The Problem With The Word “Bridezilla”

Bridezilla. Also knows as the worst word associated with weddings.

I mean it.

A combination of the words “bride” and “Godzilla”, Bridezilla is a put down. It typically describes a bride who is at her wit’s end. A bride who may or may not be upset, demanding, or downright frustrated about something wedding-related. Bridezilla is a word that dismisses the bride’s feelings. It also takes the “burden” of helping the bride off anyone who is there for that very reason. Therefore, Bridezilla is the worst wedding word.

Just as this article goes into, it’s time to cancel Bridezilla. Doing so will only help those who are planning weddings, whether they are a bride or not. Not using the B-word will also allow a community and ownership feel when it comes to wedding planning. Instead of waiting for a bride to be so over the top upset, with others simply assuming this “Bridezilla” cannot be tamed, removing the word can help others look for ways to help the bride in question. More on that later.

This post is going to go deep into the problematic nature of the word “Bridezilla”. As someone who is interested in wedding planning, and wants to create a supportive and encouraging community for brides to feel empowered, Bridezilla does not fit into that equation. I want to deep dive the reasons why, right here.

Let’s get into it.

“BRIDEZILLA” IMPLIES THAT PLANNING A WEDDING FALLS ENTIRELY ON THE BRIDE

First things first. Bridezilla implies that wedding planning is only for brides.

Of course, we know that this isn’t true. Many grooms and partners get involved in wedding planning. Some weddings don’t have a bride at all. Plus, parents of the couple, wedding party members, and others also influence what is planned when a couple gets married. Still, there isn’t a term for the mother of a bride who is stressed out and feeling stranded while planning a wedding. There’s no images that *really* come to mind when we think “Groomzilla”. Not the same when we think of Bridezilla, that is.

The problem that happens when we assume brides are responsible for wedding planning is that it can drive them to become overwhelmed and stressed out. This would make anyone cranky. It makes wedding planning less fun, too. And while a bride may have strong opinions about what her wedding looks like, that doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t be taken seriously or supported. Dismissing stress or opinions with a single word just doesn’t sit well with me.

“BRIDEZILLA” INCORRECTLY LABELS WEDDING STRESS

Did you know that stress makes us grow? That challenging ourselves, stretching our comfort zone, and achieving new accomplishments helps our self esteem and confidence?

Well, now you do.

A little stress is okay. Being stressed out about a wedding is okay. To an extent. Once that stress teeters into too much, it’s time to ask for help. Some brides may feel uneasy or unsure about their level of stress because they don’t want to be seen as a Bridezilla. So, they keep it in. Eventually, though, it will come out. And, when a word like Bridezilla is available, these brides may be met with a label instead of the support they need.

As I mentioned before, labels allow others to dismiss our emotions. They minimize what we’re feeling, good or bad. Let’s work on getting rid of unnecessary labels and instead work to help each other.

“BRIDEZILLA” HAS BECOME A BLANKET TERM FOR ALL UNWANTED BEHAVIOR

Here’s the thing. Some behavior, demonstrated by brides, is not okay.

As I tell my toddler, it’s okay to be frustrated. It’s okay to cry. It’s not okay to yell at mommy. And, it’s not okay to lash out at others because of stress. There are some brides who act in ways that are not appropriate. It might be how they demonstrate stress, and it might just be that they are not nice people. Anyone who is abusive is behaving in a way that is not okay, no matter the reason.

The term Bridezilla is unfair to those who are stressed and/or opinionated about their weddings, but are not being mean or abusive. It lumps them into the same bucket as those who are behaving in actual problematic ways.

Think about it. Have you ever talked to someone about an upcoming wedding and heard them say “Oh man. Sheila is being such a Bridezilla.” This immediately brings out images of Sheila screaming and throwing tantrums just to get her way. It could be just that Sheila was upset about something and vented, in a reasonable way. It’s not fair to Sheila for the “other” image to portray her.

THERE IS NO MALE EQUIVILENT THAT STINGS QUITE THE SAME WAY

As mentioned before, there is the term “Groomzilla” out there.

It’s not as mean as Bridezilla, though.

Groomzilla just doesn’t bring up the same mental images as Bridezilla. When I think of a Groomzilla, I imagine a groom who is into his wedding. He has opinions. He’s involved. I don’t imagine the groom being abusive, or throwing fits to get his way.

Not having a male equivalent of the term Bridezilla again places all the stress, blame, and issues on the bride planning a wedding. It’s not a fair portrayal for men or women.

WHAT TO DO INSTEAD OF USE THE WORD “BRIDEZILLA”

Okay, so what can we do to move away from the term Bridezilla?

Well, lots of things. Just remember this. If you know a bride, and she appears stressed, or overly controlling about a wedding aspect, you may be tempted to dismiss her as the B-word. Instead of classifying her in this negative light, why don’t you try one of the following actions?

Offer to help. The simple offering can go a long way.
Let the bride know that you understand her emotions, and they are valid. Remember, feeling a certain way is okay. Bad behavior is not.

Step out of the way, if needed. Maybe the bride just needs a little space?
Show empathy for the bride. This can be verbally, or not.
Let it go. Planning a wedding is stressful. Some brides (or grooms) may vent, or have a little meltdown sometimes.

Have a conversation with the bride about what is okay behavior, and what’s not. If your feelings have been hurt, or someone is abusive with their actions, tell them. Set boundaries.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Okay, from now on, I promise to never use the word Bridezilla again. Not only is it an ugly word, it’s unfair. These days, brides and grooms have a lot going on. Not only are they probably working full time, focusing on their friends, families, and wellness, and balancing so much, but they also have to fit in planning a wedding. Sometimes a little meltdown will happen. Let’s let others vent in healthy ways, and move on without the name calling.

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