Just because you see someone a lot at work, or the gym, or in your neighborhood does not mean that you have to invite them to your wedding. Even if they ask you about it. Even if they ask to come to it. Who you include on your wedding guest list is up to you. If you aren’t sure some of these people will be in your life if you change jobs, stop going to the gym, or move, then you have every right not to feel bad when they aren’t at your wedding.
8. IT’S RUDE NOT TO INVITE OLD FRIENDS TO YOUR WEDDING, EVEN ONES YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IN YEARS
Sometimes people may feel “grandfathered” into being invited to a wedding. And you’ll see this when and if you ever make an announcement online.
Yes, in some cases old friends may be surprised when they aren’t invited to your wedding. But it’s important for you to be honest with yourself about your relationships. If you were once close to someone, yet haven’t seen them in years, is it worth it to invite them?
Maybe, in some cases you’d like to rekindle a friendship. Or, there’s a good reason why you haven’t seen each other. However, in other cases it’s okay not to include old friends and be alright with that.
9. YOU SHOULDN’T INVITE PEOPLE YOU’VE JUST MET TO YOUR WEDDING
Along the same lines as not having to invite old friends to your wedding, it’s okay to invite new friends, if you want.
If you feel that a relationship is forming, and you have space to include more people as wedding guests, you can totally go ahead and extend an invite to people you haven’t known for long. You may want to strengthen your friendships, or you may just think that they will add to your wedding experience. No matter the reason, you have the freedom to invite whomever you feel deserves an invite.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Alright, friends. There you have it. Nine wedding guest list rules to break. In some cases, you may not want to break them. Or they may not apply to you. And those are both okay. In other situations, you may be on the fence of wanting to break the rule, but don’t want to offend anyone. And that’s okay, too. Remember, your wedding is important, but it’s not the most important thing ever. People will understand if they aren’t invited, eventually.
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Wedding Vows: More Tips For Writing And Preparing Your Own
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