Do you want to agree with your fiancé on a wedding budget? Not sure where to start? Dealing with some disagreements about it? Well, this post is going to help you out!
When I first think of disagreements between fiancés about wedding budgets, a funny episode of Friends comes to mind. In the episode, newly engaged Monica and Chandler (RIP, Matthew Perry), are disagreeing about how much to spend on their wedding. Chandler had a fairly large savings account, and Monica assumed that they would spend the whole amount on their wedding. Chandler argues that he does not want to spend his life’s savings on a “party”.
Hilarity ensued.
As you can probably tell, it’s a bit funnier to watch this scenario play out on TV rather than in real life. However, it is important to agree with your fiancé on a wedding budget. Without an agreement, you may set yourselves up for resentment, debt, and stress in your married life. Plus, who wants to add turmoil and discord into their lives while they are engaged and planning a wedding? Not me, at least.
Eight Strategies To Agree With Your Fiancé On A Wedding Budget
This post is going to go over eight strategies to help you agree with your fiancé on a wedding budget. It will review the ways that a budget is created, and give you strategies to come together to decide the best budget for you. Planning and paying for a wedding is likely the biggest expense the two of you have experienced to date. Setting the framework for how you deal and plan for money will give you an opportunity to work together. It can build a foundation for your marriage. This is a good thing, and a great exercise.
Let’s get into it.
IS IT NORMAL TO DISAGREE ON YOUR WEDDING BUDGET?
Before we get into how to agree with your fiancé on a wedding budget, let’s review how normal this is.
Look, it’s super normal. Especially when the two of you have different experiences and visions of your money.
Disagreements can become enhanced when money is tight. They can also be heightened when one person makes more than the other, or has a more “frugal” attitude. Additionally, if you are paying for your wedding yourselves, rather than receiving funds from your families, money becomes much more real.
In short, you’re not alone. Lots of couples disagree about how much to spend on their weddings. What’s crucial for you is how you come together.
STRATEGY 1: SIT DOWN TOGETHER AND REVIEW HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE TO WORK WITH
When two people are supposed to come together on a common goal, it often starts with sitting down with each other and looking at what they are dealing with.
In the case of trying to agree with your fiancé on a wedding budget, you need to start with some numbers. It may help to begin with what you have to spend on your wedding. For example, how much money can you make between now and your wedding day that you can use towards your wedding? How much do you have saved for your wedding? Will your family contribute anything? If so, how much? Add up all the money you think you’ll have by your wedding day, and this is the amount you’ll have to work with.
If you find that you disagree on the amounts, or one of you would rather spend the money elsewhere, try and speak to each other with curiosity. Yes, it may mean a later compromise on a wedding item, but at least determining the total amount you have to spend is huge. Try your best to at least narrow down a range. Without that, you won’t be able to plan a wedding without one of you completely conceding.
By the way, if you want to avoid going into debt for your wedding, this is the post for you.
STRATEGY 2: TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF YOUR WEDDING
Maybe the money talks are too much for you and your partner, for right now. Perhaps it’s more beneficial for you to talk about what the wedding means to you before you get into the numbers.
Start by telling each other what you picture for your wedding day. What is your wedding vision? Who will be there? Where will it be? What will you eat? How does it smell? Get specific. How do you want to feel on your wedding day? What are you most excited about? During this time, try to listen to each other without judgement. This is just a vision, not reality. It may help you both to see how the other views weddings and understand why there is a disconnect in the amount you want to pay for the wedding.
STRATEGY 3: DISCUSS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH MONEY
Everyone grows up differently with money. Some people are raised in homes where money is tight, and this may cause them to grow into frugal adults, or people who like to spend since they now have money.
Other people grow up in homes where they are taught about money, and they feel comfortable with it. Maybe they prioritize their spending, but they like to spend on things they see value in.
Chances are, you and your partner have different views on money. Maybe one of you likes to save, and the other likes to splurge. Or, one of you has never had any money while the other comes from a wealthy upbringing. Maybe money gives you or your fiancé a bit of anxiety. A lot of emotions can be tied up in money, and they aren’t always easy to navigate.
