If you’re getting married, you may be thinking about changing your name after the wedding.
I think we can all agree that changing your name can be a big deal, even if you’re excited to share a last name with your partner. And, it can be a bit overwhelming to figure out where to start. At the very least, changing your name involves going to government agencies, calling various companies, and dealing with paperwork.
At the very most, it can feel like you’re leaving your old identity behind. You may have sentimental ties to your birth name, and it can feel very jarring to give it up.
Whether you’re planning on keeping your birth name, change your name to your partner’s, or even come up with an alternative, it’s important to explore what’s possible. Depending on what you choose, there will be specific actions to look into and perhaps complete. In some cases, the path will be very easy, traditional, and accepted. And in others, you may be taking the path less chosen, but it feels right to you and your partner.
You may notice that I’m using the term birth name, instead of maiden name. This is because sometimes men change their names, too, and “maiden” name feels very women-centric. As a man getting married, it’s less traditional to change your name. However, it does happen, so I’m going to try be inclusive of that.
All About Changing Your Name After You Get Married
If you’re unsure what your name will be after you get married, you’re in the right place. This post is first going to review the history of the tradition of changing last names. It will then go over why we keep it up today, and how to actually change your name, if that’s what you choose to do. This post will also review alternatives that may appeal to you.
Hopefully it helps you get a better idea of what works best for your own name after you get married.
HISTORY OF CHANGING YOUR NAME
The tradition of patronymics, or taking your dad’s last name, has been the most common form of naming a child for most of European and American history.
This practice is even seen in the Bible, where it’s mentioned that the wife of Abraham took his name, so all their children could carry it on. So, part of taking a spouse’s last name has strong roots in religion. There are also other reasons why this has been an ongoing tradition as well.
LEGITAMACY & INHERITANCE
Historically, it made a lot of sense for children to take on their father’s last name.
Until recently, inheritances needed to be passed onto children born within wedlock. When children had the same last name as their father, it showed that they were his kids, and could inherit his wealth when he passed away.
This seems even more important when you factor in that historically, women could not own assets in the same way as a man. Taking your husband’s last name could help insure that your sons would inherit his home when he passed away, and you were taken care of after his death. However, many laws that prohibited illegitimate children from inheritances, and women from owning property, became obsolete by the mid-20th century, causing a shift in the tradition of changing one’s name.
WHY CHANGE YOUR NAME?
Alright, so given the history of changing your name, and the fact that you may not feel the reasoning applies to you, why would you want to change your name at all?
Well, many people find that they really do want to have the same name as their spouse. They may believe that it helps solidify two partners as a family. If you’re planning on having kids, that also plays a factor. Some people find it very important to have the same last name as their children, and want to help reduce any confusion later on if the last names are different.
There are other reasons why many people opt to change their name, too. Some may think it’s expected by their partner or families. Others enjoy this tradition, and want to continue it. Also, many people actually like their partner’s name, and are excited to change it.
WHY KEEP YOUR NAME?
Let’s start off this section by saying that you have the freedom to do what’s right for you. Even if your partner or family is pressuring you to go another way, remember it’s your name, and it’s your right to keep or change it to what you’re comfortable with.
There are a lot of very valid reasons for not changing your name. First, you may just not want to give your last name up. Maybe you like it, or it has sentimental attachments. Second, you may not like your partner’s last name. Perhaps it doesn’t sound good with your first name, and that’s not something that will change over time.
Third, changing your name may not be a part of your culture. If you have a different culture than your partner, this can cause some strife, but in some parts of the world it’s rare for one to change their name after marriage. So, it could feel uncomfortable to go against your own tradition.
Lastly, you may have other ideas in mind, such as your partner changing their name instead, or exploring some alternatives.
ALTERNATIVES TO CHANGING YOUR NAME
So, what are some alternatives to the tradition of changing your name after the wedding? Well, there are a few that you can look into.
THE MAN CHANGES HIS NAME
If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, you may want to look into the man changing his name to be the same as his wife’s.
This is something that varies with ease, depending on where you are located. In the USA, the state of California makes it equally easy for both the man and woman to change their names after marriage, but other states may have additional hoops for a man to change his name. However, if you’re both open to this idea, look into it.
HYPHENATE YOUR NAMES
Another option is to hyphenate your names. If you both have relatively short names, or they sound good together, think about it.
Fun fact, I decided not to hyphenate because my birth name and my partner’s name rhymed, and are both long, so the new name sounded ridiculous. However, it may work for your situation.
