The Most Controversial Wedding Traditions

The most controversial wedding traditions, coming right up!

When it comes to weddings, everyone has an opinion about traditions. While every opinion is valid, some are just controversial. Traditions can vary from culture to culture, and by generation. What was once the status quo may be optional now. What was once blasphemy to do, or to skip, is totally mainstream. Traditions change, and this is okay as time goes on.

Of course, we still see controversial wedding traditions today. Some people are purists when it comes to weddings, and like to stick to what was always done. However, others like to go against tradition. Sometimes going against tradition becomes so popular that the opposite of the tradition becomes the tradition. Now, that is a mind shift for you.

This post is going to go over the most controversial wedding traditions. If you are planning a wedding and want to include one of these traditions, no judgement from my end. We definitely had a bunch of these traditions at our wedding. Just know that for one reason or another, some people may have issues with these traditions.

Let’s get into it!

ASKING FOR PERMISSION TO PROPOSE

Let’s start off with a biggie. The wedding tradition where the potential groom asks a girl’s father if he can propose to her.

Back in the day, when everyone was getting married super young, this wedding tradition probably made a lot of sense. I mean, marriage is a big deal. Having your parents help weigh in on your choices was likely a good thing for super young brides. Plus, historically, marriage has been more of a business transaction between families and fathers probably had a lot of opinions about what was to transpire.

However, these days, in America, weddings have changed. We’re getting married quite a bit older. Way after we’ve moved out of our parent’s house. In most cases, it doesn’t make sense to ask permission to propose to a woman who’s already on her own.

While this tradition may be kind of sweet, and blessings are more of what is sought after today rather than permission, it still is quite controversial when it’s brought up in conversation.

BRIDES FAMILY PAYS FOR THE WEDDING

In the past I’ve written about dowries, and the historical reasons why bride’s families were stuck with the wedding bill. It used to make sense. But no longer.

It is a controversial wedding tradition to assume that a bride’s family will pay for her wedding. As mentioned earlier, brides are getting married older these days. They may have their own money. And, grooms are in the same boat. In fact, most couples help fund most or all of their weddings in America these days.

Long story short, when it comes to payment, never assume anything. By the way, here’s a post on why it’s a good thing to pay for your own wedding.

ROWDY BACHELOR PARTIES

What’s your first thought when you think of a bachelor party?

Be honest.

You probably thought about a group of guys, drunk, sweaty, drooling at some seedy “gentlemen’s club”, didn’t you? Yeah, I knew it.

Bachelor parties have a bad rep. Look no further than movies like The Hangover, and you can see why. The truth, though? Most bachelor parties are pretty tame. Depending on the groom, they may be no more than a group of guys camping. Or going to a concert. They’re just hanging out, not getting into trouble. Yet, still, bachelor parties can be controversial.

My advice? If your partner wants a bachelor party, and you don’t trust him, he might not be the guy for you. Just saying.

BACHELORETTE PARTIES

Oh, did you think the ladies were off the hook when it came to the most controversial wedding traditions?

Like bachelor parties, bachelorettes have almost as bad of a reputation. When we think of them we often imagine a group of sloppy women, stumbling around a city, crying and falling down. What an awful image, right? No wonder bachelorettes are controversial.

What’s real, though? Bachelorettes aren’t that bad. Most of the ones I’ve been to have been really reasonable, super fun, and full of friends and laughs. In fact, low key bachelorettes are on the rise, as written about in this post.

DIAMOND RINGS

Oh, the diamond ring. A quick online search will reveal why this is one of those controversial wedding traditions that people don’t really want to talk about. Or, when they do, things can get heated.

The thing is, diamond mining in and of itself is controversial. Due to weak regulation, irresponsible mining can cause damage to soil, forests, and create mass relocation in already impoverished areas. Plus, diamond mining can be a dangerous job for many involved in it. When buying a diamond ring, it’s important to purchase from a company who properly sources their diamonds, or purchase manufactured diamonds, to avoid supporting unethical industry practices.

THE FIRST LOOK

First looks have become more mainstream in the last decade or so, but there is still some controversy around them.

Many people still believe that it’s bad luck for the couple getting married to see each other before the wedding. So much so that they will go through extreme lengths to ensure that the first viewing takes place as the bride walks down the aisle, and not a second beforehand. And though many families don’t see first looks as one of the most controversial wedding traditions, many do.

If you want to have a first look (and there are many benefits to them, as outlined in this post!), you should go for it. Don’t worry about what your family says to you. You won’t have bad luck because of it, I promise.

HAVING A VEIL COVER THE BRIDE’S FACE

Veils have a long history of usage. And, much of the reason why veils have been around have to do with controversy regarding women.

I detailed the history in this post, but some of the original uses of veils included making sure that the groom didn’t run away from an unattractive bride in arranged marriages. Ick. Other uses still aren’t that women-friendly, either. Hence the controversy.

