How To Have a Private Vows Ceremony with Your Fiancé

Thinking about having a private vows ceremony? One that is just you, your fiancé, and a few extra people (maybe)? This is the post for you!

While big wedding ceremonies, where you say your vows in front of all your loved ones, are amazing, they are not for everyone. For some couples, there is much more appeal with having a private vows ceremony, where the guest list is minimal or non-existent. And, there are a ton of reasons for this. Perhaps the couple isn’t that close with their families. Or, maybe they have too many people they’d have to invite if they had a bigger wedding. It could be that they just want to keep things intimate, or want to save money.

Really, any reason for wanting a private vows ceremony with your fiancé is okay. Yes, of course, you may ruffle some feathers from family or friends who think they deserve to be there. However, you can always have a party to celebrate with them. More on that later.

How To Have a Private Vows Ceremony with Your Fiancé

This post is going to give you tips on how to have a private vows ceremony with your fiancé. It will go over logistics, planning, and managing other people’s expectations of you. Every section of this post is advice I am giving all couples who want private vows ceremonies. They aren’t necessarily “pick and choose” what works for you. Just a heads up on that.

Let’s get into it!

CHOOSE A LOCATION FOR YOUR PRIVATE VOWS THAT IS MEANINGFUL TO YOU

When people ask what to take care of first when they start planning their wedding, I usually tell them to start with guest list, then budget, followed by venue and date.

If you are having a private vows ceremony, the first two steps are going to be really minimal, but the third is very important. Venue. Or, in other words, location.

The beauty of a private vows ceremony is that with less guests comes more freedom. Your fiancé and you can choose to get married just about anywhere. And, chances are, you don’t need a permit, or can get away from one in most places because you’re not really having an event. Less people means you get to choose a location to get married that is meaningful to you and your partner, with little to no stress about it.

So, brainstorm a location with your partner. Where would you like to go? Where have you been? What stands out as “the spot” for you? Once you pinpoint the location, do a little research on how to make it work for your private vows ceremony.

INVITE PEOPLE WHO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE THERE

The term “private” can be quite vague.

Private, to some, may mean that there is literally no one around. For others, a small group may be there. To others, private may mean that no one is near but there’s a video camera and a live stream going on.

As you can see, “private” varies.

For your private vows ceremony, decide what private means to you and your partner. And then invite people, who you love and really want there accordingly. There is no judgement. It is what it is.

HAVE AN OFFICIANT IF THIS IS YOUR WEDDING CEREMONY

When it comes to private vows ceremonies, some engaged couples have them as their actual weddings while others exchange vows and see it as a more spiritual event.

If your private vows ceremony is going to be your wedding, you likely need an officiant there. One who can legally marry you. 

Now, of course, depending on your location, this requirement may vary. There are some states in the US where couples can actually marry themselves. Weird, I know, but still legal. The point is that you need to determine what is required where you are, and then make sure the right legalities happen.

DON’T HIDE THAT YOU’RE DOING PRIVATE VOWS

Some people don’t want to share that they are going to do private vows. I think this is a mistake.

Here’s the thing. Some engaged couples don’t want to share with their friends and family that they are going to do private vows because they don’t want anyone to feel excluded. They don’t want the guilt trips, and they don’t want to be persuaded to do things otherwise. And look, all of that static is annoying. But still, it’s not a good reason to keep a secret.

You’re about to be married. That is an adult thing to do. And your friends and family who may guilt you? They aren’t going to be in your marriage. They don’t get a vote on how you start your marriage, either. So just be honest. Don’t keep secrets. Be clear, convicted, and kind when you share with them.

HOST AN ALTERNATIVE EVENT FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO CELEBRATE WITH YOU

Alright, the fun stuff. The kind of stuff that will make your friends and family feel a little better about not being able to join your private vows ceremony.

The alternative event.

I was recently talking to a friend about this. She and her husband got married while on vacation, with no one there but their officiant and themselves. Later, they planned epic parties for their friends and family to join. They even had two parties, as they are both from different locations. And, at the parties, they got “married” again. She said the parties were amazing, and she would do the whole thing the same way, again, in a heartbeat.

