Do you want to be a great bridesmaid in someone’s wedding, but not sure to what that means, or where to start? If you’ve never been in a wedding before, it can be difficult to navigate what the role entails.
Though not every wedding has bridesmaids, or even a wedding party, they can be a big part of the event. Bridesmaids are usually there to help support the bride, in whatever way she needs it. This may mean wearing a certain dress, helping to plan or attend pre-wedding events, or just being a support person. While the role of “head bridesmaid” usually goes to the maid of honor, all bridesmaids can be a big part of the wedding.
If you’re going to be a bridesmaid in someone’s wedding, never fear. The role isn’t that daunting when you know what to expect. And, keep in mind that every situation is different. What you do, and how you help can vary based on the bride and type of wedding you’re in. It’s best to take it one step at a time.
How To Be A Great Bridesmaid (Even If You’ve Never Been One Before)
This post is going to help you be a great bridesmaid, even if you’re completely new to the role. I promise I will help you rock being a bridesmaid. To be honest, it’s not really that complicated. And, I’ll explain it all to you below.
This advice is based off the typical American wedding, so adjust as needed to fit your situation. It’ll walk you through the various times you’ll need to be there for the bride, the expected costs that you may be able to anticipate, and even give pointers to brides so they can better collaborate with their bridesmaids.
Let’s get into it!
BASIC BRIDESMAID EXPECTATIONS
If you’re going to be a bridesmaid, there are some basic places and events that you’re bound to be a part of. And, there will be some expected expenses that you may have to shell out for.
My advice?
Try and find out which of the below items apply to the wedding you are in as early as possible. This will help you plan ahead for dates you need to be available, and costs you may incur. In some cases, the event or request won’t apply. And in others, it’ll be okay if you skip it. In some, you’ll absolutely be needed. It all just depends.
GO WITH THE BRIDE WHEN SHE TRIES ON WEDDING DRESSES (IF INVITED)
Here’s an example of a pre-wedding event where a bridesmaid may or may not not be involved. Some brides like to go dress shopping alone. Or, with a very limited number of people. Throw in any restrictions from the bridal boutiques on attendees, and a bridesmaid may not be invited to watch the bride try on dresses.
However, if you are invited, you should try to make it. Of course, if you live far away or have a major conflict, the bride will likely understand.
TRY ON, AND BUY, A BRIDESMAID’S DRESS
In some weddings, the bride will prefer that all the bridesmaids wear the same dress. And in others, they get to pick their own out. If you are going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding where the girls are all in the same dress, you may be expected to go with the group to try some on.
And, let me tell you. You want to be a part of this experience.
This is a dress that you’ll have to wear publicly. You’ll probably also have to buy it. Because of both of these things, you should be there to offer your opinion about what you like and don’t like.
ATTEND ANY PRE-WEDDING EVENTS (IF INVITED)
As a show of support, the best bridesmaids should attend any and all pre-wedding events they are invited to, and available to join.
This may include the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, engagement party, bridal showers, and bachelorette. For some weddings, some of these events may not even take place. And, if you live far away or have a busy job or small child, it may be more understandable if you miss an event or two. However, if you’re able to, you should be there.
HELP WITH DIY, STUFFING ENVELOPES, & PRE-WEDDING TASKS
Sometimes being a bridesmaid means helping with the pre-wedding prep tasks. Depending on the task, this may appeal to you. If you’re crafty, resourceful, or skilled at something, it’s likely that the bride will ask for your help with DIY projects, stuffing envelopes, or other things like that.
Again, if you’re given enough notice and can help, why not? Sometimes DIY projects can be a lot of fun, and you’ll be helping your friend out.
HELP WITH THE BRIDAL SHOWER
Based off my experience, the hosts of bridal showers are usually the maid of honor and bridesmaids. However, family members or other friends may opt to host a shower. Bridesmaids usually don’t take the lead on organizing a shower, but if you’re requested to do so, you should. And you should definitely attend, if you’re able to.
For pointers on hosting a bridal shower, check out this post on Alternative Bridal Showers and this post on Bridal Shower FAQ. If you’re not the host, but you’re invited to a bridal shower for a wedding where you’re a bridesmaid, you should offer to help. The host will appreciate it.
HELP WITH THE BACHELORETTE PARTY
Just like with bridal showers, bachelorette parties can be organized by a range of different people. The maid of honor is most likely to take the reins on organizing it, but sometimes a bridesmaid is asked to do so. At the very least, you should attend the party, if you’re available.
If you’re looking for low key bachelorette party ideas, check out this post.
BE THERE TO GET READY WITH THE BRIDE
One of my favorite things about being a bridesmaid is getting ready with the bride the morning of her wedding. This is such a fun time where everyone can get dolled up, be excited, and just enjoy the moment.
