No matter who you are, and what your budget is, you’ll have to face making hard choices for your wedding sooner or later.
These hard choices may mean sacrificing something that you really care about. They might be about how much money you spend on your wedding, or who you invite. Or, they are about something that you and your partner disagree on about your wedding. No matter what kind of wedding you are planning, at some point you’ll have to make a choice that causes you to pause and wonder if you’ll regret it later on.
The thing about planning a wedding is that there really is no perfect way to do it. And, most of us have restrictions that we are working with. We have budgets. We may have pandemic restrictions. Or, we have family and partners who want something different than us. The decisions that we make while planning can range from unimportant to very serious. When you’re in the moment, it call feel like a lot.
How To Make Hard Choices For Your Wedding
This post is going to help you make hard choices for your wedding. It will help you look at the decisions you’ll have to make, and give you the confidence to choose a path. This post will help you decipher what’s important, and what is not so important. Hopefully it makes you feel a bit better about your wedding planning experience, and gives you the support you need to move forward.
Here we go!
LOOK AT HARD CHOICES FOR YOUR WEDDING FROM A MORAL PERSPECTIVE
As I mentioned above, there are lots of choices that you’ll have to make for your wedding. Some will be easier to make than others. And some may cause you some stress.
One effective way to help make a hard choice for your wedding is to ask yourself if one decision is more moral than another one. To make it a bit more basic, what’s the right thing to do? This could apply to allowing certain plus ones, splurging on your wedding instead of paying off debt, or having your wedding close to home so older relatives can join it.
When in doubt, go with what feel right.
DETERMINE IF ONE CHOICE HURTS YOUR PARTNER / FRIEND / FAMILY MEMBERS LESS THAN ANOTHER
There are many choices that we make for our weddings that don’t harm, or help, anyone. However, we can make choices that make others feel bad. And when in doubt, those choices should be avoided.
When you are faced with a hard choice, ask yourself if it will impact anyone else negatively. Will it hurt someone else’s feelings if you go one way over another? Will you regret hurting them? If so, choose the choice that will make everyone, collectively, feel the best.
For example, it may hurt your mom’s feelings if you don’t get married in a church. Or, your dream venue is only available on your best friend’s birthday. Ask yourself if choosing what you want, over someone else, is worth it in the long run.
ANALYZE IF A HARD CHOICE FOR YOUR WEDDING IMPACTS SAFETY OR WELLBEING
Some choices can have an impact to safety. And, safety and wellbeing should be your number one priority at an event, always.
For example, we had to decide if we would provide guest transportation at our wedding. Yes, it costs money. However, we had a fully open bar. And, our wedding was in a remote area with limited transportation options. It would not have been safe for guests to drink, and then drive, after our wedding. Rather than risk someone getting hurt after our wedding, we sprung for a shuttle to transport guests. It was a decision that was solely based on safety.
ASK YOURSELF IF A VENDOR IS PUSHING YOU TO CHOOSE SOMETHING THAT DOESN’T WORK FOR YOU
Look, most wedding vendors are amazing people who want you to do what’s best for your wedding. I have lots of respect for everyone in the wedding industry.
However. They are also salespeople.
Not in a bad way. But in a way that may make you feel pressure to do, or pay, for something that you really aren’t excited about. It could be pressure to hire a videographer when you know you’ll never watch the videos. Or, pressure to upgrade your flower package. It could even be pressure to buy a more expensive wedding dress, with matching veil.
If you are facing a hard decision, ask yourself if you’re getting pressured from a vendor. If so, look inward and go with what you actually want.
LOOK AT POSSIBLE COMPROMISES
Sometimes hard choices for your wedding come about because you and another stakeholder have a disagreement about how things should go.
If so, look for a possible compromise, or middle ground.
For example, you may want to get married in the summer. Your fiancé may want to get married in the winter. Perhaps a fall wedding will work best. Or, you don’t want to wear a white wedding dress, but your mother really wants you to. Maybe you wear one for the ceremony, but not the reception.
Often, if you really look at things, there is a compromise that will make everyone happy.
DISCUSS ANY ALTERNATIVES
As with compromises, there may be alternatives to decisions.
This happened with my wedding dress. When I first tried on dresses, I really liked two of them. I looked at photos of myself in both of them over and over, and couldn’t decide which one I wanted. I then thought about the elements of the dresses that I liked, and did further research. With my research, I ended up finding a dress that was similar, but different than the two I originally liked. When I tried the third dress on, I knew I found the one.
If you can’t decide one way or another, consider a new plan.
DECIDE WHICH HARD CHOICE FOR YOUR WEDDING MAKES LIFE EASIER
Life is hard enough without making choices that will make it more difficult.
For example, you may be struggling with having a destination wedding, or one that is closer to home. There are pro’s and con’s to both of these options. Ask yourself which one will be easier for you to do. Which one brings you more “joy” when you think about it? Which one will require more effort, more coordination, more time?
Go with the choice that will be less stress.
ASK YOURSELF IF SOMEONE ELSE CAN MAKE THIS DECISION FOR YOU
When in doubt, delegate a hard choice for your wedding to another person.
Now, this is a technique that I like to use to help others feel more in control, but it also helps with decision fatigue. Sometimes we can narrow choices down to a couple that we are okay with, and then ask another person to choose. For example, you could be debating where to have your bachelorette party. If you can’t decide, ask your maid of honor to make the choice. She likely will be happy to help, and you can go on to think about other things.
FIGURE OUT IF THE DECISION IS BASED ON FINANCES
Sometimes our wallet can help make the hard choice for us.
It’s easy to splurge on a wedding. It’s easy to spend money, even if you don’t like to spend money. However, it’s also easy to save on a wedding if you are intentional about it. If you are facing a choice that you really can’t decide on, consider the costs associated with it. For example, you may be trying to decide on your wedding flowers. You really like a few types, but aren’t sure which ones to go with. Find out the price. Go with what will save you the most money.
LET GO OF DECISIONS THAT ARE OUT OF YOUR CONTROL
It’s easy to get stressed about decisions, even when we can’t control them.
A great example of this is with our guest list. With the pandemic, many weddings found themselves with guests who weren’t sure if they were going to come or not. It can be tempting and absolutely natural to go back and forth in your own mind about certain guests coming to your wedding. However, it’s not really up to you. It’s up to them.
So, when you have no control over a decision, let it go. It will have to be made by someone else.
DISCUSS IF ONE HARD CHOICE FOR YOUR WEDDING WILL BE BETTER FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP
At the end of the day, you’re getting married because you love your partner and want to have a long-lasting relationship with them. When in doubt, go with a hard choice that will be better for your marriage and relationship.
It could be a disagreement about what your partner wants, verses what you want. It could be something that is important to both of you, but you’re on separate spectrums about it. Ask yourself if any discord with your partner is worth it, based on the decision you make over this choice. And, always go with the choice that will be better for your relationship. In the end, you and your partner are what matters, and what will last long after your wedding is long over.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Hard choices are at every corner when you plan a wedding. It can be difficult to make them, but there are some techniques and ways to narrow down what you’ll ultimately end up doing. Take into account the feelings of other important people, go with your gut, and check in with your budget when making difficult decisions. You’ve got this! Happy wedding planning!
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