Believe it or not, traditional wedding dances are not mandatory at every wedding. In fact, depending on what culture you come from, there may not even be dancing at all.
However, at most American and Canadian weddings, there will be some dancing. Of course, a lot of weddings encourage guests to dance and celebrate with the newlyweds, but that’s not the kind of dancing this post is about. The dances we want to explore are the planned ones that the newlyweds do with each other, their families, and sometimes even with the guests themselves.
For some couples, making sure to have traditional dances at their wedding is more than essential. It’s mandatory. And if that works for you, it can be a lot of fun for both the people dancing and the guests who get to observe. This is why it’s important to explore traditional wedding dances in the US and Canada, and go over what may or may not work for your wedding.
Traditional Wedding Dances: Which Ones Are Right For Your Wedding?
The goal of this post is to help you determine if traditional wedding dances are right for you. If they are, you can then explore when in the wedding they will take place, who should be included, and how to make them happen. If you’re considering skipping them, or want an alternative, that’s something to decide as well. Sometimes it’s okay to remove or change tradition, when it doesn’t serve you.
Let’s get into it!
FIRST DANCE WITH YOUR PARTNER
The tradition of having the newlyweds share their first dance in front of their wedding guests started in old fashioned ballrooms.
Typically, the guest of honor, or the person with the highest title, would start the evening’s dancing, with all the other guests to follow. This translates into the first dance today as the couple getting married are the people of honor at a wedding, so they get to kick off the dancing for everyone.
FIRST DANCE QUESTIONS TO GO OVER WITH YOUR PARTNER
For your first dance, it’s important that each couple does what works best for them. This may mean that you slow dance, or you may be comfortable with choreography. You may have a dancing style that is somewhere in between, too, where you are somewhat faster paced. To determine how you’d like to have your first dance, speak with your partner.
Here are some questions to get the conversation started:
- Is a first dance right for us?
- What kind of song do we want to dance to?
- When in the wedding should we have the dance?
From the answers you get to these questions, you can start to get a feel for what would work best for each of you.
FIRST DANCE GUIDELINES
When it comes to first dances, there is a lot of leeway as to how they go, but there are some general guidelines to keep in mind.
First, don’t pick a super long song. Typically 2-3 minutes is enough. You may have a song in mind that is longer than that, so remember that songs can always be shortened. Second, you can choose to have your first dance at multiple points in the wedding. Some couples like to enter their reception space and dance. Others will cut the cake and dance.
Third, you don’t have to have a first dance in front of guests if you don’t want to. You can have it privately after your ceremony, but before the reception, or even after the wedding. You can skip it altogether. If you are having a small wedding, or one that won’t have a lot of music, it may not seem right to have a first dance. And that’s okay.
FATHER DAUGHTER DANCE
The father/daughter wedding dance may be seen as a continuation of the father giving his daughter away at her wedding.
This dance is sort of like a “last dance” between a bride and her dad, before she goes off with her husband to start a new life as a married person. For the most part, the songs that play during a father/daughter dance are sentimental, and it can be a really special experience for both the bride and her dad. Typically this dance is done shortly after a newlywed’s first dance, but it can be during the guest dancing portion of the wedding, or whenever works best for you.
ALTERNATIVES TO THE FATHER/DAUGHTER DANCE
You may be looking for some alternatives in case this traditional wedding dance doesn’t work for your wedding. Maybe you’re not close to your dad, or he may not be able to be at your wedding. You both may not be the dancing type. If this is the case, it’s okay to skip this tradition. You can also do something else instead.
For example, if your father has passed away you may take this opportunity to honor him by dancing with another member of your family. Or, you may choose this time to say some kind words to your dad if he is present at your wedding, but you’re skipping the dance. You may also ask your parents to dance with each other while you and your partner dance. You can do tons of variations to include or acknowledge your father, without actually having to have the father/daughter dance.
MOTHER/SON DANCE
Much like the father/daughter dance, there is the mother/son dance at many American weddings.
This traditional wedding dance is exactly as it sounds, with a mother dancing with her son. It doesn’t feel quite as sentimental as the father/daughter dance, though. Maybe it’s because mothers don’t “give their sons away” at weddings? Still, it can be a sweet experience to enjoy with a parent, and often is really cute and special to watch as a guest.
