Are you in a situation where you need to tell someone they aren’t invited to your wedding? It’s definitely a tricky and sensitive subject.
The truth is, there are lots of reasons why you might not be able to invite someone to your wedding. There may be pandemic restrictions where you live. Or, you don’t have a big budget. Perhaps you want a small wedding, or you just don’t feel that close to the person in question. Whatever the reason is, it’s valid, and it’s okay.
When someone isn’t invited to your wedding, but are expecting an invite, and it can make for a very awkward conversation when you have to tell them they aren’t going to get one. In some cases, the conversation really can’t be avoided. Luckily, there are ways to make it less awkward and still preserve your relationship with the other person.
How To Tell Someone They Aren’t Invited To Your Wedding
This post is going to walk you through how to tell someone they aren’t invited to your wedding. Hopefully it helps you feel a bit more empowered to have these conversations. Because, let’s face it. Weddings can be an emotional venture, and we can’t always invite everyone who wants to be there. And, it doesn’t feel good to hurt other people’s feelings.
So, let’s get into it!
MAKE SURE YOUR PARTNER AND FAMILY KNOW AND APPROVE THE GUEST LIST EARLY ON
Before you start telling anyone that they are, or aren’t invited to your wedding, it’s best to make sure the other important decision makers are aware of the guest list.
This is because of a few reasons. First, your partner should have a say in who is invited their wedding. And, in some cases, you may feel compelled to let your family invite a few people, too. Either way, it’s important that anyone who may feel entitled to invite people know who is and isn’t going to be included. This will help prevent any conversations where they tell someone they are invited, when in all actuality they won’t be.
IT’S OKAY NOT TO TELL SOMEONE THEY AREN’T INVITED TO YOUR WEDDING, IF THEY DON’T ASK
One way to tell someone they aren’t invited to your wedding is to just not talk about it at all.
If certain people never ask if they are invited, and you never tell them that they aren’t, chances are that they will eventually figure it out. And, they may never ask you about it in the future. To some, this may seem like you’re avoiding an awkward conversation, but that’s okay. Whether someone realizes they aren’t invited because they didn’t get an invitation, or they find out they weren’t invited to a wedding that already happened, they will have to move on.
IT’S ALSO OKAY TO TELL SOMEONE THEY AREN’T INVITED TO YOUR WEDDING, ESPECIALLY IF YOU WANT TO PRESERVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
In some situations, you may feel that you owe someone a conversation ahead of time if they aren’t invited to your wedding.
It could be that this person is a close friend of yours. Or, a coworker who you see and talk to all the time. Whoever they are, if they are expecting an invite, you may want to let them know gently why they aren’t going to receive one. During this conversation, just tell them the reasons why they aren’t invited to your wedding, and let them ask questions.
If you respect your relationship with this person, have the conversation and get it over with, so you can move on. In most cases, a close friend or family will appreciate hearing the news right from you or your partner.
IF YOU DO HAVE THE CONVERSATION, TELL THEM WITH KINDNESS
If you find yourself in a situation where you are talking to another person about them not being invited to your wedding, just try to be kind during it.
The other person may feel hurt by not being included. Or, they could be downright upset. In this situation, just try to remain calm and compassionate towards them. Over time, they will calm down. Attempt to be understanding about why they are upset, and put yourself in their shoes. It’s okay to address that this is an awkward and uncomfortable position that you are both in, but at least you’re able to have the conversation.
IF YOU’RE FEELING REALLY ANXIOUS ABOUT THE CONVERSATION, SEND A TEXT OR EMAIL
If you’re feeing anxiety about telling someone they aren’t invited to your wedding face to face, or over the phone, consider telling them via text or email.
Okay, I know. I know. Texting is awful. It’s impersonal. And telling others they aren’t invited to your wedding via text depends totally on the person hearing the news, and your texting relationship with them. However, it may be the best way for you to just get it out there and over with. And, in some cases, it’s better to text and let them know than have them figure it out on their own.
The other benefit of texting or emailing is that it gives the other person a chance to process and respond later on. This can make for a better conversation for when you do talk to them on the phone or in person.
YOUR REASONS ARE VALID, AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHARE THEM
Whatever your reason is for not inviting someone to your wedding, it’s valid. It’s your wedding, and who is invited depends on a lot of different factors. However, you do not have to share your reasons for not inviting someone to your wedding with anyone.
In fact, sharing them can help open up arguments from them as to why they should be invited. Or, solutioning so you feel like you have to invite them. For example, you may not invite someone based on your budget. They may try to barter with you that they will give you a big monetary gift in exchange for your invitation. Or that they won’t eat. Or a number of different solutions that may not appeal to you. It can cause a big headache.
Sometimes it’s just easier to leave it as “unfortunately, we are unable to invite you to our wedding”, and move on.
IF THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND, GIVE THEM SPACE
If you tell someone that they aren’t invited to your wedding, and they are mad about it, you may find that you’re compelled to keep reaching out to them to try and smooth it over.
To be honest, you should give them space after the conversation if they don’t understand. If you keep trying with them, it could make them even more confused about not being invited. And, in time, most people will calm down. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding, and you need to do what you need to do, so you’ll both have to be okay with that if you want to continue your relationship.
IF YOU’D LIKE, PLAN TO CELEBRATE IN ANOTHER WAY
As an alternate to inviting someone to your wedding, you could plan on doing something else with them to celebrate.
Of course, what you do depends on your relationship with them, how close you live, and what you like to do in general. For example, you and your partner could go to dinner with them. Or, you could go on a girl’s trip. You could even have a post-wedding party. This is something a lot of people plan to do post-pandemic, after having small weddings. At the end of the day, some people will just want to celebrate with you, and an alternate plan could be a great way to make that happen.
HOW TO PHRASE IT WHEN YOU TELL SOMEONE THEY AREN’T INVITED TO YOUR WEDDING
If you’re struggling with the words to tell someone they aren’t invited to your wedding, consider using these sentences:
- “We just wanted to let you know that we aren’t able to invite you to our wedding.”
- “I know this is awkward, but it’s important that you hear this from me. Unfortunately, we aren’t able to invite you to our wedding.”
- “We aren’t able to invite you to our wedding, but we would love to find another way to celebrate with you, after we get married.”
- “We love you, but right now we aren’t able to invite you to our wedding.”
- “I would want to know up front, so I wanted to share with you that we aren’t able to include you at our wedding. I hope you understand.”
As you can see, none of these statements explain the reasons why someone isn’t invited, but each is strait to the point. If you want to elaborate more, it’s up to you. Each of these sentences could be used in a real conversation, or a text message, so use the medium that makes the most sense to you and the person you’re sharing it with.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Telling someone they aren’t invited to your wedding is never an easy conversation to have, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. Know that if this person is a true friend to you, they will ultimately understand. And, there could be alternative ways to celebrate your marriage with them other than your wedding. So, be creative, be kind, and be direct.
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[…] Look, yes, it’s a little weird to not confirm someone is invited to your wedding when your wedding comes up in conversation. It may be a friend, a coworker, a neighbor, or even a family member. However, it’s weirder to confirm and then realize that you don’t have the space or budget to allow for that person to come. So, when in doubt, create your guest list the right way, and then tell people if they are invited or not. Need tips on the latter? Check out this post on how to tell people they aren’t invited to your wedding. […]