Will you be a bridesmaid and a bride at the same time? Not sure how to juggle both roles? This is the post for you!
To start us off, let’s talk about how fun it is to be a bridesmaid and a bride at the same time. I mean, yes, you will be busy. And yes, you will have lots of expenses during this season. However, being engaged at the same time as your friends is fun. At least, it should be. Chances are, most brides get married around the same time as their friends, so playing both roles is more common than one may think.
The downside to being a bridesmaid and a bride at the same time is that you may fall victim to comparison. And, your time will be limited. You may feel like the efforts are uneven if the other bride is also a bridesmaid in your wedding. More on all of that later, I promise.
How To Be A Bridesmaid And A Bride At The Same Time
This post is going to let you know how to be a bridesmaid and a bride at the same, so you can enjoy both roles. It will be filled with common sense advice that you can take, or leave. Remember, at the end of the day your priority is likely your own wedding. However, you should have the goal to be a great support for your friend, too. So let’s enjoy the process and be strategic about it, shall we?
Let’s get into it.
DON’T COMPARE YOUR WEDDING TO YOUR FRIEND’S WEDDING
Comparison is an dirty devil, isn’t it?
When you are closely involved in your wedding, and the wedding of someone else, it’s easy to compare the two. To wish you had the funds to do something. Or the time to do something. Maybe you’re silently (or loudly) judging decisions the other bride made that you wouldn’t have.
None of this ideal.
Here’s the thing. When you are a bridesmaid and a bride at the same time, you need to keep your eyes on your own paper, so to speak. Someone else’s wedding has very little, if nothing, to do with yours. Your wedding is for you and your partner. So, make it the best it can be, and don’t worry about what others are doing unless it comes from a good place or gives you inspiration.
HAVE A SEPARATE BUDGET FOR EACH EVENT
As mentioned above, it can be expensive to be a bridesmaid and a bride at the same time. Really expensive.
To help yourself out, you should have a separate budget for each event. This may involve separate bank accounts to help track what you’ll spend on your own wedding, and the other wedding. Having a budget for each role will help you make sure that you don’t go over your own wedding budget while participating as a bridesmaid. At the end of the day, it’s about peace of mind.
PRIORITIZE YOUR TIME AS BEST YOU SEE FIT
Being a bridesmaid and a bride at the same time means that you will have even more limited time than you normally would in your daily life.
This means that you need prioritize your time as best you can.
For example, you may need to decline social invitations that don’t involve your wedding or your friend’s wedding, for a little while. You may need to rely on your partner for things like housework and bills (if you live together). It’s all about being strategic, so you can show up properly for both weddings.
BE CLEAR WITH THE OTHER BRIDE ABOUT YOUR TIME OR BUDGET LIMITATIONS
Now that we’ve laid the foundation for you knowing your time and budget limits, it’s important that you communicate with the other bride about them.
Bride to bride, she should understand that you may have some difficulties affording the time or money for both your event and hers. Hopefully this means that she helps you strategize ways to either save money, or lean on the other members of her wedding party to help with her wedding. The key point here is to make sure you both are on the same page with what you can do and afford.
DON’T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE OTHER BRIDE A BRIDESMAID, TOO
Does being in someone else’s wedding mean that you have to put them in yours?
Nope.
In fact, when I was a bride and a bridesmaid at the same time, the other bride was not a bridesmaid in my wedding. I included her in pre-wedding events like my shower and bachelorette party, but she wasn’t in the wedding party. Her wedding party was large, mine was small. It was that simple.
And look, yes, in some cases, feelings may get hurt. This is okay. You don’t “owe” anyone a spot in your wedding, for any reason.
PLAN YOUR TIME OFF OF WORK AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE
If you are a bride and a bridesmaid at the same time, you likely need to be strategic with your days away from work. This is especially true if either wedding involves travel, or being busy on a weekday.
So, plan ahead. Look at a calendar. Ask the other bride her plans for her bachelorette, rehearsal dinner, and post-wedding brunch, if she’s having one. Figure out your own plans, including your honeymoon. And then schedule the time off accordingly, as early as you can. This will help you stay in control of your work calendar, which will reduce stress later on.