So, talk about it with your fiancé. Understanding where the other comes from with money can help you empathize with their point of view and start to be able to agree on a wedding budget.
STRATEGY 4: GO OVER HOW MUCH YOUR ANTICIPATED WEDDING WILL COST
Alright, back to the money talk.
In addition to determining how much money you have for your wedding, you’ll need to talk about how much money you actually plan to spend. It will help to have this conversation if you have numbers in front of you. I suggest that one, or both, of you sit down with a list of all wedding line items. Start assigning costs to each one. You may need to do a little research here.
By going over the amount your wedding may cost, and then comparing notes, you may find some common ground and also some trouble areas to discuss further. Ultimately, finding a way to agree with your fiancé on a wedding budget will mean aligning on total costs. Going line by line will help.
STRATEGY 5: FOCUS ON THE MAJOR ELEMENTS THAT YOU DISAGREE ON
Once you go line by line on what you each want to pay on every wedding line item, you may find a few major categories of disagreement.
Set aside everything that you do agree on, and those that are very close. With this strategy to agree with your fiancé on a wedding budget, focus on the line items that have the biggest spread between you and your fiancé’s desired spend. One by one, talk about these line items. See if one of you is willing to come down, or come up on what you can spend. Use the amount of money you have to spend on your wedding as leverage, as well as your overall wedding vision.
Chances are, you’ll find your priorities and common ground by getting focused rather than talking about everything big picture.
STRATEGY 6: SEE IF YOU CAN COMPROMISE
Some people see compromise as a lose-lose situation. I am not one of those people.
When you’re planning a wedding and having disagreements with your fiancé about what to spend your money on, there is almost always a happy compromise. This may mean that both partners need to bend on certain things. It may also mean that you stick to your principals, if they are really important to you (more on that in this post).
During this strategy, talk about possible solutions to bring your numbers closer together. Perhaps certain things can be cut from the plan. Or, you may choose to have a smaller guest list. Maybe you plan to ask family if they can help out monetarily (more on that in this post). You could also take on side hustles to pay for your dream wedding (find more about that in this and this post).
STRATEGY 7: IF THINGS GET HEATED, TAKE A BREAK
If you really can’t agree with your fiancé on a wedding budget, you may need to take a break from the conversation.
And by break, I mean a break. Temporary. You’ll need to revisit the discussion again at some point.
Here’s the thing. At the end of the day, you love each other. You want to get married to each other. And, planning a wedding will not be the most stressful thing you and your partner go through in life. I can promise you that. So, if you’re not able to properly determine your budget, planned spend amount, compromise, or other strategies listed in this post, take a break.
Go out on a date, take a walk, and then revisit the conversation because something will have to budge at some point.
STRATEGY 8: FIND YOUR COMMON GROUND
Last strategy to being able to agree with your fiancé on a wedding budget. Finding your common ground.
Okay, maybe you can’t agree on the vision of the wedding or the dollar amounts involved. What can you agree on? Maybe it’s that you don’t want to go into debt to pay for the wedding. Or that you both want to have a band playing instead of a DJ. Perhaps you even drift the conversation away from the wedding altogether. Can you agree that one day you’ll want to buy a house? Build a family? Travel? Get a dog?
Finding common ground can help the two of you realize what you both want at the same time. This can make coming together to discuss your differences a bit easier.
THOUGHTS ON STRATEGIES TO AGREE WITH YOUR FIANCÉ ON A WEDDING BUDGET
Friends, it’s not fun when you can’t agree with your fiancé on a wedding budget. But, here’s the thing. You need to put in the work to come together. This means being prepared with actual dollar amounts, both on what you have to spend, and what you’d like to spend. It also means making compromises while sticking as close to your wedding vision and principals as possible. This is on both people in the relationship, not just one. Eventually, you’ll need to come together because you are going to come together once you’re married. That’s just how marriage works. Happy wedding planning!
More On Budgets From Hummingbird Wedding Advice
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13 Unexpected Wedding Expenses You Should Plan For
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