If you’re dealing with family drama around your wedding, you’re not alone. Nearly everyone will have some sort of drama to deal with when they are engaged.
It might be drama with the actual wedding itself. Perhaps someone else wants control over planning your wedding. Or, it could be drama you’re directly involved in. Maybe a fight between you and a family member that is impacting their involvement or even invitation to your wedding. Or, it could be family drama that is between other people, and you’re in the middle.
No matter the situation, family drama around your wedding can certain add to the stress of wedding planning. And, it’s already a stressful time. The great news is that you’re an adult. And, this is your wedding. Which means that you do have some control over how you respond to the drama. Informed choices and appropriate actions can help keep the family drama around your wedding from impacting your engagement experience, if you’re intentional about it.
How To Deal With Family Drama Around Your Wedding
This post is going to give you tips with how to deal with family drama around your wedding. And, hopefully, it gives you a little bit of validation, too. It’s easy to assume that your family is the only one dealing with drama, when you’re in the thick of it. I promise you, that’s not the case. In fact, most families will have drama to deal with at some point. Almost no family gets away from it entirely. And, if they do, they should be studied.
Let’s get into it!
TRY TO STAY OUT OF IT AND AVOID BEING THE MIDDLE PERSON
Let’s assume that the family drama around your wedding is between people other than you, but you are stuck in the middle.
The first line of defense here is to try and stay out of it. Avoid taking sides. Ask the people involved in the drama not to talk to you about it, or don’t have much to say back to them if they do. Being in the middle of drama is almost worse than being the source of the drama. It puts you in a position where both people could turn on you. And, it’s added stress for you to deal with on top of wedding planning. So, if you can, take yourself out of the equation altogether.
TALK TO THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE CONTROL OVER THE FAMILY DRAMA
If you are in the middle of drama, and not totally able to exit it, try talking to the sources.
This may mean an uncomfortable conversation, but it will be worth it. Be sure to start your statements with “I”, instead of “you”. Something as simple as saying “I’m feeling very overwhelmed with wedding planning and the drama surrounding me is making it worse” can be a great start. Basically, you want to make your boundaries regarding your involvement clear. This way you can set the tone for what you want to deal with, and not deal with, so you can focus on your needs.
MAKE SOMEONE ELSE BE YOUR BUFFER
Sometimes we all need help when it comes to dealing with family drama around our wedding. If you’re able to, recruit a buffer.
This is particularly helpful during pre-wedding events, when both parties may be present. Whether you and another person have drama, or the drama is between other people, the tension may impact your bridal shower, engagement party, bachelorette, rehearsal dinner, and even wedding day. See if you can recruit another friend or family member to stay in touch with the tone and be a buffer if needed. This may mean that they pull you away when they see someone trying to corner you. Or, they interrupt a conversation that is headed to an annoying direction.
FIND WAYS TO BE AT PEACE IN THE MIDST OF THE FAMILY DRAMA
Let’s channel our inner Zen, shall we?
Sometimes it may help to deal with family drama, if you get existential with it. Meaning, you simply observe it, without letting it get under your skin. To get to this place you may want to practice meditation or breath techniques. It’s not easy, but sometimes just noticing the discomfort within a situation and letting it go right away can be an effective way to move forward.
GO TO FAMILY THERAPY
Pretty much the opposite of removing yourself, or being at peace with the family drama around your wedding, would be to go to family therapy.
These days, therapy is readily available just about anywhere. It’s so easy to go online and find a therapist who can talk to you right over your computer or phone. In some cases, you may need to be at the same location as your family, but the therapist doesn’t have to be. And, therapy can be helpful. Not only can it help you see other’s perspectives, but you can learn techniques to deal with the drama so it’s not as stressful. Just a thought on one way to deal with it.
SEPARATE THOSE WHO ARE DRAMATIC FROM EACH OTHER
Let’s talk a little bit about separation, and how to go about it the right way.
The most obvious separation technique when it comes to wedding planning is to not sit the family members who are feuding at the same table. In fact, the farther away, the better. However, there are other ways to separate them. For example, you could have two bridal showers. One could come to the tastings with you, while one goes dress shopping. Keeping them apart may help you avoid the drama from being right in your face.
SET EXPECTATIONS FOR BEHAVIOR AT YOUR WEDDING WITH THOSE INVOLVED IN THE FAMILY DRAMA
This tip applies to both the situations where the drama is not involving you directly, or the drama is between you and another person.
When it comes to your wedding, you have the right to set expectations regarding other’s behavior. This may be based on their past behavior, or just fears you have about their future behavior. It’s okay to tell the people involved in the drama what you will and will not accept at your wedding, and pre-wedding events. And, you can tell them what the consequences may be should they violate those expectations.
No, this type of conversation is not easy. However, it is impactful, and it helps mitigate very real risks of drama hurting your wedding day experience. Which, in my mind, is worth it.
THOUGHTS ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH FAMILY DRAMA AROUND YOUR WEDDING
Friends, family drama around your wedding is never fun. In general, family drama is not fun, but when it negatively impacts such an important and joyful time in your life, it really isn’t fun. Remember, you have control over what you choose to participate in. And, you have the right to set boundaries and expectations that others can respect. You will get through this, and you will have an amazing wedding day no matter what. Happy wedding planning!
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