So do that. Have an event in mind to celebrate with those who are not going to be there when you do your private vows. Small, big, expensive, or cheap, do what works for you and your people.

DRESS UP, THIS IS A SPECIAL OCCASION

Girl, we need to talk about your outfit.

I personally think it’s important to dress the part when you get married. This means that you wear what you’d like, but you make it wedding-y. It can be a gown. It can be a suit. Honestly, you could wear sweat pants and a veil. Okay, maybe not that last combo. But dress up. This is your wedding, it’s special, and the memories should not be of you in a stained sweatshirt and ripped jeans. There, I said it.

BRING A PHOTOGRAPHER TO YOUR PRIVATE VOWS

If you’ve checked out at least a few of my blog posts about small weddings, intimate weddings, or weddings that are low budget, you will find a running tip that I always give.

You should have a photographer, regardless of the size of your wedding.

Yes, chances are that you want your private vows ceremony to be private. And, that’s totally cool. However, a photographer does not have to be intrusive. You can hire someone to stay in the background, and not ask for a single posed photo of you and your fiancé. They can just be, and capture what will be an incredibly special moment in your world.

The photographer doesn’t even have to be a professional. Ask a friend who knows what they are doing to take photos. I’m sure they would be honored. I promise you will have regrets if there are no photos. There, I said it. Again.

HOLD FLOWERS, HAVE RINGS, AND DON’T DISMISS A UNITY CEREMONY IF YOU WANT ALL OF IT

Along the lines of having a photographer, and dressing the part, let’s talk about the “normal” wedding things that you may feel you should skip if you are having a private vows ceremony.

Things like flowers, rings, and even a unity ceremony element.

Look, you don’t have to skip any of it. In fact, do what works best for you. If you want to hold an amazingly large bouquet, do it. Exchange rings. Even have your dog be your ring bearer, if it makes sense. Make your ceremony as special as can be with a unity ceremony (which, if you want more information that, check out this post).

The point is that you can do as much or as little wedding-y stuff as you want. Don’t skip something just because your wedding ceremony will be small.

HAVE A PLAN FOR AFTER THE PRIVATE VOWS

Okay, so you have the perfect private vows ceremony. You’re excited. It went amazing. You feel totally connected to your partner, and are riding an amazing high.

Now what?

I’m serious. No one wants to experience something so special and then look around and wonder what to do next. It’s awkward, even if it’s just the two of you there. So, have a plan. Maybe you go back home and get into comfy clothes, ready to eat take-out pizza and binge watch Yellowstone. Or, maybe you head off to a honeymoon, still in your wedding clothes. Perhaps you have dinner reservations. You can do whatever you want, big or small, just know your next steps.

ENJOY AND FEEL NO GUILT

Alright, last tip. If you are having a private vows ceremony, enjoy yourselves and feel no guilt.

And, to be clear, the guilt will likely come from someone who wishes they could have been there. Keep in mind that this experience is not about them. It’s about your relationship, your marriage, and how you envisioned starting things off with your partner. As mentioned above, you can celebrate with other loved ones in different ways. The vows are for you, in whatever way you want.

So own it. Enjoy it. Let go of any anxiety or negative feelings. Forgive yourself, or others, if needed. Sit with your vision and embrace it before you even leave for the ceremony. It’s going to be amazing.

THOUGHTS ON HAVING A PRIVATE VOWS CEREMONY WITH YOUR FIANCE

Friends, if you are planning a private vows ceremony, it will be incredible if you plan it in the right way. Enjoy the moment with your fiancé, and with anyone else you allow to be there. Embrace the process of planning the experience, and don’t let anyone persuade you to deviate from your vision. They can celebrate with you at another time. Happy wedding planning!

More On Wedding Ceremonies From Hummingbird Wedding Advice 

Sweet Ideas For A Non-Denominational Wedding

12 Unity Ceremony Ideas & Customs

Why You Should Have An Unplugged Ceremony

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