Maid of Honor 101

So you’ve been asked to be a Maid of Honor.  Now What?

Most people will opt to have a Maid of Honor in their wedding. A Maid of Honor is typically a trusted and long term friend or family member who is chosen to take on the role.  It’s clear that the the Maid of Honor will stand up front with the bride while the ceremony takes place and may say some words during the reception. Other than that. . . what’s usually expected of them?

I’m going to go over the top items that a Maid of Honor will either organize or help with, as well as my thoughts and experience with each of them. Keep in mind that each scenario and wedding is different.  In some cases the Maid of Honor might live far away and not be able to participate in every event.  Or the bride might not want a bridal shower, or wants to go dress shopping with just her mom. . . you get the idea.  This guidance isn’t one-size-fits-all.

MAID OF HONOR 101

Being a Maid of Honor can bring with it lofty expectations, but it really is an honorable position to be put in. 

Most Maid of Honor’s are chosen with careful thought and consideration.  Chances are you were chosen because the bride (or groom in some weddings) loves and trusts you.  You are probably reliable and have proven to be there for others when they need you.  You’re also the type of person who is up for the role and will do their best to make your friend or family member’s wedding day the best one they have ever had.

For the most part, an Maid of Honor should plan on being attendance at certain pre-wedding events.  She will have varying levels of involvement at each one.  She may or may not be in charge of planning these events, depending on what they are.  It’s really not that complicated as long as communication is open and you try your best to be a support system to the one getting married.  

Let’s get into the major expectations that are usually put on a Maid of Honor and a step by step guide to each one:

1. Attend Wedding Dress Shopping

You’ve seen Say Yes To The Dress, right?

If you’ve never heard of the show, it’s where a bride goes to a fancy wedding dress store and does a fashion show for all her closest friends and family.  The Maid of Honor is usually right there with the mother of the bride, giving her opinions.  Fun is had by all.

While SYTTD is quite produced, and they seem to encourage the drama and emotions whenever possible, it does help paint a picture of what an Maid of Honor does while the bride shops for a dress.  The requirements are usually quite simple – show up, be there, sit and wait, and then give a helpful opinion when asked. 

If the Maid of Honor lives close to where you’re shopping, and doesn’t have other crazy obligations for work and family, this is usually a pretty low stress obligation. And it’s super fun, especially when the dress is chosen. As a thoughtful treat, a Maid of Honor might bring snacks or champagne, but I certainly wouldn’t think that was a requirement.

For more tips on wedding dress shopping, check out this post.

Maid Of Honor Guide to Wedding Dress Shopping:

• Show up on time
• Be present
• Give supportive opinions
• Provide snacks / drinks (optional)

2. Help Pick Out The Bridesmaids Dresses

This one only applies if the rest of the bridal party will have matching or chosen dresses by the bride. If everyone is picking their own dress with or without general guidelines, scratch this activity.

After with the wedding dress is chosen, bridesmaid dresses are usually picked next. Sometimes a bride will bring along just the Maid of Honor, and sometimes she will take everyone (which can be really tricky if there is a huge bridal party). I would advise brides not to just pick out the dresses themselves. . . and to at least get input from the Maid of Honor or other trusted bridal party member. 

Generally, this activity would be the same as choosing a wedding dress, only the Maid of Honor does the trying on, and the bride does all the picking.

Maid Of Honor’s Guide to Bridesmaid Shopping:

• Show up on time
• Be present
• Be a good sport

3. Plan A Bridal Shower

In my experience as a Maid of Honor, this one is usually the hardest.

Planning a bridal shower takes a lot of factors into account, like the time of year, location, size of the wedding, and age range of the guests. For this activity, I suggest that the Maid of Honor recruits other bridesmaids or the Mother of the Bride for input. Brides themselves are typically not that involved in the planning, but I believe they can be if they want.

Sometimes someone else will want to throw a shower for the bride.  If that happens, the Maid of Honor should offer to help them or may also host something smaller and separate for any friends or guests that may have been excluded. There are a lot of nuances and situational factors that come into play with throwing a bridal shower. The long story short is that the Maid of Honor should make sure that the bride has a shower if she wants one, and with guests that she can have fun with.