BE TRUE TO YOUR OWN VISION, EVEN IF IT’S SIMILAR TO THE OTHER WEDDING’S PLAN
When you are involved in multiple weddings, you may find that you and the other bride have the same taste.
It might seem weird, or like you’re copying her, but don’t worry about that. Even if you find out that your wedding is drastically similar to the other wedding, please don’t change things just to be different. Stick to what you like. It might be your colors. Your caterer. Even your dress. Plan your wedding as if you know nothing about the other wedding. Both weddings will be beautiful, even if they are similar.
HAVE YOUR OWN CELEBRATIONS, EVEN IF THE TWO WEDDINGS SHARE AN EVENT
This is a strange recommendation, but hear me out.
If you and the other bride are among the same friend group, you may decide to double up on a pre-wedding event like your shower or bachelorette party. Yes, of course, this may seem super weird to you, but we’re all different. Here’s the thing. Even if you are sharing a celebratory trip or evening with someone else, make sure to have places in it that are just for you.
This may mean that a bachelorette weekend focuses on you one night, and the other bride the next night. Or, a dinner out is at the restaurant of your choosing, followed by a location that the other bride chooses. You don’t need to share the limelight the whole time, so to speak.
CHECK WITH THE OTHER BRIDE ON KEY DATES SO YOU DON’T PLAN BIG EVENTS AT THE SAME TIME
Not into sharing celebrations? I’m with you!
If you want to keep celebrations separate, while still participating in everything you can, you need to communicate with the other bride. Find out when she wants her bachelorette to be. Ask when her bridal shower is planned for. Heck, be very clear on when her wedding is. And then plan your events around those date so you don’t clash and have to miss something.
LET IT GO WHEN SHARED GUESTS CHOOSE ONE WEDDING OVER ANOTHER
This is a toughy.
If you and the other bride share some wedding guests, and travel is involved, the guests may choose to attend one wedding over the other. Not everyone can attend everything they are invited to. Depending on availability, time of year, and money, some guests may opt to go to the “other” wedding. This can sting.
It’s okay, though. You will prevail. And, you’ll see those people at the other wedding. Chances are they will still send you a gift, and you won’t have to pay for their food. Look on the bright side, even if you wish they chose your wedding instead.
SHARE THE SPOTLIGHT APPROPRIATELY
When you’re engaged, it’s easy to want to tell everyone and anyone that you’re getting married. Even if you’re in the midst of a pre-wedding celebration for another person.
In order to keep the peace, be a good friend, and just do the right thing, try to share the spotlight appropriately with your friend. This means not talking solely about your wedding at her bridal shower. Or her bachelorette. Or any celebration that is about her and her wedding, for that matter. It means balancing the attention on you and your wedding with hers, at the right times.
REMEMBER, IT’S OKAY TO BE HAPPY FOR THE OTHER BRIDE, AND HAPPY FOR YOURSELF
There is enough happiness to go around when it comes to weddings.
Yes, comparison and envy can play a role. But so does happiness. And, it’s okay to be happy for the other bride and for yourself. This is true even if she has a bigger budget. Or if certain guests opt to travel to her wedding or pre-wedding celebrations and not to yours. At the end of the day it’s all about being there for your friend in one of the most exciting chapters of her life, and celebrating yours to the fullest.
THOUGHTS ON HOW TO BE A BRIDESMAID AND A BRIDE AT THE SAME TIME
Friends, with some intention and the right mindset, it’s possible to be a bridesmaid and a bride at the same time, and have a great experience while you’re at it. Yes, you will be busy during this time. And yes, you’ll have to watch your budget. However, this is a special time in your life and likely won’t happen again. So, embrace it and make the best of it. Happy wedding planning!
More On Bridesmaids From Hummingbird Wedding Advice
13 Questions To Ask Your Bridesmaids (To See How Involved They Will Be)
Why Being A Bridesmaid Is Such An Honor
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