Of course, some brides get ready by themselves, but if you’re invited to get ready with her, you should be there. To be more supportive, bring snacks or an emergency kit, just in case.
SUPPORT THE BRIDE
This expectation is a bit vague, but very simple. Just be there for your friend.
This is the bride’s wedding. It may be stressful, there may be a lot going on, and she may be feeling some feels. As a bridesmaid, it’s your role to be supportive. If she’s experiencing anxiety, let her tell you about it. Show up to events. Put a smile on your face even if you don’t love the dress. All of this will go a long way.
HAVE FUN AT THE WEDDING
As a bridesmaid, you will receive some attention at the wedding. You’re likely wearing an outfit that makes you stand out, you’ll likely be up front in the ceremony, and you may even have a grand entrance. With extra eyes on you, the best thing you can do is act like you’re having fun.
This is true even if you’re not having the best time. Make it the best time. Your friend will appreciate it and reciprocate when you get married.
TYPICAL BRIDESMAID EXPENSES
One thing that is universal about being a bridesmaid is that it can be expensive. And you might be asking why. Well, it depends on the wedding, but in general, if you’re going to be a bridesmaid you’ll be expected to pay for your travel, attire, and gifts.
Here are some of the “typical” bridesmaid expenses that may come up:
Clothing, Accessories & Beauty
- Buying the bridesmaid’s dress: In some cases the bride will buy it, but this is rare. For more details on this, check out my Bridesmaid Dress Shopping Guide.
- Accessories (if applicable): This includes items like shoes, jewelry, or anything else that may be needed to complete the bridesmaid’s wedding day outfit.
- Hair and makeup (if applicable): In many cases, the bride will pay for hair and makeup, for her bridesmaids. In others, it may be optional for them to pay for it themselves, or the bride may ask them to pay for it.
Pre-Wedding Events
- The bridal shower: There is a huge range of costs here, but usually bridesmaids will chip in or help take care of a certain aspect of the bridal shower. This may range from décor to food to favors.
- The bachelorette: If the bachelorette party involves going out, doing something fun, or traveling, bridesmaids will usually help pay for the bride’s portion of it.
Travel
- Travel to the bridal shower, bachelorette, and wedding: Depending on your location, and the location of these pre-wedding events, the travel costs can range a lot. Best case scenario is that they are all close to your home. Worst case is that you’ll have airline fares, hotel fees, and other travel expenses to front.
Gifts
- Engagement party gift: This expense may be kind of optional, or not even applicable if the couple skips an engagement party. However, a nice bottle of wine or simple gift card may be appreciated by the couple.
- Bridal shower gift: Chances are that the bridesmaids have already put in a lot of work for the bridal shower and may feel inclined or given permission to skip a formal gift. If not, they may want to give something affordable and simple off the couple’s registry to the bride.
- Wedding gift: Now, in some cases bridesmaids do not give a wedding gift to the couple because they have already funded quite a bit. But, this isn’t always the case.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU CAN’T AFFORD TO BE A BRIDESMAID
Looking at all the costs associated with being a bridesmaid, it’s probably clear that not everyone can afford to be in every wedding. And, if you’re in multiple weddings in one year, the costs can really add up.
If you’re in a less-than-ideal financial situation, and you’re not sure you’ll be able to afford being a bridesmaid, talk to the bride. If you haven’t “accepted” the role yet, let her know your situation when she asks or the next time you talk. Chances are, the bride will understand and will let you know how to reduce the costs so you can still be in her wedding.
If you have already accepted the role of bridesmaid and are worried about the costs, still talk to the bride. Don’t flake out on things with no explanation. Just let her know that you’re not able to afford everything and be everywhere, and set her expectations to the correct level.
WHAT TO DO IF YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO BE A BRIDESMAID
As you can see, being a bridesmaid is not just expensive. It can keep you quite busy. And, chances are, you’re already a busy person. You may have a demanding job, a small child, or live far away.
If you don’t have time to be a bridesmaid, let the bride know what you can take on and what you’ll have to skip. You may not be able to make it to every event. The bride should understand. Together, you’ll both have to decide if you staying in the wedding is the best choice for everyone. Have these conversations as early as possible to make sure that the drama is kept to a minimum and everyone is on the same page.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Being a bridesmaid isn’t easy, but it is a huge honor. It’s a role that you can do for your friend, that they will remember and appreciate for the rest of their life. If you are going to be a bridesmaid, and want to do a good job, start with showing up. If you have time or financial limitations, tell the bride early and make sure you’re on the same page. Be supportive, and have a good attitude about it. And, have fun!
More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice:
Here Comes The Bridesmaid Proposal!
Can You Have More Than One Maid of Honor?
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[…] a bridesmaid can be a super expensive endeavor. Don’t know what I mean? Check out this post on how to be a great bridesmaid. It lays out all the possible expenses that can come […]