This might be a controversial post, but I want to talk about your Wedding Guest Lists. Yes, plural. Lists, A and B.
Look at it this way. You want to invite everyone you love to your wedding. That is a given. The “A List” people are just those who might be incredibly hurt if they aren’t invited, for whatever reason. “B List” are people who you would love to include, but they will understand if they aren’t invited.
Here’s the thing. Weddings are a big deal. They come with a hefty price tag, too. EVERYTHING wedding related has an up-charge. And you know why? Your vendors do not want to mess it up! This is your freaking wedding. So they charge you more to make sure it’s perfect (in theory). And you willingly pay it.
What does this mean for your wedding guest lists?
Well, every guest will have an added charge to them. Not just food and drinks, which is the largest expense you will probably pay for a guest. I’m talking about adding costs to chair rentals, napkins, invitations, thank you cards, and favors. Also guest transportation and costs associated with a day-after brunch, if you’re going above and beyond for them. So every extra head will cost you. And when you send that invite out, you need to assume there is a chance they will come.
Additionally, there’s further logistical challenges with larger weddings. Unless you’re getting married at a sports arena or concert hall, most venues will have a limited capacity. More wedding guests require more coordination, too. Maybe you just don’t like the thought of going above a certain number. Whatever the reason, it is likely that you will need to reduce the number of guests you originally had listed.
So how do you narrow it down? I’ll lay it out for you, step by step.
How & Why To Have Multiple Wedding Guest Lists
1. Make your dream wedding guest list.
In a previous post, I suggested listing EVERYONE and solicitating invite requests from key stakeholders (like your parents). Include all your “must invites” – like your close family, best friends. Branch out from there to those who you feel would add to your marriage – like new friends who you see often, or old friends you don’t see much but keep in touch with, or parent’s friends, distant relatives, coworkers. . . basically anyone else who you may want to include.
2. Narrow it down so you have an “A” list
After you have a large master list, meet with your partner and narrow it down if it seems like too many. Talk about who has been a part of your relationship or life and would be supportive over your marriage and wedding. Talk about who would be offended if they were not invited, and who would understand if they were not included. It should become clear in your discussion who absolutely needs to be invited and who can be moved to another list for now.
If you want to be done with your guest list – good for you! You are done! You’ve got your “A” list and you can stick to it and add no one else. However, if you want the option to include all the “cuts”, please keep reading.
3. The “cuts” become your B list
For all the people you removed from the first A-list, this is your B-List. This is a list of people who you would LOVE to invite, but you need to make sure you have room in the wedding venue’s room, or budget.
4. Send invites in batches to your wedding guest lists.
Plan on sending invites in two batches when the time comes. Send the “A” list a little early. As those “No” RSVP’s come in, you can send out invitations to your “B-List” folks as you wish. I suggest waiting to ask for addresses until you’re sure you will invite each guest.
Honestly, when I got married the venue’s room was very limited so that was our major capacity constraint. As a result, we did have an “A” and “B” list. In the end we ended up with enough “A” declines that we were able to invite EVERYONE from both our lists, and it was awesome.
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[…] from everyone UP FRONT and you have your guest list. For more information on creating a guest list, check out this post. You can always adjust as time goes on, but at least for now you’ll have a starting point. […]