Are you thinking about having more than one maid of honor? There are a lot of different reasons why this may be right for your wedding, and I’m here to walk you through them.
There may be some stigma or eye rolls if your wedding has more than one maid of honor, and that’s okay. Traditionally, only one person would hold the title. A maid of honor is meant to distinguish the most, well, honored maid, right? And if you have two people, or more, holding that title, it opens up the possibility of hurt feelings.
It doesn’t have to be that way, though.
As long as everyone involved knows why there are multiple people as maid of honor, and respect the reasons, it can all turn out okay. Even more than okay. Having more than one maid of honor means that the duties get to be shared among them. The pressure isn’t all on one person. Yes, tasks can be shared with bridesmaids as well, but more on that later.
Can You Have More Than One Maid of Honor?
If you are contemplating having more than one maid of honor, hopefully this post helps you make the decision with confidence. There is definitely a right way to do it, and a wrong way, so understanding the difference is crucial. I’ll share with you some of the main reasons why this path may be right for your wedding, the way to communicate it with others, and how to work with more than one person in this role.
Let’s get into it!
MAID OF HONOR VERSES BRIDESMAID
One obvious question that you may be asking is, why wouldn’t you just have one maid of honor, and then bridesmaids? And, it’s a good question.
The title of maid of honor usually goes the person you are the closest to. This could be a sister, or a best friend. A maid of honor is typically seen as the “leader” of your wedding party. She (or he, because you can have a man of honor) is the one who is likely to organize your bridal shower and bachelorette party. She may also participate in pre-wedding events, like when you choose your dress. A maid of honor also has the distinction of saying a speech at your wedding, if you’d like her to.
Bridesmaids, on the other hand, usually get to sit back a little. Yes, they are likely to participate or even help plan some pre-wedding events. They may even take the lead, depending on the situation. Bridesmaids usually get ready with you the day of the wedding, and they are likely to wear similar or identical outfits. However, there is usually not as much expectation placed on bridesmaids as there is on maids of honor.
For more details on what a maid of honor typically has involvement in, check out this post.
WHY HAVE MORE THAN ONE MAID OF HONOR?
Knowing the difference between bridesmaids and maids of honor may help you decide if more than one maid of honor is right for you. This is because for some relationships, being a bridesmaid is just fine with everyone. And in others, the title of maid of honor is appropriate for more than one person.
REASON #1: YOU DON’T WANT TO CHOOSE
One big reason to have more than one maid of honor is because you don’t want to have to make the choice between two people. As I mentioned above, you may have two sisters. Or two best friends. Or a sister and a best friend. You may feel that it’s appropriate for both of them to have the title, and this way no one gets their feelings hurt.
REASON #2: YOUR MAID OF HONOR NEEDS A PARTNER
Being a maid of honor can be a big undertaking.
Planning events, coordinating others, and keeping the bride (or groom) happy can be really stressful. Some personality types and life situations can make this even more difficult. For example, if you have a sister who has a new baby, or a friend with a crazy job, you may know that they won’t be able to take on the task of maid of honor all by themselves.
If you have a vision for your wedding, and feel that the expectations that you’d put on one maid of honor will be just a bit too much, it’s fair to try and split them among two (or more) people. This is also true if one of the contenders gets stressed out easily, is on the younger side, or doesn’t have a lot of money. All of these situations can make it very hard to be a maid of honor, and working with another person may make them incredibly happy.
REASON #3: ONE MAID OF HONOR LIVES FAR AWAY
Being a maid of honor means that you have to be present for a lot of things, as you can probably tell from earlier. If a person who *should* be your maid of honor lives far away, it means that you may be left without them at specific times. It’s an unfortunate situation, but it happens.
This is another reason why having another person as your maid of honor may make things easier for everyone. It can help the person who can’t be there for everything still feel like you’re being supported throughout your engagement. Of course, they may feel left out as well, and this is something that should be addressed with care and grace.
REASON #4: YOU’RE HAVING A VERY LARGE OR SMALL WEDDING PARTY
If your wedding party is very large, or very small, having more than one maid of honor may make sense.
For example, you might have ten people in your wedding party. Asking one maid of honor to coordinate with everyone might be a very big request to put on one person. If there are two people, they can share and coordinate with each other. If your wedding party is big, your wedding is likely to be large as well, so the additional efforts and expectations could help everything work out.
On the flip side, you might have a very small wedding party. In fact, this is why I had two maids of honor. My fiancé also had two best men. We wanted a small wedding party right from the start. It felt strange to have one maid of honor and one bridesmaid.
HOW WILL THE MAIDS OF HONOR FEEL ABOUT IT?
Not knowing how other people will feel about this could be a big deterrent to having more than one maid of honor. There may be people in your life who feel like it’s their role, and only their role. So, depending on the people, the subject should be brought up carefully and thoughtfully.
The thing is, if you want more than one maid of honor, you have your reasons. And no matter what they are, even if they aren’t on the list above, they are valid. This is your wedding, and your vision. You want to make sure it all comes together in a certain way. It’s not about what other people think is right for your wedding, it’s what you believe.
So, if you let someone know that you want them, and another person, to be your maid of honor, tell them with excitement, and let them know why. Hopefully they will already understand before you’re done explaining. The underlying reason should be that you love and care about both people very much and really want them to each have a big role in your wedding.
HOW WOULD MORE THAN ONE MAID OF HONOR SPLIT UP THE ROLE?
If you opt to have more than one maid of honor, you may be wondering how they can split the role up. Luckily, you’ll get to make up your own rules when it comes to this.
For example:
- Each maid of honor can come dress shopping with you
- Both can help pick out the wedding party’s clothes
- One can plan the bridal shower, while one plans the bachelorette party
- They can share planning of events, but tag team individual tasks. For example, with regards to bridal showers, one could handle the invitations and schedule while the other takes care of the décor and activities.
- One can give a speech at your rehearsal dinner, while one gives a speech at the wedding
- Each maid of honor can have a role in the ceremony; one can hold your bouquet while one fluffs your dress
As you can see, it is possible to split up the role and still rely on each maid of honor to be there for important decisions and events.
BENEFITS OF MORE THAN ONE MAID OF HONOR:
It’s clear that having more than one maid of honor is right for some weddings. Let’s summarize some of the benefits, just in case you’re on the fence about it:
- You’ll have two (or more) wonderful people taking on a helpful role for your wedding
- You don’t have to make a difficult decision
- The duties can be split between two people
- Different skill sets can take on different tasks
- If you have a large wedding party, it will be easier for each person to coordinate with the group
- If you have a small wedding party, the entire wedding party can have the same title
There are clearly other benefits to having more than one maid of honor, but those may be more specific to your situation and wedding party.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
And there you have it. Honestly, I found having more than one maid of honor to be the best decision for my own wedding. It felt right that the two women standing up front with me share the title. They each were able to play to their capabilities and capacity, and there was no hurt feelings at all. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice:
Here Comes The Bridesmaid Proposal!
How To Have A Wedding For Less Than $5,000
10 Low Key Bachelorette Party Ideas
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