Wedding day regrets are universal among everyone who has ever gotten married, even if it’s only over small things.
With weddings, because they are once in a lifetime, regrets are in a special category. And they can be about anything. From who you invited, to what you spent, and all the little details, something is bound to come up as a regret after the wedding.
The one good thing about regret is that you can attempt to prevent it. When it comes to wedding planning, in some situations, you just need to look at your choices and ask yourself if one day you will have regrets if you go one way over another. It may mean that you go ahead and make a certain choice, sacrificing in another area. Essentially, you’ll be trading one regret for another that you care less about.
For example, say you have to make a choice about spending money on a fancy photographer, or not. You’ll have to determine which option you’ll regret more – not having the fancy photographer or not having the money.
If you are having trouble deciding between options, the best thing you can do to prevent regrets is to see what other people regretted about their own weddings, and learn from them. Everyone is different and has their own preferences. However, learning from other people is a great way to mitigate your own future wedding day regrets. It will help you go for the choices that you may be on the fence about. Additionally, the wedding day regrets of others may make you aware of items that you haven’t already thought about, but should.
11 Common Wedding Day Regrets
This post has eleven common wedding day regrets that may or may not apply to your wedding.
In some cases, you may have already planned for or made a decision about certain things. In others, you may absolutely know that you will not need to incorporate this item into your wedding. At the end of the day, you will know what works best for your wedding, but it’s always great to hear tried and true lessons from others just in case.
Let’s get into it, shall we?
1. Not having videography
There are a lot of reasons to skip videography at your wedding. There are also a lot of reasons to splurge on it.
Videography, while awesome to have available later in life, can be super expensive. The extra cost, and weighing in the likelihood that you will actually watch the videos, can prompt you to want to skip the expense. The problem with videography is that you have to commit to it ahead of your wedding. It’s not something that you can go back and replicate. Hopefully, you’ll have amazing photos to look back on from your wedding day, but you may want to have more details about specific moments as time goes on.
If you are on the fence about videography, and have it in your budget, it may be worth it to just go for it. This will mitigate any wedding day regret that you may have later on about not having these videos available. Conversely, you could have a less expensive version of videography by asking a guest to hold a camcorder or phone during certain pivotal moments. Later, use that footage for your own viewing needs. While you may not have professional quality videos, you’ll still get to see your wedding from a different angle.
For more details on hiring a videographer, check out this post.
2. Stressing about little details
It’s very common to have wedding day stress.
The thing is, later on, you may wish you had chilled out a little. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the miniscule details of a wedding, and to take that stress out on others, letting it affect your life. It’s important to note a few things, though. First, your wedding day will not be perfect. There will always be things that you’ll wish you could go back and change. Second, guests don’t notice everything. All the tiny details will be lost on most of them, so don’t worry if something isn’t quite right.
After your wedding day is over, you may wish you had enjoyed the process a bit more. Being engaged is an exciting time, one where you often get a lot of attention, and you get to be super focused on the future. If wedding day stress ruins that time for you, you may need to rethink a few things.
Feel free to skip items that are causing you a lot of stress. Ask yourself if these items will help your marriage to determine if they are essential to your wedding day. Also, think back to other weddings you have attended. Do you remember the details you are stressing about at those weddings? Chances are, if they won’t help your relationship, and you can’t remember them from other weddings, the detail isn’t that important to your wedding and not worth stressing over. For more advice on managing wedding planning stress, check out this post.
3. Not having a solid transportation plan
This one hits close to home for me, because we got stranded at our wedding.
I go into it in this post, but essentially the shuttle bus that was supposed to come back for us after the wedding never arrived. And, we had no real back up plan. It took a while to pack everything up from the wedding, and a few of us were just stuck at the venue. Our wedding was a little far away from civilization, and well, it kind of put a damper on the evening. It was cold out, it was late, and my feet were killing me. Eventually a guest was able to give us a ride, and a shuttle bus did return for the remaining folks, but it was a little frustrating to say the least.
While many couples can figure out how to get to their ceremony, it’s less common to for them to determine how to leave. This may seem like an easy task to do. However, keep in mind that you’ll have wedding items to take with you, like gifts and décor. It will be later in the day or into the night, and you may be tired (or a little tipsy). Depending on your location, it may be difficult to obtain a ride share or cab back to where you need to be.
If at all possible, plan ahead for how you will get you, your partner, and your stuff back to where you will spend the night. This may mean that you ask a sober guest to get involved. Or, you’ll have to book your transportation well ahead of time. Just make sure that you have a plan, and a back up plan, just in case.
4. Drinking too much alcohol
Look, far be it for me to judge someone who wants to drink on their wedding day.
Drinking alcohol, in moderation, and for the right people, can be a really enjoyable experience, especially when it’s a big celebration like your wedding. The problem with alcohol is that too much of it can impact how you feel and how well you remember the day. And here’s the thing – on your wedding day, you’ll want to feel your best and remember it well.
On your wedding day, it will probably be worth it to pace your drinking, or refrain from drinking until very close to the wedding reception. Be sure to drink lots of water regardless, and have enough to eat. If you have others around you who start drinking early on, take your time with it. Don’t feel pressure to keep up. It’s not other people’s wedding day, and they don’t have anything to lose by going overboard.
5. Not having a bad weather plan
No matter where you live, the weather can turn on your wedding day.
