Giving the bride away at weddings is a common tradition with a long history.
This custom can be traced back to the days when women were unable to be independent without the help of men. The days when women first belonged to their fathers. Then, their husbands. And lastly, their sons. The tradition of giving the bride away goes back to when a woman who had never been married, or didn’t have a male figure in her life, would have had difficulty doing all sorts of things. This included owning property, having a job, or inheriting money.
However, times have changed, at least in the USA and Canada. Women no longer need a man to move forward in life. Which begs the question, why are brides typically given away at their wedding? A man, usually the bride’s father, walking her down the aisle, and declaring that he was giving the bride away to her husband, can seem antiquated once you learn the history of it. However, this custom is also long honored and can be a really sweet part of today’s weddings.
Giving The Bride Away – History, Traditions, & Alternatives
When it comes to giving the bride away, almost every wedding will have a version of it. It may not be common to see a father pronounce that he is literally giving his baby girl to her new husband. However, we do see a lot of spins on this. This post is going to explore the history of giving the bride away, how the tradition works today, and alternatives that may better suit your wedding and style.
Let’s get into it!
GIVING THE BRIDE AWAY – A HISTORY LESSON
As previously mentioned, the history of giving the bride away goes way back to when women were unable to be independent without a man’s presence.
For most of history, marriage has been a business transaction rather than an act of love. For many prominent families, marriage meant that two families would join together. It was often arranged by the parents of the couple. This is seen time and time again, throughout lots of cultures and centuries. Sometimes the couple had never even met until their wedding day. This article claims that the presence of the bride’s father at a wedding serves as insurance that the wedding would take place.
With marriage being a business transaction, there have been two exchanges of money that historically occurred when a marriage happened – a dowry and a bridewealth. Read on to learn more about both.
Dowry
A dowry is when the bride’s family pays the groom’s family a sum of money when the two get married.
According to this article, the main intention was for the newlyweds to build a new life together, though there are some other obvious benefits for the groom’s family. Because it hasn’t been until recently that women could inherit money, a dowry has also served as the bride’s inheritance. Essentially, it passes her father’s wealth to her husband, and therefore she should benefit from it as well.
In today’s world, we don’t normally see dowries in the US and Canada, but our modern wedding registries could be seen as a form of a dowry. This is because they are also intended to help the couple start a new life together. This may also be where the tradition of the bride’s family paying for the wedding comes from.
Dowries have history in Babylon, Ancient Greece, China, throughout Europe, and the Roman Empire. It’s also been documented here, in North America. Today it’s still seen in India, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Egypt, and many other countries in the Middle East.
Bridewealth
A bridewealth, or brideprice, is the opposite of a dowry, though it’s often accompanied with a dowry payment.
Depending on the culture and time, some groom’s families have actually given money to the bride’s family for her hand in marriage. This compensation was for her to work within her “new” family going forward. It also showed her family that the groom was financially able to take care of her.
This article has pointed out that the modern tradition of giving an engagement ring is probably a variation of a bridewealth. It’s important to note that in cultures where a bridewealth was practiced, a divorce was traditionally not considered official unless that amount was returned to the groom’s family.
Historically, bridewealth has been practiced in Mesopotamia, in Jewish traditions, Ancient Greece, and Islamic law. Today, it’s still seen in parts of Africa, Asia, and Oceana.
Money & Giving The Bride Away
Okay, so what does money have to do with the history of giving a bride away?
Well, as you can tell, money was often associated with a marriage. Essentially, after the exchange of a dowry or bridewealth, the last step was to physically hand one’s daughter to her new husband. As such, the act of giving the bride away could have also been seen as a handshake. Or, a number of physical acts that solidified a deal.
Though there may have been some strings attached with the actual exchange of money, such as staying married, or making payments over time, the marriage itself did make the transactions officially agreed upon and closed.
GIVING THE BRIDE AWAY – TRADITION TODAY
Alright, let’s talk about the act of giving the bride away today, now that we’ve gone over the history of it. It’s very common to see this tradition practiced, and it’s usually a really nice moment to watch at a wedding.
