Creating a wedding guest list can be super overwhelming in the best of times.
When it comes to your wedding, every couple is different. Some people are excited to throw a big party. Others have large families who will expect to be at their wedding. Some couples have concerns about money and understand that the bigger the wedding, the bigger the budget needs to be. There are other situations where couples really want a small wedding, for a variety of reasons.
No matter what your situation is, getting together a tentative vision for your guest list is one of the first things you need to do in order to properly plan your wedding. Without knowing how many people you will invite, you have no real idea what your budget should be, or where your wedding can be hosted. Without those two things, you can’t set a date. And the list goes on and on. It all comes back to the guest list.
How To Create A Wedding Guest List
This post is going to help you create your wedding guest list by following methodical and analytical steps. It’s not magic. It’s not sexy. But it is practical and effective. By working with your partner, and any other stakeholders for your wedding, and really thinking about what’s the best for your situation, you can form a great guest list that will help you propel the rest of your wedding planning forward.
1. Get On The Same Page With Your Partner
Before you have a comprehensive guest list, you’ll need to collaborate with your partner.
No matter who you are, and how uninvolved you are with your own wedding, you will have opinions about who is there. Or not there, if that’s the case. So, when the timing is right, start working with your future spouse to create the invite list.
I suggest that you start with your inner circle of close family and work your way out.
Here’s how that looks:
- Who is 100% essential to be there?
- Will you include your closest family members?
- Who are your best friends?
- Is there anyone else from your family you should invite?
- What other friends do you have?
- Are there any coworkers who you’d like to include?
- Do your families have anyone they may want to include?
- Is there anyone else left?
Starting at the top of this list and working your way down should help you figure out who should be invited. If you get stuck, go through your phones. Or your social media. It might help to already look at a list of names to make sure you haven’t missed anyone. Also, think about how each of these guests may hurt or help your wedding day experience. It will help you make additions or cuts right at the start.
2. Set Your Wedding Guest List Guidelines
There may have been some preliminary guideline conversations set with your partner during the first step, but let’s make sure you’ve got your bases covered with this second step.
When it comes to wedding guests, there are a lot of factors. For example, you may know that your brother is definitely invited, but will his new girlfriend be included? Can your best friend bring her three kids? Are you okay with your parents inviting their four closest friends? Since this is your wedding, and you will be the center of attention, what are you comfortable with?
As you can see, there can be a lot of nuances to inviting guests. So, before you start asking other people’s input on your wedding guest list, get on the same page with your partner by coming to an agreement about these items:
- Does anyone get to bring a plus one?
- Will any kids be invited?
- Who else can invite people to our wedding?
- Is there a maximum number of people that we want to invite to our wedding?
3. Compare Your Wedding Guest List To Your Vision and Budget
This is a step that some people may believe should go first, but I like it right here.
Once you have a tentative list of people to invite, you’ll have a more clear understanding of how big a venue you’ll need for everyone. This makes it the best time to visualize your wedding with these guests. Converse with your partner about the types of venues that will accommodate a wedding of your proposed size. For example, you may want to invite 150 people but your partner’s dream venue only holds 50. Or, you both agree to have a small wedding of 20 people, which rules out any large or grand venues.
Not only should you determine if your wedding guest list matches your vision for your wedding, but now is the time to talk about if it matches your budget. Yes, you can have a rather large wedding on a tight budget, but that may not be what you want to do.
So, look at the numbers of guests, and a proposed amount that you could budget for your wedding, and decide if you should make some cuts now, before you really get into it.
Here are the questions to ask yourselves at this step:
- Can we afford to host a wedding with our current guest list?
- Will we be able to spend quality time with each guest, if our wedding guest list stays the same? Is that something that is important to us?
- Should we make any cuts at this step?
- Is there room in the budget for more people to be invited?
4. Review The Wedding Guest List With Your Families
Okay, so now that you and your partner are on the same page for your vision, budget, and guest list, it’s time to check with your families.
Now, I understand that every family is different. You may not feel the need to check with your family. Heck, your family may not even be on your guest list. That’s all okay if that’s the case. However, if you are close with your family, and they are going to contribute to the wedding in any way, it would be appropriate to see if there are any people that they may want to invite.
When you have this conversation it’s important to set the expectations early on. For example, start with telling your family about your vision. Do you want it to be intimate? Are you going to go all in with a large crowd? Will you be trying to save money, or are you not that concerned with that aspect? When you let your family know what you want up front, it will help them decide if certain people should be included. It will also help them understand why certain people will not be invited.
5. Revisit Your Guidelines, Vision, and Budget
Once you’ve vetted your guest list with your family, it’s time to go back to step two and three.
Are you comfortable with this guest list? Does it seem like these people will be the ones to enhance your wedding the most? Can you afford to host a wedding of this size? Are you comfortable with this amount of people making you the center of attention all day? If the answer is yes to each of these things, you should have a pretty comprehensive and usable guest list.
Keep in mind that it’s very rare to have every single invitee show up to your wedding. In fact, you can expect at least 25% of the people you invite to not come to your wedding. Factors such as having small children, traveling, or health issues can impact the ability of others to RSVP “yes”. So, it’s okay to have a little more on your guest list than you’re comfortable with, but there is always a small risk that everyone will show up.
If you’re concerned about inviting too many people, and want to stagger your invites, check out this post. It’s all about having a “A List” and “B List” for your guest invites. If you opt to have two lists, essentially you determine who you would invite in the first round, and when you start getting declines, you send out invites for the second group.
6. Start Using Your Wedding Guest List As A Guidepost For The Rest Of Your Wedding Planning
As I mentioned at the start of this post, your guest list will be the driving factor for all your major wedding planning decisions.
Once you have a guest list you’re confident in, you can get started with the rest of your wedding planning. Do your research for budgeting, find a venue that will accommodate your crowd, and set the date. Work your way down from there for your wedding outfits, food, photographer, etc. If you need help determining what to do and when, this is a great post about planning your wedding over the course of one year. Even if you are planning with less than one year, the order of planning doesn’t change. It just condenses.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Creating and curating a wedding guest list is a task that can be daunting, but it can also be methodical. Keep in mind that you can create your guest list and change it many, many times over the course of your engagement. The first or second draft doesn’t have to be the final version. It will help you determine what other requirements you need, though, and that’s the most important part.
More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice:
How To Save Money On Your Wedding (Without Cutting Guests)
14 Rules Wedding Guests Should Follow
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