Are you ready to ask your partner’s parents for their blessing to get married? If so, you’re in the right place!
I think we can all agree that checking in with your partner’s parents before popping the question is a sweet thing to do. It’s not about actually asking for permission, per say, but rather making sure they are on board with the plan. Some parents are old school. And, some expect to be involved. By going to them before proposing, you’re covering your bases before you officially enter the family.
The thing is, there’s a right way to ask your partner’s parents for their blessing to get married, and a wrong way. No matter how you do it, your partner will find out about it. It may even become a story that is shared for years to come. So, it’s important that you look into how to do it right.
How To Ask Your Partner’s Parents For Their Blessing To Get Married
This post is going to share with you tips on how to ask your partner’s parents for their blessing to get married. I’ll give you pointers, and you can take them or leave them. Every family is different, and not every tip is for every situation. You’ll have to discern what feels right for you and the dynamic you have with your partner’s parents and move forward in a way that feels authentic.
Let’s get into it.
TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT IT, HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING
Before you ask your partner’s parents for their blessing to get married, it’s prudent to check in with your partner.
Meaning, do they even want to get married? Or are you off base?
It may seem strange that some people are completely unaware if their partner would say yes if proposed to, but it happens. Some couples never talk about getting married, only to find out later that both partners are not on the same page. So, before you propose, check in with your partner to find out their feelings on the matter.
Once you’ve confirmed that your partner is the marrying type, and would be likely to say yes to you, casually bring up how their parents would feel about it. In particular, if their parents would be expecting a conversation with them first, and how one would go about it. There are ways to ask about this organically and generally-speaking, without tipping your partner off, you just need to find your opportunity.
ENSURE YOU HAVE YOUR PARTNER’S PARENTS CONTACT INFORMATION
Now, onto the plan.
Logistically, you’ll have to have a way to get in touch with your partner’s parents without your partner’s help, if you want to ask them for their blessing. Make sure you have the right numbers or emails needed. It’s not that you are going to send them a text or email blurting out the reason you’re contacting them, but rather so you can arrange to meet up with them and talk.
SET UP A TIME TO ASK YOUR PARTNER’S PARENTS FOR THEIR BLESSING IN PERSON, IF POSSIBLE
Okay, setting up the time to talk.
Now, as I’ve mentioned before, every situation is different. Sometimes your partner’s parents live close by. Or, within a vicinity you can travel to easily. Sometimes they live far away. You may want to plan on talking to them while you and your partner are already planning to visit them. Or, you may want to arrange for a solo trip or visit without your partner.
If traveling or seeing them in person, talking via video chat is the next best thing. Asking your partner’s parents for their blessing to get married is a big deal. It’s the kind of conversation that warrants looking them in the eye. Doing this in person, or via video, is more ideal than just talking on the phone.
This maybe can go without saying, but just to be clear, arrange to speak to them at a time that is convenient for them. Don’t call them out of the blue. Check on their availability and find a relaxed moment for you both to chat.
WEAR SOMETHING NICE TO ASK YOUR PARTNER’S PARENTS FOR THEIR BLESSING, EVEN IF YOU’RE JUST TALKING ON THE PHONE
Alright, let’s talk about your attire for the conversation.
Asking your partner’s parents for their blessing to get married is a very adult conversation. And, you need to present yourself as an adult during it. Think about it this way. If you show up in ripped jeans, a dirty shirt, and a nasty old hat, asking some guy if you can marry his daughter, do you think he’s going to take you as seriously as if you showed up looking a bit more professional? Probably not.
The point here is to look like you mean business. That you’re taking this seriously. Clean up ahead of time. Do a once over on your clothes. You don’t need to wear a suit and tie, but at least wear your Sunday best, so to speak.
LEAD WITH WHAT YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR PARTNER AND THEIR FAMILY, AND THEN GET TO THE MEAT OF THE CONVERSATION
Alright, the actual conversation.
Before you start with any big requests, lead with what you love about your partner and their family in general. You may want to write a few things down ahead of time. If you’re struggling with what to say about the family, just talk about your partner. Talk about how much fun you have together, the dreams that you both have, and how you plan on being with them forever.
If you have a vision for a proposal, share it. You don’t have to make things complicated, or start rambling. Just tell your partner’s parents what you love, and how you’d like to propose. Then pause and see what they respond with.
TELL YOUR PARTNER’S PARENTS WHAT THEIR BLESSING WILL MEAN TO YOU
Once you give your partner’s parents a chance to respond, and you’re not sure if you have their blessing, go in for the request.
Tell them how much their blessing will mean to you and your partner. That you really want them onboard with accepting you into their family and that you’ll be a great partner, to your partner. If they give you feedback, or make you sweat a little, don’t freak out. You’re just conversing. Most of the time the blessing will follow quickly.
BE PREPARED BEFORE YOU ASK YOUR PARTNER’S PARENTS FOR THEIR BLESSING TO ANSWER QUESTIONS ABOUT THE FUTURE
Chances are, before you get a confirmation that your partner’s parents are on board with you proposing and getting married, they may have questions.
Be prepared for those questions.
The questions may range. They could be about where you and your partner will live. How you will provide for your family. The questions may be nuanced where they bring up past situations and ask how you learned or grew from them. Your partner’s parents are just trying to vet out how seriously you and your partner will take your marriage. Because, marriage is a big deal. It’s meant for adults who are committed to it. Show your partner’s parents that you are that adult, and you’re committed.
SET ASIDE HURT FEELINGS FROM THE PAST
In some cases, there may be history between you and your partner’s parents. It could be times where you and your partner broke up in the past. Or, maybe you didn’t act quite right at an event. Or, maybe they didn’t. Maybe your partner’s parents weren’t the best parents to your partner. Lots of hurt feelings can arise during these conversations.
During this conversation, your partner’s parents may bring those times up, or hurt feelings may provide an undertone to this experience. Do your best to put them to the side. The most adult thing to do, in most cases, is to show the other person respect by coming to them before you pop the question. The past is the past, and all you can do is learn and grow from it. So, if there was bad behavior on either side, it’s time to move past it, at least for now.
IF THEY DON’T GIVE THEIR BLESSING, BE RESPECTFUL
In almost all cases, if you ask your partner’s parents for their blessing to get married, you will receive it by the end of the conversation.
However, this is not always the case.
It may be that they think you should grow up or mature a bit more. Or, they think you and your partner need more time to think about marriage before jumping in. If you do not receive their blessing, find out what can be done so you will receive it in the future. Ask them what needs to change in order for them to give it to you.
And, of course, remember, you are an adult. It’s okay to respectfully tell them what you intend to do, regardless of their blessing. You may still propose, or give it more time, or make some changes. It’s okay to let them know and then move forward with your adult decision. Just don’t be immature or cruel when you do it.
BRING THE RING, IF YOU ALREADY HAVE IT
As a last tip, be sure to bring the ring, if you have it already.
Bringing the ring shows that you’re serious about your plan. That you’ve put thought into it, and some money. It will help your case, if you’re trying to prove that they should take this conversation seriously. And, of course, they may just want to see it. I mean, who doesn’t want to see a pretty ring?
THOUGHTS ON ASKING YOUR PARTNER’S PARENTS FOR THEIR BLESSING TO GET MARRIED
Friends, I wish you the best of luck if you’re planning to ask your partner’s parents for their blessing to get married. This is a huge step in your relationship, and should be taken seriously as you move forward towards engagement. Chances are the conversation will be cheerful, and impactful, but if not, you’ve got the tips here to keep moving. Happy engagement planning!
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