How To Be A New Mom and In A Wedding

Are you a new mom and in a wedding? Need a strategy so you can juggle both roles? This is the post for you!

Being a new mom, or a new parent in general, is really hard. Those newborn months can be brutal when it comes to your recovery, sleep, and sanity. And, even if you adopt an older child, an adjustment still has to happen. Becoming a mom, or adding a new person to your life who depends on you, is a massive change. When it corresponds to your involvement in a wedding, life can get really hectic, really fast.

The good news is that this is a season in your life. It will not last forever. Just as with any season, there are things that you will enjoy, and things you will be relieved to not experience again. The key with this season, where you are adjusting to taking care of someone and also showing up to be in a wedding, is to embrace the beautiful parts and move past the rest. It’s also about communicating what you need, setting boundaries, and being prepared. More on all that below.

This post is going to go over how to be a new mom and in a wedding. While the advice is mostly tailored to moms who have just given birth, much of the advice can also be useful to other types of parents, or those who adopt. Whether you were asked to officiate a wedding, be a bridesmaid, a groomsman, a speaker, or are even the one getting married yourself, this post has some tips you can use.

Let’s get into it!

IF POSSIBLE, DO AS MUCH AS YOU CAN BEFORE THE BABY OR CHILD ARRIVES

Number one tip for new parents right here. Do as much as you can before the baby or child arrives.

What does this look like, exactly? Well, if you are about to be a new mom, and in a wedding, it’s time to get any projects out of the way. This is true for projects that are wedding-related, or baby-related. Additionally, see if any pre-wedding events can take place before you become a parent. This includes bridal showers, bachelorette parties, joining the bride for dress appointments, or anything that involves travel.

Be sure to make a list early on with items you need to take care of for the wedding, yourself, and the baby, and don’t sleep on it. The more you can get accomplished before you become a parent, the easier it will be to be a new mom and in a wedding.

DON’T PLAN ON DOING MUCH FOR THE FIRST FEW MONTHS AFTER YOU HAVE THE BABY

If you can help it, keep your schedule really, really light for the first few months after having a baby.

Of course, in some cases, if you are a new mom and in a wedding, the timing just doesn’t work out. You may have to be in the wedding while your baby is just a few weeks old. If this is your situation, you will make it work. It will be hard, but you’ll be okay.

If the timing allows, make sure you give yourself some space while your baby is young. Not only will your baby require round the clock care, leaving you quite tired, but you’ll need some recovery time if you gave birth. Be okay with saying no to pre-wedding events, or putting your involvement on a temporary pause during this time. You and your baby come first, not the wedding.

BUY A DRESS THAT HAS SOME FLEXIBILITY

Okay, let’s talk about what you’re wearing to the wedding.

Now, if you aren’t giving birth, because either your partner had the baby or you adopted, what you wear is easier. You do what works for you. However, if you recently gave birth, or are still pregnant, clothing can become an issue. Your body will go through some rapid changes in a short period of time and it can be hard to determine your size. Plus, for some, feeling comfortable in their own skin can be problematic. The key is to buy a dress (or outfit) that has some flexibility.

This means that the dress has give to it. It’s stretchy. It’s forgiving. The dress should be kind of flowy, loose, with the ability to be taken in or out as needed. Undergarments that “hold you in” or pashminas can help with the look, too, if you need some extra support. If you end up having real issues with the dress, talk to the bride about options. There’s always a solution.

BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR NEEDS WITH THOSE AROUND YOU

While we are on the topic of dresses, and speaking up about them working or not working, let’s talk about your needs in general.

Becoming a new mom can be rough. As mentioned before, you’ll likely be tired. Distracted. Ignoring your own needs. Perhaps you are forgetful, or trying to adjust to your new schedule or way of life. If you are breastfeeding, it means that you’ll either need to be around your baby or pumping, if away.

In cases where you are in a wedding, and the bride has never had a baby, you may have to do a little education for those around you. The bride may not understand why you can’t leave your breastfeeding newborn for her bachelorette weekend. Or, she may get frustrated because you’re not as responsive to texts as you used to be. Just speak up. Share what it’s like. You should come to an understanding really quickly.

MAKE SURE THE BABY CAN COME TO THE WEDDING

Okay, this can be a big one. Babies at weddings.

I’ll be honest. I did not want babies at my wedding. They cry. They make things about them. I mean, they are babies. That’s part of the territory. I did have one friend with a newborn who was invited to my wedding, and I was honest about not wanting her infant at the ceremony. We were okay with the baby at the rest of the wedding, but the ceremony was just too sacred to us. As a result, she came for cocktail hour with the baby and then left.

Here’s the thing. Every wedding is different. Some are baby-friendly. Some are not. Talk to the couple getting married about the type of wedding they will have. See if the baby can come. If not, you may have to make a hard decision about if you can come. We all get to do what works best for us in these situations.

BRING BACK-UP TO THE WEDDING TO HELP WITH THE BABY

Okay, let’s assume you can bring your baby to the wedding. Please, if at all possible, bring someone else along who can help take care of the baby.

Here’s the thing. Yes, babies sleep. And they are fun to hold and cuddle. But they also cry. Poop. Need to be fed. Spit up. All of the things. If you are in a wedding, in a nice dress, getting ready with the bride and your friends, listening to music with makeup, shoes, and clothing strewn about, taking care of an infant in the mix may not, well, mix.

So, bring a back up caretaker. Someone who knows how to take care of the baby, who you trust. Maybe it’s your partner. Or your mom. Or just a really good friend. Keep the baby close, but also separate.

TAKE BREAKS AT THE WEDDING

Assuming you’re able to bring your baby to the wedding, plan on taking breaks.

What does this look like exactly? Well, probably breaks to meet the baby’s needs. Not all babies want to be around noise and chaos. Sometimes they need to be walked around or taken outside to calm down. If you’re breastfeeding, you may want to go somewhere private depending on how comfortable you are with it. And, of course, you’ll need breaks to change diapers or clean up any spit up.

The point is, plan on taking some breaks at the wedding. You may end up missing some things. That’s just part of parenthood, though. Getting used to missing out on things and being distracted is a part of the territory.

TAKE LOTS OF PHOTOS WITH THE BABY THERE

Last tip! If you’re a new mom and in a wedding, and your baby is at the wedding, take lots of photos.

Why do I suggest this? Because it’s a momentous occasion. It’s likely baby’s first wedding, for starters. Plus, your baby may be wearing something really cute for the wedding (side note, bring a few back-up cute outfits for your baby. Trust me on this). You, and your partner, are going to be dressed up, too. It’s the perfect opportunity for some family snapshots that will showcase you all dressed up, feeling fancy, and also getting used to your new norm. Enjoy it!

Fun fact – when I was one month old, I went to my grandma’s wedding with my parents. I looked really cute, and so did my parents. However, there are no pictures of the three of us at the wedding. Oh, the eighties.

THOUGHTS ON BEING A NEW MOM AND IN A WEDDING

Friends, it’s not easy being a new mom and in a wedding. Being a new mom is very busy, and being in a wedding is very busy. Remember, this is just a season in your life. And, both situations are very special. Try and speak up about what you need, ask for help, and enjoy the moments as best you can. You’ve got this! Happy wedding planning!

More On Being In A Wedding From Hummingbird Wedding Advice

How To Be A Bridesmaid and a Bride At The Same Time

Why Being A Bridesmaid Is Such An Honor

What Makes The Best Maid Of Honor Speeches?

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