Today, some brides do opt to wear a veil over their face. Some clip one to the back of their hair. Still more, some brides forgo a veil at all. If you want to wear a veil over your face, you do you.

BRIDESMAIDS DRESSES

Remember the old joke about bridesmaids dresses? That they were hideous and meant to look ridiculous. Well, luckily we’ve gotten away from that one.

However, bridesmaids dresses still come with some controversy. Typically, they really are a one-wear kind of dress. And, bridesmaids are usually the ones who pay for them. Plus, some weddings have everyone match each other, meaning that not every dress will be flattering on every bridesmaid. It can be a lot when you really think about it, and totally controversial.

If you need some tips on shopping for bridesmaids dresses, this is the post for you.

GIVING THE BRIDE AWAY

I once wrote a post on giving the bride away. It definitely deserves a spot on the most controversial wedding traditions post, too.

Why is giving the bride away so controversial? Well, it has to do with the history of the tradition. Back in the day women were considered property of their fathers until they were given to their husband. Unfortunately, women haven’t always been able to own property and other assets, so they required a male’s assistance to get by in daily life. Luckily, times have changed, at least in America.

Look, there is nothing wrong with your dad walking you down the aisle. But let’s be clear here. He isn’t giving you away. He’s giving his love and blessings, and this is a good thing.

SUPER SUBMISSIVE VOWS

Okay, I know that some of you don’t think that this belongs on a list of the most controversial wedding traditions.

Hear me out.

I once went to a wedding with my husband. Neither of us are religious, and we aren’t used to very religious vows. At this particular wedding, the wife agreed to “submit” about ten times to her husband, throughout their vows. They agreed in their vows that he was in charge of the family, would make the decisions, and she would follow his lead.

Look, I know that there are a lot of Biblical verses and such to support these types of vows. However, they totally rubbed me the wrong way. I just didn’t get it. And because of that, submissive vows land on this list.

CAKE IN THE FACE

Have you ever been to a wedding where cake ended up on the newlywed’s faces? I have, and to be honest, it’s a bit off-putting.

Now, if you and your partner want to have fun, go for it. Some grooms won’t mind a little smushed cake on their face in the name of laughs and making their new partner smile. However, as a bride, I would want to die if cake was on my face. I mean, I spent hours getting ready on my wedding day. Professionals were paid. Thoughts were had. I looked perfect, and there was no way that cake was getting in the way of that.

Long story short, think before you smush. That’s all I’m saying.

TOSSING THE BOUQUET

If you’ve read the blog for awhile you know I have some thoughts about tossing the bouquet.

I just think it’s weird, for most weddings.

If you have a lot of single people at your wedding, it can be fun to get the singles together and toss the bouquet to see who catches it and will be the “next to get married”. However, after a certain age, the singles dwindle. And, they don’t want to be called out for it. Asking single ladies to gather in hopes of marriage is just kind of strange, right? Especially when the singles are over the age of thirty.

When in doubt, skip this tradition. Or, replace it with something different, as outlined in this post.

THE GARTER TOSS

Oh, you thought I’d leave the garter toss off the list of the most controversial wedding traditions? You thought wrong.

We can basically double everything I said about the bouquet toss, for the garter toss. The whole singles thing, calling out those who aren’t yet married, and making a scene about it. However, the garter toss is so much more controversial. Because of the garter, and the placement of it. I’m sure there are some brides who are all about the “garter retrieval”. But, I’m positive there are some brides who would rather crawl into a hole than participate in a cringy retrieval scene in front of their families and friends.

Again, skip it if you’re not into it. Just know it’s a bit controversial if you are.

TOSSING RICE

I’m sure you’ve seen about a hundred movies where rice is thrown at the newlyweds as they leave their wedding. But, how about in real life?

Not so much, right?

The thing with rice is that it causes issues. Some say that birds eat it and get sick. Others say that it’s impossible to clean up. Still more argue that it doesn’t feel nice for the newlyweds and gets stuck in hair and clothes and everywhere you don’t want rice. So, to throw rice at a wedding is definitely controversial.

Looking for a big exit that doesn’t involve rice? How about sparklers? Or bubbles? Need more ideas? This is an old post that may help you out.

THOUGHTS ON THE MOST CONTROVERSIAL WEDDING TRADITIONS

There’s a takeaway when it comes to the most controversial wedding traditions. It’s that not everything is for everyone. Sometimes when we know better, we do better. However, when it’s your wedding, go for the traditions that you enjoy. The ones that make the most sense for you. Don’t omit something you’d love at your wedding just because it’s controversial. It’s your wedding, your way. Happy wedding planning!

More On Wedding Traditions From Hummingbird Wedding Advice

Which American Wedding Traditions Are Falling Out Of Style?

Seven Wedding Traditions You May Have Never Heard Of

Wedding Food Traditions From Around The World

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