Friends, I know it is so hard to forgive a wedding guest who ruined your big day.
They say that forgiveness isn’t for the person who wronged you. It’s for you. The point of forgiveness is so you can let go of the negative feelings you are holding on to. They are icky. They don’t feel good. And, it’s no fun to keep them with you, especially when you don’t have to.
That said, when it comes to your wedding, things can get really, really, real. Your wedding is meant to be one of the most joyful, memorable days of your life. It’s supposed to be filled with love, celebration, and connection. However, sometimes things don’t go as planned. Sometimes wedding guests act out in ways that cloud the occasion, leaving you angry, hurt, or embarrassed. And while it’s not okay, it’s also important for you to forgive a wedding guest who may have impacted your wedding.
How To Forgive A Wedding Guest Who Ruined Your Big Day
This post is going to share tips to help you forgive a wedding guest who ruined your big day. Maybe they gave an inappropriate speech. Perhaps there was drama between them and others. Or, they may have had too many drinks, or overstepped. No matter what, you’re feeling some kind of way about them, and you want to “get over it”. This post will show you how in practical, emotionally healthy ways so you can let go and move forward with grace.
Let’s get into it!
ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS FIRST
Before we can get through our feelings, we first need to acknowledge them.
I do this practice with my child. He’s got big feels, and it’s essential that they are validated before he can process them. So, let’s do that with you. I hearforth give you permission to feel exactly how you feel. Be it angry, disappointed, embarrassed, or betrayed, your reaction is valid. It’s okay. You spent a lot of time and money planning your wedding, and it wasn’t okay that a wedding guest violated your plans.
You do not need to rush to forgiveness, or minimize what happened. It bothered you, and that’s alright. So, sit with your feelings. Talk it out with someone you trust. Journal your thoughts. Identify exactly what you want to forgive. Sometimes the hurt isn’t about what happened, but rather about feeling that someone disrespected your boundaries or efforts.
IDENTIFY WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED
When emotions are high, and things are little busy and hazy, it may be difficult to fully understand events that unfolded. Stories can get distorted and exaggerated.
So, take some time to reflect on what actually happened during your wedding. Think about your sources and your own memories. Reflect on the behavior that occurred, and also past behavior from the wedding guest who ruined your big day.
Ask yourself if the behavior was intentionally bad, or just bad judgement. Reflect on the influence alcohol or stress may have had on them. Think about who else may have been impacted by their behavior. And, lastly, decide if you should give them any leeway or credit based on their behavior after the wedding. For example, if they were apologetic or acknowledged their bad behavior, it may influence your motivation to forgive.
Understanding the context doesn’t make the wedding guest’s bad behavior okay. However, it can help you see the situation more clearly. This will help you on your path to forgiveness.
DECIDE IF A CONVERSATION IS NEEDED
Once you process the initial shock, disappointment, anger, or resentment towards a wedding guest who ruined your wedding, it’s time to determine your own actions.
Not every incident requires a confrontation. In some cases, if the offense was minor or unintentional, you may be able to move on without talking about it. That said, if the guest’s behavior caused some serious harm, either emotionally or relationally, you may want to talk to them about it. A calm conversation can give you both a chance to clear the air.
Remember to approach the talk with “I” statements. For example, say things like “I was really hurt when I learned about the situation at my wedding”, rather than “you really messed up“. The goal isn’t to attack, but it is to express how their actions impacted you. You want to give them the opportunity to take responsibility.
SET BOUNDARIES MOVING FORWARD
Speaking from personal experience, it is empowering to forgive while you set boundaries. This can help you let go of anger without reopening access to your heart, or your life.
If the wedding guest who ruined your wedding is someone you’d like to continue to have in your life, consider the boundaries you’d like to set with them. This may mean that you will not see them if they are drinking alcohol. Or there are certain events they will not be invited to in the future. Be brave, and be honest about what you’re comfortable with, and what you aren’t okay with. Then leave it up to them to respect your boundaries.
Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean that you have to maintain the same level of closeness. Sometimes it’s okay to forgive people while keeping them at a distance.
CHOOSE TO FORGIVE FOR YOURSELF, NOT FOR THEM
As mentioned earlier, forgiveness is not about the other person. It’s not about letting them off the hook, or saying what they did was understandable. It’s about freeing yourself from the emotional weight of resentment.
Holding onto anger won’t change the past. It will, however, drain you of energy, interfere with your memories, and potentially impact your life and relationships. Forgiveness is something you need to do for your own healing. Not because the other person deserves it, but because you do.
LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCE
The silver lining of this situation is that you can learn from it.
Perhaps you have learned who you can trust. Who you can count on. Maybe you’ve learned who you need to keep your distance from, or who you can’t trust. Perhaps you’ve learned a little about yourself. Every situation is a learning opportunity, so take some time to think about what this experience has taught you. Yes, there was a wedding guest who ruined a part of your wedding, but that doesn’t mean you can’t grow as a person from it.
Take a little time to reflect, and perhaps include your spouse. Talk about what you’d do differently, if given the chance. Discuss how you want to handle challenging people or situations in the future. And, lastly, decide what your boundaries are. Not only will you learn about yourself, but if you include your partner, you could strengthen your relationship, too.
REFRAME YOUR MEMORY OF THE DAY
One of the hardest parts of wedding guest drama is that it can overwrite your good memories. You may find yourself focusing on the wedding guest who ruined your wedding rather than the dozens of amazing guests or memories that made your day special.
It’s time to shift your mindset. Start by looking through photos and finding the joy in them. You can even start to create a memory book or put out framed photos to help remind you of the good parts of your wedding. You can also talk to guests who had a great time and weren’t involved in the drama to gather their experiences and remind yourself of what went well. And, lastly, you can write about what you loved about your wedding day. Give the good parts more weight, and it will help the heavy memories and feelings lighten.
GIVE IT TIME
Forgiveness, especially after a major event, takes time.
So give yourself that grace.
Don’t pressure yourself to “get over it” by a certain date. If the wedding guest who ruined your wedding hasn’t apologized or taken ownership of their behavior, you need to stop waiting for it. It may never come. This means that forgiveness will need to come from within yourself.
So, check in with yourself from time to time. See if you’re thinking about the behavior or situation less as the weeks roll on. Decide if you’re ready to move on. Determine what will give you more peace. Remember, healing isn’t linear. However, with time and intention, your feelings will lessen, and your love for your wedding day will shine through.
WHEN TO SEEK OUTSIDE SUPPORT
If you feel like you can’t move past your anger, resentment, or negative feelings towards the wedding guest who ruined your day, you may want to seek outside help.
Additionally, if the incident has caused lasting tension, anxiety, or disrupted your relationship with your partner, it’s a sign that outside help may be useful as well. Sometimes a wedding conflict can bring up deeper issues around boundaries, people-pleasing, and unhealed wounds. Working with a licensed counselor can help you work through those emotions, and get you on the path to “letting go”.
HOW TO FORGIVE A WEDDING GUEST WHO RUINED YOUR WEDDING
Friends, it’s never fun to move through the feelings caused by a wedding guest who ruined your big day. Dealing with frustrations, emotions, and anger is difficult. However, you’re not alone. Countless couples have faced this situation and have come out stronger, wiser, and clearer on their values and relationships. Remember, forgiveness doesn’t make the behavior okay. It means that you choose your own well-being over resentment. Move forward in the best way you know how, and know that your wedding meant more than one person’s bad behavior.
More On Wedding Drama From Hummingbird Wedding Advice
How To Deal With Family Drama Around Your Wedding
All About Avoiding Bachelorette Party Drama
How To Tactfully and Empathetically Uninvite Someone From Your Wedding
Did you find this post helpful, inspiring? PIN it to your After The Wedding Board on Pinterest!
Leave a Reply