If you do decide to hyphenate, just be aware that this can confuse others. Long names can get convoluted on identification cards, airline tickets, and anytime someone needs to look up your last name. Also, you may want to have a plan for potential future children, and which name they would have.
MAKE A NEW LAST NAME
A kind of cool alternative is to make a new name for the both of you.
To do this, you could combine both of your last names, or just create a new one from scratch. A fun way to become inspired about this is to look at your family trees and see if there are any last names that you can use from them. This could be a nod to your heritage as well as a fresh start with a new name.
OTHER ALTERNATIVES
One alternative is to modify your middle name. Some people drop their middle name and make their birth name their new middle name, while taking on their partner’s last name as their own. This is a great way to keep your birth name, while also having your new last name match your partner’s.
Of course, an alternative to changing your name is to just not change it at all. You and your partner can just keep your names, and nothing else has to be done.
And, the last major alternative is to change your name to match your partner’s, but keep your birth name professionally. This is a common practice for people who have established careers based off their name, and want their name to remain easily recognized. This is seen among public figures like actresses, with doctors, and those who are really well known at their work.
CONSIDERATIONS FOR YOUR WEDDING
No matter what you decide to do, you’ll have to think about how you’d like to use your last names in your wedding. So, I’ll briefly give you some tips on that.
Make sure to tell your officiant what your plan is, so they know how to introduce you. If you aren’t changing your names, you can always just be introduced as your first names. If you’re going with an alternative, this could be a way to share it with your wedding guests. Also, inform your MC of your names for when you enter your wedding reception, so they don’t have to make any assumptions.
You can also put this plan on your wedding website. This provides the right information to your guests who will write you checks as their gift to you. If they make the check out to both of you, assuming you’re changing your name, and you’re not, it could make it more difficult for you to deposit it. So, sharing your planned names provides some proactiveness for later on.
WHERE TO START IF YOU’RE CHANGING YOUR NAME
If you’ve decided to change your name, you may be wondering where to start.
OBTAIN YOUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE
Well, for the most part, this will start with obtaining your marriage certificate, after your wedding. How you obtain it depends on where you are located. Some counties will allow you to order a copy online, and others require you to pick one up in person. To find out where to get your marriage certificate, give your local county or government agency a call to find out what you need to do.
GO TO SOCIAL SECURITY
After you obtain your marriage certificate, the next step is to go to your local social security office. Now, depending on where you are located, the name of this office many be different. For example, Canadians have social identification numbers instead of social security numbers, so their offices may be called something else. Just remember that it’s likely that you have to start with your government issued number, and you can move on from there.
CHANGE YOUR IDENTIFICATION
Once you have your social security information updated, you can typically use that to change your actual identification. This may be an ID card, or a driver’s license. In order to change your name on your ID, you’ll probably have to have your marriage certificate and temporary social security paperwork with you.
CHANGE EVERYTHING ELSE
When you have your social security and identification information updated, it should be easy enough to change your name on everything else. I suggest listing out everything that may have your name on it, and then prioritizing contacting each of these places to make the updates.
It may look something like this:
- Banks, mortgages, credit card companies
- Where you work
- Passport (if you’re traveling under your new name)
- Insurance companies (car, home, medical)
- Anywhere you receive a bill (electric company, water, cable, cell phone)
- Subscriptions (streaming services, magazines)
Be prepared that each of these businesses will have a different process to change your name. In some cases, they will be able to change it easily over the phone with little proof of documentation. In others, they will require you to go in and perhaps sign additional paperwork. The process is a bit time consuming, but it’s straightforward if you work off a list.
In some locations the process will look different, so be sure to check with your local government to see what you need to do. You may need to also have your birth certificate handy to make changes, or even have your partner present with you.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Wow, this was a long post! Hopefully you found this information useful and feel more prepared to choose the path that feels the most authentic to you. If you’re excited to change your name to match your partner’s, that’s awesome. If you’re hesitant about it, talk to your partner about your thoughts and bring up some options. It will all work out either way.
More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice:
Tips For Asking Your Family To Help Pay For Your Wedding
Wedding Vows: More Tips For Writing & Preparing Your Own
12 Fun Wedding Planning Tasks To Share With Your Partner
Did you find this post helpful, inspiring? PIN it to your After The Wedding Board on Pinterest!
More From Around The Web:
A Comprehensive Guide To The Most Popular Wedding Themes & Styles
36 Bible Verses About Marriage and Bible Quotes About Love
[…] All About Changing Your Name After You Get Married […]