How To Handle Unsolicited Wedding Advice With Grace

When you are engaged, unsolicited wedding advice will surely come your way. How you react is the real test.

Here’s the thing. Those giving the advice are well meaning. I know that for me, personally, I’m an advice giver. I just am. The advice comes from a good place, one where I want to help others. However, not everyone wants advice. Sometimes people just want to be listened to, validated, or avoid certain subjects altogether. Because unsolicited wedding advice rarely comes with malintent, handling it with grace is the right way to go.

Before you react to unsolicited wedding advice, you might want to ask yourself a few things. The first is why this advice is finding it’s way to you. Maybe the giver doesn’t have the whole story, or is just talking. Second, ask yourself if the giver knows what they are talking about. If they do, you may want to consider what they are saying. Third, are you in a place to receive this advice? If not, you may want to speak up about your needs. Doing a little self-reflection is the first step to deal with unsolicited wedding advice.

How To Handle Unsolicited Wedding Advice With Grace

This post is going to share how to handle unsolicited wedding advice with grace. The thing is, for some, it’s easy to not handle unsolicited wedding advice with grace. It’s easier to shut others down, and make them feel like they shouldn’t have said anything at all. Things can get weird, or even awkward, if your reaction isn’t the most mature or thought through. No one wants that. So, pick and choose what works best for you. What makes the most sense for each advice giver. And then keep doing what you’re doing.

Let’s get into it!

JUST SMILE AND THANK THE PERSON FOR THE UNSOLICITED WEDDING ADVICE

The easiest way to handle unsolicited wedding advice is to just act like you’re accepting it.

Think of it this way. Chances are that the advice giver is just trying to help. Or maybe they have something to say that they want you to consider. So, even if the advice is something that you would never, ever follow through with, be gracious and tell them “thank you, I’ll consider that”. There’s no commitment there. Considering is not doing. It’s not making a decision. It’s just thinking about the advice. And, in most cases, it’s enough to shut the advice down and make the giver feel heard.

TAKE THE ADVICE AND THEN IGNORE IT

Sometimes, even when you graciously offer to consider unsolicited wedding advice, the giver wants to really hone in your commitment to it.

Depending on your relationship with the giver, you can hear them out and then move on with your life, without the pleasantries of the last tip. This means that maybe you aren’t smiling and nodding while unsolicited wedding advice is thrown you way. Maybe you’re just listening, act like you will do what they suggest, and then don’t.

REDIRECT THE CONVERSATION

A little conversation redirection can go a long way.

What does this mean, exactly? Well, in the most basic sense, you’re changing the subject. The advice giver may be going on and on about how you should choose a certain path for your wedding, and you’re just not into it. Maybe the advice is actually good, but maybe you’re not in the mood. So, change the subject. Redirect the conversation to something else that interests the giver, and move on with another conversation.  

LISTEN AND THEN LET THE GIVER KNOW YOU’LL BE DOING SOMETHING ELSE

Let’s say that you’ve listened to the unsolicited wedding advice, and you’ve tried to talk about something else, and it’s just not happening.

In some cases, the advice giver may want you to commit to what they are suggesting. They might want an affirmation that you will follow through with what they are saying. You have a few choices here on your reaction. One is to listen to them and affirm that you will be doing something else, if you know for sure their advice will not work for you.

What does this sound like, exactly? Well, a simple “I appreciate your idea but I’ll be doing something else instead” should suffice. Hopefully after you’re clear with your words they drop the advice altogether.

AVOID PEOPLE WHO GIVE YOU ANNOYING UNSOLICITED WEDDING ADVICE

One option you have, to gracefully deal with unsolicited wedding advice, is to avoid those who tend to give it.

Now, of course, this is an extreme option. No one wants to be avoided. And, if you avoid someone too much, it’s not graceful at all. It’s dramatic and just not cool. However, you are welcome to limit your interactions for a period of time. When you’re planning a wedding, things tend to get pretty busy anyway, so it’s the perfect alibi for why you’ve been too busy to get together, too.

BE ASSURED OF YOUR CHOICES

One defense for unsolicited wedding advice that you just aren’t going to take is to be very firm and assured of your choices.

Sometimes people like to give advice to those who don’t seem sure of themselves. The advice giver wants to encourage and help, if needed. If you tell the giver something like “yes, I hear you and I’m choosing to do this my own way,” they can’t really argue with that. You’ve acknowledged that you heard what they have to say, and that you’re confident in what you’re going to choose to do.

ASK FOR ADVICE (ABOUT SOME STUFF)

Is this a sort of bait and switch move? Yes, it is, and it’s super graceful when done correctly.

Sometimes unsolicited wedding advice comes from a person who just wants you to take their advice about something. Maybe it starts off that they give you advice about something that you’re already sure about, but maybe you need advice about another part of your wedding. Be prepared to bring up the separate aspect when you’re over hearing about the first. It looks something like “yes, we’re already confident our guest list is set but I’d love to hear your thoughts on if we should choose cupcakes or cake.”

And there you go.

LISTEN TO THE ADVICE YOU’RE GIVEN, GIVE IT CONSIDERATION

At the start of this post I suggested that you think about the person giving you advice. In some cases, you may be pushing back on hearing it because you like to push back on this person in general.

Instead, try to lean into the advice. Listen to it. Think about it. Consider the possibility that you may even take it. It is possible that you may surprise yourself, and actually take the advice. Sometimes taking your own time to consider what’s right for you, and really think about it, is all it takes for to put our egos aside and do what makes the most sense for the situation.

ASK THE PERSON TO STOP GIVING YOU UNSOLICITED WEDDING ADVICE

If you’ve exhausted all gracious ways to deal with unsolicited wedding advice, it’s time to be clear about what you’re willing to listen to.

It’s time to tell the giver to just stop.

This does not have to be aggressive. It can be very clear, actually. Something like “I’ve been given a lot of unsolicited advice lately. When you give me advice I feel like my way is not okay with you. Instead, could you just listen to how we’re going to plan our wedding?”, will probably suffice. If the person really doesn’t respect your wishes after that, it’s time to either put up with the comments or put some distance between the two of you.

THOUGHTS ON HOW TO HANDLE UNSOLICITED WEDDING ADVICE

Friends, dealing with unsolicited wedding advice isn’t always fun. Yes, sometimes the advice can be good, but it does get old. Remember that the giver probably has good intentions and they are just trying to help. And, you have options. You can consider the advice, pretend to consider it, change the subject, ask for advice on something else, or be clear about not wanting the advice. You’re in control of your own reactions here, and you’ve got this! Happy wedding planning!

More On Awkward Conversations From Hummingbird Wedding Advice 

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