Maid Of Honor’s Guide to Bridal Showers:

• Attend any showers you are invited to (if you can)
• Offer to help with any showers you are not hosting
• Host a bridal shower if the bride wishes (see here for guidance on in-person bridal showers or virtual bridal showers)

4. Plan A Bachelorette Party

This one can be a lot of work, but the trade off is usually pretty fun.

I’ve seen Maid of Honors plan bachelorette parties, I’ve seen bridesmaids take over, and I’ve seen brides plan their own. Sometimes brides and the Maid of Honor plan them together.  Alternatively, the whole wedding party will get together and the bride doesn’t provide much input at all. As the Maid of Honor, talk to the bride about what she wants and then try to make that happen. If the planning falls solely on the Maid of Honor, I suggest working with someone else in the bridal party to solidify plans.

For some lowkey bachelorette party ideas, this is a fun post.

Maid Of Honor’s Guide to Bachelorette Parties:

• Attend if you can (even if you didn’t plan it)
• Get involved in the planning if someone else is taking the lead
• Plan the party, based on the bride’s wishes, if no one else is making it happen
• Coordinate and recruit other members of the bridal party for input and help

5. Attend the Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner

If the wedding rehearsal and dinner are right before the wedding, this one is usually pretty easy to accomplish.

As part of their travel plans, the Maid of Honor should anticipate that they will need to be close to the bride so they can be there for these events a day or so before the wedding.  Other than that, there really isn’t that much else to it.  It’s important for the Maid of Honor to be an active participant in the rehearsal so she knows what to do on the Big Day.  The good news is the dinner is usually low key and has low expectations on the Maid of Honor.

Maid Of Honor’s Guide to Rehearsals:

• Attend if you can, and pay attention to any actions you need to take during the actual ceremony
• Attend the rehearsal dinner

6. Get Ready With Bride On The Wedding Day

This one is a bit of a no brainer, but still super important.

The Maid of Honor is usually hanging out with the bride the day of the wedding. In my experience, they are getting their make up and hair done, getting dressed, talking, listening to music, drinking, and having fun. As the Maid of Honor, arriving prepared with your clothes, some snacks, and some emergency items is all the bride really needs. Oh, and a fun attitude!

Maid Of Honor’s Guide to Wedding Day Preparations:

• Show up on time
• Bring all appropriate clothes
• Prepare an Emergency Kit
• Be a good sport

7. Participation in the Ceremony / Reception

There are a lot of items that go into the actual wedding.

Usually the Maid of Honor will be a part of pictures and the ceremony.  She will help the bride with a bustle or bathroom (if needed) before the reception.  The Maid of Honor will say a speech at the wedding (not always),  and will probably stay to the end of the wedding to make sure everything is packed up.  A Maid of Honor should have fun but should also be on the look out to step in to help at any point.  This will help to make sure the day is the best it can be for the newlyweds.

Maid Of Honor’s Guide to Wedding Ceremony and Reception:

• Be ready for any pictures (and follow instructions)
• Participate in the ceremony as requested (typically standing up front with bride)
• Help bride with bustle or special bathroom needs
• Give a speech or toast (if requested)
• Stay to the end of wedding to help make sure everything is packed up and no other help is needed
• Have fun!

CLOSING THOUGHTS

So there you have it, folks!

There are a lot of things a Maid of Honor can do.  Every situation is different, but these are the biggies. I think the most important thing is that you try and make life as easy as possible as you can for the bride (or groom).  Also, know that sometimes being a Maid of Honor isn’t easy, but it’s not forever either. It is an honorable position, and really one of the nicest things you can do for your friend or family member.

More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice:

Virtual Bridal Showers: Ideas for Games, Activities, & Entertainment

Choosing Your Wedding Party (What You Need To Know First)

Do I Need An Engagement Party?

Did you find this post useful, inspiring?  Save THIS PIN to your Wedding Party Board on Pinterest!