I live in California, where the weather is very moderate and predictable. However, I’ve been to my share of weddings that took place during heat waves, and the weather became one of the most memorable parts of the experience. Depending on where you live, you may have rain, snow, or wind to contend with. Not to mention cold weather (as was the case on my actual wedding day).
When it comes to weather, talk to your venue very early on about your options. You may be able to move parts of the wedding indoors, rent a tent, or have another choices available to you. The important thing is that you think about it early on, and have a back up plan in case you need it.
6. Not giving a toast at the wedding
I get it. Public speaking isn’t for everyone.
The thing is, weddings can be a really great time to thank the people who are there. Many guests may have put in a lot of effort to plan for your wedding, and taking a moment to appreciate them is important. Some guests may have traveled, or done something really nice to make the day happen. Your actual wedding day is the right time to say something to them. Publicly acknowledging them in a toast will feel great for them, and probably for you, too.
If you are not into public speaking, you can show your appreciation for others in other ways as well. Perhaps you give them a card on your wedding day. Or, take a moment to pull them aside at the wedding to thank them personally. Depending on the person and your relationship, you could have a special dance with them, or even give them a personalized gift.
For more advice on wedding speeches, check out this recent post.
7. Leaving for the honeymoon too soon
The thought that you need to leave for your honeymoon right away can be blamed on movies and TV shows, right?
There is an image of couples, newly married, leaving their wedding reception, and heading right to the airport for their honeymoon. The thing is, this idea is awful. You’re going to be so busy on your wedding day the last thing you’ll want to do when it’s over is head to the airport. Plus, you’ll have a bunch of logistics to take care of after the wedding. You’ll need to get all your wedding items to the correct place, as well as take yourself to the next destination. It’s a lot to cram into each other right away.
The other aspect is that you may have friends or family coming to your wedding that you’ll want to spend time with in the days that follow. Leaving on your honeymoon right away means that you’ll miss some valuable face to face time with loved ones. These days, seeing loved ones is nothing to take for granted.
If you’re able to give yourself a week, or a month, or even a few months between wedding day and honeymoon, it may set yourselves up for success on both ends. You’ll be able to rest after the wedding if you give it time. You can take care of all the after-wedding-items and enjoy guests who are there for you. Additionally, you can plan properly activities for your honeymoon. Plus, packing slowly and not feel rushed to get there as soon as possible will feel great.
Depending on how much time lapses between wedding day and honeymoon, you may even be able to save some money for the actual trip so you’re not hitting one big expense on top of another.
8. Inviting too many people
While this may not be a regret for those who got married during the pandemic, it is something that has been a regret of the past, and is likely to become a regret of the future as things get back to normal.
With your wedding, it’s easy to feel pressure to invite a lot of people who you may or may not want there. Historically, friends of families, coworkers, and really anyone you may brush up with could be open to an invitation. The thing is, weddings can be a lot of work and super overwhelming, and that only increases with more and more guests. When it comes to guests, it should be about quality over quantity.
With a smaller guest list, not only do you save on money and some logistical issues, you also get to spend more quality time with each person. A smaller guest list means that you can actually enjoy the people who are there, rather than be spread super thin. There are a ton of perks to this. As the world opens up, and the possibility of big weddings become more and more common, keep in mind that bigger isn’t always better.
9. Not spending enough time with guests
Some couples have wedding day regrets about not spending enough time with guests, and it’s a regret that I can appreciate.
There are a lot of things that can pull you away from your wedding. For example, having your photos taken is very time consuming. Also, dealing with a bustle, trying to get to the bathroom in a big dress, touching up make up, taking care of any drama, or being pulled aside by the wrong guest are all likely to happen. They can really get in the way of quality time with each guest.
To mitigate wedding day regrets about not spending enough time with guests, you could do a few things. First off, you could have a welcome party or large invitee list to the rehearsal dinner, to maximize time with the right people. During the wedding, you could go around to each table to see guests. You could have an after party or the next day hold a thank you brunch for everyone. No matter the size of your wedding, this should allow you ample opportunities to see guests and spend time with them.
10. Not practicing veil and bustle placement before the wedding
I can’t stress this enough – do not attempt to use your bustle or install your veil for the first time on your wedding day.
I think a lot of people underestimate how much time a bustle can take. Depending on the ribbons, hooks, or set up in general, finding the right spot to put each item can be a huge, time consuming task. Additionally, veils can be tricky, too. They may have clips that mess up your hair, or not stay in place correctly. Whenever possible, practice both your bustle and veil ahead of the wedding, with those who will be helping you on the big day. This will not only save you time, it will save you sanity.
11. Not putting your own needs and wants first
Yes, your wedding day should be enjoyable for guests.
However, the day is about you and your partner, first and foremost. Trying to please others and putting your own comfort aside is not going to make for an awesome wedding day experience. In fact, it may make you really stressed out and regret having the wedding altogether if it gets bad enough. It’s okay to make compromises as you plan your wedding, but be sure to respect your own wishes and don’t compromise on items that make you miserable.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
No wedding is perfect, but yours can come super close. All you have to do is plan for the things that you really care about, learn from other couples, and be true to yourself and your own wedding day vision. When in doubt, pay attention the things that matter the most – your partner, your guests, and your own happiness. Everything else will fall into place.
More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice:
Five Things That Went Wrong On My Wedding Day
Three Ways To Be Centered & Relaxed On Your Wedding Day
12 Unity Ceremony Ideas & Customs
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