I know all too well why it’s important to honor a late loved one at your wedding. And while it’s not ideal, it does make your wedding day just a little bit more special.
When a loved one is not able to be at your wedding, it can be absolutely devastating. Your wedding day is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, but the absence of certain people can make it incredibly bittersweet. This can be true even if your loved one hasn’t passed away yet. They may be too sick to attend, incarcerated, or absent for personal reasons. In any case, you may want to honor them because you miss them, and it’s the right thing to do.
Though I wanted to acknowledge that there are many reasons why someone can’t be at your wedding, my experience is that a loved one wasn’t at my wedding because they had passed away. If you want to learn more about my experience of being engaged after loss, this is the post that goes into it. My dad passed away two years before my wedding, and while I wished he was there to share the day with me, I was still able to find ways to enjoy my wedding and remember him.
How To Honor Your Loved One At Your Wedding
How you honor your late loved ones at your wedding should be based on what feels right to you. When I was planning my wedding, I explored some of the below ideas and decided they didn’t fit my style. Instead, I implemented some ideas that were very specific to my situation (wearing a necklace with my dad’s ashes, dancing with my mom). The point is that you honor your late loved one in a way that feels authentic to you, your wedding, and to your loved one. There is no wrong way to honor someone, and there are no rules here.
Let’s get into it.
1. DESIGN YOUR THEME IN HONOR OF YOUR LATE LOVED ONE
This is a very private and special way to honor your late loved one. Design your wedding theme around something that they loved.
It doesn’t have to be overt. Maybe your late grandma loved the color purple, and that becomes your main wedding color. Perhaps your mother loved the springtime, and you choose spring as your time to get married. It could be as “on the nose” or as vague as you feel comfortable with. You can even use your loved one as inspiration if you’re stuck on how to proceed with your theme and vision.
2. WEAR SOMETHING THAT WAS ONCE YOUR LOVED ONE’S
Now, I’m not saying that you go find your grandpa’s suit and wear that to your wedding. However, you can get creative with wearing something that was once your loved one’s.
Jewelry is a great example of something to wear. It can even double as something old, and something borrowed, if you’re following that tradition. Your dad’s tie, a watch, or even a lucky pair of socks can be a simple nod to honor your loved one. You can even cut a swatch out of something that was once theirs, and have it sewn into your clothing. Just as long as it’s with you, that’s what matters.
3. INCLUDE YOUR LOVED ONE’S NAME IN YOUR PROGRAMS OR WELCOME SIGN
This is a very subtle way to honor your late loved one. Just name them on a program or welcome sign.
I’ll give you what we did at our wedding as an example. We didn’t have programs, but we had a welcome sign. On the sign I listed out our names, our parent’s names, our officiant, and our wedding party. I didn’t want to *not* have my dad’s name on the sign, so I put it on there. Next to his name, in smaller font, I added “in spirit”. That was it. Nothing major, nothing sad. Just a quiet nod to his involvement in my wedding.
4. LIGHT A CANDLE FOR YOUR LOVED ONE
Lighting a candle for your late loved one can be as overt or as subtle as you want it to be.
For example, you could take a pause in your ceremony to light a candle for relatives who are there with you in spirit. You could even have your officiant explain what you are doing, and who it is for. Or, you could simply place a lit candle near a photo of your late relatives. If photos aren’t your style, you could light a candle and put it somewhere that is meaningful to you. As long as the candle is somewhere safe, this can be a special way to honor your late loved one at your wedding.
5. PLACE PHOTOS OF YOUR LOVED ONE AROUND YOUR WEDDING
For a more direct way to honor your late loved one, you can put photos of them around your wedding.
Now, some people will have a whole table dedicated to relatives and friends who have passed away. They may add a sign to that table that indicates that these are people who would be at the wedding, if they could be. In other cases, there may be photos spread out around the reception space, or placed strategically at the ceremony.
6. SAVE YOUR LATE LOVED ONE A SEAT
Okay, this next tip has some caveats. Saving your late loved one a seat at your wedding can be special, but it’s not for everyone.
Here’s the thing. If you want to save your loved one a seat at your wedding, and this is something meaningful for you, go for it. However, remember, this means that a choice seat may now be unavailable for those who are physically at your wedding. And, it calls attention to those who are not there. If you are okay with both of these nuances, go for it. Save that seat, and honor your late loved one that way.
7. HONOR YOUR LATE LOVED ONE IN YOUR VOWS
Here’s the thing about vows. They can be whatever you want them to be. This means that if you’d like to mention your loved on in your vows, you should absolutely do so.
Not sure what this may look like? Well, you can go into how much your partner meant to your loved one. Or, share a story where the two of them met or spent time together. You can thank your partner for being so supportive when your loved one passed away. Whatever seems appropriate to you, that’s what you should go ahead and do.
By the way, if you need help with your wedding vows, I have a guide to help you along. You can access it here.
8. TALK ABOUT YOUR LATE LOVED ONE IN A SPEECH
Just like how you can mention your late loved one in your wedding vows, you can also talk about them in any speeches you’re giving.
Now, now, I know not everyone gives a speech at their wedding. However, a lot of people do. I did. And, in it I thanked my uncle for walking me down the aisle in my father’s absence. I said that my father would be proud that his big brother was there to fill his shoes, and that he was there too, in spirit. That was it. I didn’t go into a long diatribe about him not being there. But I did include him. And that was what was most important to me.
9. SERVE YOUR LOVED ONE’S FAVORITE FOOD OR DRINK
It’s totally okay to subtly honor your late loved on with a nod to what they enjoyed in life. This may be reflected in your menu choices.
Honestly, you can go in any direction with this one. Did your loved one have a particular cocktail they enjoyed? Figure out how to serve it, and even name it after them. How about a dessert that they used to bake? Work it into your dessert bar. You can even choose proteins to serve based on what they used to love eating. It doesn’t have to be obvious to anyone but you, but you’ll know why you chose certain items over others.
10. HAVE A DANCE IN THEIR MEMORY
Most American weddings will have dances. Why not honor your late loved one with one?
I actually did this at my wedding. While I wasn’t able to have a father / daughter dance, I did do a dance with my mother. And, I invited all our wedding guests to join in. Ahead of the dance I grabbed the microphone and told them that this dance was in my dad’s honor. It was for him. And you know what? They joined in, and it was really uplifting and fun.
11. TAKE A PRIVATE MOMENT TO REMEMBER AND HONOR YOUR LATE LOVED ONE
Okay. Here we go.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you don’t have to do anything at all to honor your late loved one. Your wedding day is about your and your partner. It doesn’t have to call attention to anything else.
However.
You may still want to take a moment to reflect. To think about the person who is missing. To imagine what your wedding would be like with them there. The moment doesn’t have to be long. It doesn’t have to be obvious. It can be whenever works for you. And, if that’s all you want to do, that’s all you should do.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
If someone close to you has passed away before your wedding, my condolences are going out to you. I understand how heartbreaking this situation can be. Remember, your late loved one wants you to have an amazing wedding day. They do not want the fact that they aren’t there to ruin your experience. Keep that in mind as you honor your late loved one at your wedding, in the ways that you see fit. Happy wedding planning.
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