The mother/son dance can take place right after the father/daughter dance, or even during it, with both newlyweds dancing with a parent at the same time. It can also be at some point during a dinner, or during the major dance portion of a wedding. There is a lot of flexibility as to when this dance is scheduled, if you chose to have it.
ALTERNATIVES TO THE MOTHER/SON DANCE
Just like the father/daughter dance, the mother/son dance can be skipped or modified. If a son’s mother isn’t present at his wedding, he may opt to dance with someone else. Or, if they aren’t the type to dance together, a son may choose to gift his mother something special instead of having a dance. Again, it’s all about doing what works best for you.
MONEY DANCE
Oh, the money dance. A traditional wedding dance that is sort of controversial and isn’t always that common in weddings.
There are multiple variations on this tradition in many cultures, but the premise is the same. For a money dance, the newlyweds are essentially available to dance with guests who offer them money. In some cases, the money is pinned to the bride’s dress. In other cases, it’s put in a little purse, pocket, or even a shoe to place the cash. The sweet part about this dance is it gives guests an opportunity to have a little time with the newlyweds. They are able to pass on well wishes, wealth, and have a moment with the couple.
However, many couples don’t like the thought of guests giving them cash in exchange for a dance, so they skip the money dance altogether.
AN ALTERNATIVE: THE LOVE NOTE DANCE
A variation on this dance is to have guests pass on “love notes” to the couple. The couple can read these notes afterwards, and it takes out any need to pass on money. For some weddings, this may make the money dance more appealing, because you may not like the thought of guests literally handing you cash in order to dance with you.
BOUQUET AND GARTER DANCE
This is a traditional wedding dance that seems to be going out of style.
In some weddings, you’ll find single ladies reaching for a tossed bouquet, and single men going after the bride’s garter. In previous years, you’d also find a bouquet and garter dance, where the recipients of the bouquet and garter were pressured to dance together. Since they were both theoretically single, maybe the thought was that they could end up together?
This dance is largely out of practice, and the bouquet and garter tosses themselves are becoming more and more rare. However, if you feel it’s fun for your wedding, go for it!
NOT SO TRADITIONAL WEDDING DANCES
So, we’ve gone over some common traditional wedding dances. Now, let’s talk about more modern wedding dances you may want to incorporate in your wedding.
FRIENDS DANCE
In this age of social media, it’s so common for wedding parties to be a part of choreographed dances that may or not become internet sensations.
A friends dance, or wedding party dance, is exactly that. It’s when the wedding features the bridal party, or group of guests, performing a somewhat unexpected dance for the other guests. This dance may or may not include the couple getting married. It may also be a surprise for them. Depending on the wedding, it could be a really fun way to kick off the party and allow everyone to have a live performance.
ANNIVERSARY DANCE
This dance is a variation of the bouquet toss.
For an anniversary dance, the goal is that the couple at the wedding who has been together the longest gets to take home the wedding bouquet. All couples are asked to come to the dance floor, and start dancing. Every few seconds, the MC, DJ, or announcer will ask couples who have been married for less than a number of years to leave the dance floor. At the end of the song, the couple who has been married the longest will be left dancing.
We did this at our wedding, and it was so fun. I got to ask the winning couple their secret to a long marriage, to which they replied “don’t have kids!”. It got a big laugh, because they did have kids, and one of them was at the wedding.
LAST DANCE
Some weddings will have a last dance as a way to close out the evening.
This last dance could be to a special or funny song, or it could be a big celebration at the end. Often, all remaining guests are encouraged to join the dance floor and participate to say good bye to the wedding. There are lots of other ways to end a wedding, or have a big exit, but a last dance can be a really sweet way to close the night.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
There you go, friends. An exploration of common traditional wedding dances, and some new spins on tradition. The moral of the story is that you’ll have to figure out what’s best for your wedding. If a particular dance doesn’t feel right, there are no rules anymore. You can skip it, change it, and do what’s best for you. Happy wedding planning!
More From Hummingbird Gives Advice:
12 Fun Wedding Planning Tasks To Share With Your Partner
Giving The Bride Away: History, Traditions, & Alternatives
Wedding Thank You Gifts: Ideas Of What To Gift Your Friends & Family
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