Oooh! Who are you going to pick for your wedding party?
Choosing a wedding party, or bridal party for some dialects, is something that many engaged people struggle with, whether they want a wedding party or not. For each partner to choose the exact same number of people they love and care about, who will support them, to stand next to them during the big day, is not always easy.
It can be downright overwhelming.
I’d like to offer my advice on how to objectively pick who stands with you, literally and figuratively before, during, and after your wedding. I say objectively because if you choose a wedding party without really looking at the people you’re asking, and if they will actually enhance your wedding experience, it could make things harder later on.
Yes, there are some emotions when you choose your party, and you may feel certain obligations to ask specific people in your life, but you need to use common sense when you ask someone to stand with you. You may feel obligated to include certain in-laws, cousins, or even friends who once included you, and that’s alright. In many families or friend groups, the choices can be very political. I’ll go over below the right way to decide your wedding party, despite the expectations of others.
It’s a big honor to be in a wedding party, but also a huge responsibility. When it comes to designing your bridal party, you may have some best friends or family in mind, but are debating who will be the right choice and how many people to have for both you and your partner.
Check out the advice below on how to pick the best people for your particular wedding.
IDEAL WEDDING PARTY MEMBER QUALITIES
Let’s go over some basic criteria you’ll want to find in each party member.
Reliable
Seriously, this is a huge one.
You don’t want someone in your wedding party who will flake on events that are well planned. Ideally, everyone in your wedding party will show up, on time and prepared for any expectations you have of them for each of the situations they are included in. The amount of stress that unreliability and flakiness causes is unreal.
When you’re planning a wedding, you don’t need any extra headaches, so choose bridal party members who you can count on.
Supportive
I can’t stress this one enough – ask people who will be happy for your and your partner’s future to be in your wedding party. This means that your party will be able to encourage you if you start getting nervous, or help guide you through obstacles, before and after your wedding.
Good Attitude
Nothing ruins the mood of a party like a sour puss. We all have bad days, but if you’re considering asking someone who is known to be grumpy. . . you may want to reconsider it.
Wedding events are supposed to be happy and fun, and bridal members who are grouches can make them just the opposite of that. Additionally, those with bad attitudes can create a lot of conflict and drama. If this happens to your wedding, be sure to communicate with your party member. Ask them what’s going on and if you can do anything to make their attitude better. You may find this helps the situation.
Ability & Willingness to Be Available
This is a tricky one to explain.
As we get older, many of your friends may have kids, work, or other obligations that can take priority over your wedding and events leading up to it. Distance and time limitations can make it hard for even the best of us to drop our lives and show up for our engaged friends. I am not saying that you shouldn’t include your friends who are parents or work long hours. . . as long as they have a general willingness to be there for you when it matters, and you understand that their obligations may get in the way of their attendance at some pre-wedding events.
Financially Sound
Being in a wedding party isn’t exactly free of charge.
Unless the bride and groom are super wealthy and springing for everything. . . some costs will definitely come up. From attire, contributions for the bachelorette/bachelor parties, travel expenses to attend showers, and any pre-wedding extras, it can absolutely break the bank if you can’t afford it.
I’m not saying that your friends need to be rich to be in your wedding. However, they should be financially able to live up to your vision.
HOW TO NARROW WEDDING PARTY CHOICES DOWN FURTHER
If you’re still struggling on who to include, there are further ways to narrow down your party candidates.
If you have a large amount of people in mind and they are all reliable, supportive, financially able, and have great attitudes, it can be really hard to choose. To help, ask yourself the following questions:
- How long have you known this person? Are you friends because of a certain season of life (are they work, college, or gym friends)? Some of these people may have been close with you at one point in time, but once life changes the friendship may fizzle out. Be sure to have wedding party members you are confident will be in your life forever.
- Who can take care of things for you? If you’re in a bind, is this a person you would turn to for help?
- Who is available to travel? Do you have someone in mind who you know will make it a priority to come to the pre-wedding events, or are you thinking of asking someone who has a lot of life obligations or limitations when it will come to your wedding?
- Who is financial able to be there? Will buying or renting an outfit be a hardship for them? Will they be able to afford to come to your pre-wedding events?
- Who is flexible and agreeable? Will adding them to your wedding day enhance your experience or make it more difficult?
EQUAL NUMBERS ON EACH WEDDING PARTY “SIDE”
Putting the emphasis on having the same number of people on each side of the aisle instead of choosing the right people can really throw you off when it comes to bridal parties.
A lot of brides and grooms want to have equal numbers of wedding parties on each of their sides, but honestly if everyone on your list doesn’t have the right qualities, and you have no decent replacements, please don’t stress on the numbers. I personally think that quality over quantity is the way to go here. Don’t include someone you’re not sure about just so guys and girls can be “even” in the photos.
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FEEL OBLIGATED TO INCLUDE SOMEONE
If you have folks who you feel obligated to include, but you’re not really excited about it for one or multiple reasons, please remind yourself, this is YOUR wedding.
You may be close to one cousin, but not her two sisters. This does not mean that your aunt can pressure you to include all three of them and cause two close friends to be bumped from the list. You’re about to be a married adult, someone who can have their own home and friends and live that adult life. Don’t add people to your bridal party because you feel obligated to. Ask your gut who to invite to join you, and go with that. Everyone else will just have to accept that this is your wedding and you feel confident in your choices.
HOW TO PICK THE “BEST MAN” AND “MAID OF HONOR”
This is a big one.
At the surface, it may seem like the two who hold titles of “Best Man” and “Maid of Honor” are your favorites, and this can cause others to feel slighted. However, in most cases these people didn’t get the “title” because you like them the most.
An ideal BM or MOH is one who can lead the group, take charge, and organize. They are usually conscientious and can take care of items that the bride and groom don’t have time for. They aren’t necessarily the “favorite”, but usually the best people for the “job”.
Now, that said, you may still have a hard time picking who should be the MOH or BM. I have to suggestions if you really can’t choose:
1. Have multiple Maids of Honor and Best Men
This isn’t really as complicated as it sounds.
Give more than one person the title. Ask them to do slightly different tasks. Maybe one MOH plans a shower and the other plans the Bachelorette. Maybe one goes dress shopping with you and the other can take charge on some decorations or flowers. If you ask multiple people to hold the title, and you communicate with each of them what is expected of them, it’s a great plan.
2. Don’t give anyone the title, or give everyone the same title.
You can actually give everyone the title of “groomsman” or “bridesmaid”. Seriously. As long as you communicate what you expect or need from each person, everything will be fine.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
There are a lot of factors that go into choosing a bridal party. Be sure to take your time considering your options for bridal party members well in advance of asking anyone. When you do ask others to be in your wedding, let them know what’s expected of them and also be realistic about what your family and friends are able to accomplish for you.
If you do some up front communication and planning, you’ll have an amazing experience with those who care about you the most.
More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice:
Six Pre-Wedding DIY Beauty Treatments (And One To Leave To A Professional)
How To Create A Detailed Wedding Budget
10 Lowkey Bachelorette Party Ideas
Did you find this post useful, inspiring? Save THIS PIN to your Wedding Party Board on Pinterest!
For more information from around the web, check out this post from The Knot on Must Know Tips For Choosing Your Bridal Party.
[…] Here is a post about choosing your wedding party. […]