It’s A Feel Good Moment
Even if there are some icky reasons why this tradition of giving the bride away started and continued throughout history, we can all agree that it can be a totally feel-good moment at any wedding. It’s a very special act between a bride and the person walking her down the aisle.
No matter what the culture is, the last person to go down the aisle is always the bride. And, with this big moment of her entering the ceremony, why wouldn’t she want someone she cares about at her side? It doesn’t have to be about actually “giving her away”. It can be about the presence of someone who has cared for her throughout her life being with her.
When you think about it that way, it really does appear that walking someone down the aisle isn’t about giving them away. It’s more about showing how much you honor the other one in your life.
Lots Of Symbolism
Most women today would consider themselves rather independent, or at least not the possession of another person’s. However, this doesn’t take away from the symbolism of being walked down the aisle.
Before a wedding ceremony, a bride is unmarried, and afterwards, she is married. Entering into another chapter of her life can be overwhelming and surreal. The act of walking down the aisle and taking a moment to transfer yourself physically from one person to your future spouse symbolizes entering a new way of life. Plus, it gives her escort an opportunity to pass on luck and well wishes at the last moment of unmarried life.
Ceremonies are filled with symbolism and meaning. They also tend to be filled with physical acts that solidify a union. Walking down the aisle and being “given away” can be just that.
Many Cultures Enjoy This Tradition
There are lots of cultures around the world that really enjoy this tradition, including many in the USA and Canada.
In some cultures, both parents are involved in bringing the bride down the aisle. This is typically seen at Jewish weddings, with the mother on the right and the father on the left. In many religious ceremonies the officiant may have words about giving the bride away, as part of their traditional ceremony. This is seen when they ask questions like “who gives this woman to be married to this man?”.
Today, most families may agree that the woman does not actually belong to her family, and has free will to do what she wants. However, there are many people who enjoy the tradition and want to honor it.
ALTERNATIVES TO GIVING THE BRIDE AWAY
Let’s be clear about a few things now that we’ve explored giving the bride away, in history and today.
First, if you want to have your father walk you down the aisle and agree to give you away, that is totally fine. If you want your officiant to confirm that your family blesses this marriage before you transfer your hand to your new partner’s, it’s your prerogative. There is absolutely no judgement about it.
However, if you may be looking for other methods to walk down the aisle, and need a few ideas. There can be a lot of reasons why you don’t want to go the traditional route of being given away. First, your father may not be in the picture, or able to attend your wedding. Second, you may be independent, and find this tradition is not appropriate for you. Third, the history may not sit well with you and you’re looking to go more unconventional for your wedding.
No matter the reason, it’s important that you design the wedding that is right for you and your partner, and know what else is out there.
Alternatives To The Traditional Way:
- Have your father walk you down the aisle. At the end, just do a quick hug and kiss before you walk towards your partner. Omit all confirmation that you are being given away.
- Walk in with both parents.
- Ask someone other than your father to walk you down the aisle. This could be your mom, step-parent, grandparent, sibling, friend, or just about anyone you want.
- Have the officiant ask “who gives this bride away” and then answer that you give yourself away, with your family’s blessing.
- Avoid walking down the aisle, and just be at the front, with your partner, from the start of the ceremony.
- You can walk yourself.
- Walk in with your partner.
- Walk in halfway, and then have your partner meet you in the middle.
Also, if your father is at your wedding, but not walking you down the aisle, you can still honor him. For example, you can dedicate a song to him. Or, ask him do a reading at the ceremony. Having a special dance, or thanking him in a toast or speech are also appropriate. It’s all about designing something that is authentic to you and your relationship with your dad (or anyone else at the wedding).
CLOSING THOUGHTS
There it is, friends. Personally, if I had been able to have my father at my wedding, he would have walked me down the aisle. However, we wouldn’t have considered it giving me away. I think we would have done a quick hug and kiss at the end of the aisle, and called it good. But that was just us. These days, the act of giving the bride away doesn’t have to be about money, ownership, and all the negative things of the past. It can really be about love and support, and creating a fantastic moment in time.
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