Ten Tips To Overcome Wedding Speech Anxiety

Are you feeling some wedding speech anxiety? If so, you’re not alone.

Public speaking is one of the most common fears out there. It makes sense, too. Speaking in front of a crowd can be daunting. Everyone looking at you, listening to what you have to say, giving you their attention. I mean, what if you say something embarrassing? Or mess something up? Add in the fact that you’re at a wedding, and you really want it to go well, and the anxiety can totally take over.

The thing is, though, is that wedding speeches happen. And, the have a purpose. Whether you are one part of the couple getting married, or a close family member or friend, the guests there really do want you to say something. Wedding speeches can add to the experience for everyone involved. There are valid reasons why we do them, despite the wedding speech anxiety they bring out.

This post is going to give you ten tips to overcome wedding speech anxiety. As someone who speaks publicly regularly, and has given many speeches at weddings (including my own), I know that the anxiety can creep in. Rather than letting it ruin a great experience, I’d like to help lessen it. The anxiety may never go away entirely, but with the right tips, it can be reduced greatly.

Let’s get into it!

1. WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU WANT TO SAY

My first tip to overcome wedding speech anxiety is to write down what you want to say.

Don’t know where to start? How about with some bullet points? You can even look up common things to say during wedding speeches online to get you started. Chances are, there are things you want to say during your speech. Just get them written down, even if you know you’ll end up cutting some out.

2. RE-WRITE, AS NEEDED

Once you have some talking points, refine them.

Make your speech relevant to the couple at hand, or the wedding guests. You can draft and redraft what you want to say as many times as you need to, until it’s perfect. Not only will this help you know that what you’re saying will not go “off the rails”, but you’ll feel more in control.

3. PRACTICE ALONE, AND PRACTICE IN FRONT OF OTHERS

Some public speaking experts will tell you that too much practice is just too much.

I disagree with them.

When it comes to public speaking, I believe that practice is crucial. And, you should practice as much as you need to. Practice alone. Practice in front of a mirror. Ask some trusted friends to hear you practice and provide you gentle feedback. Practicing will ease your wedding speech anxiety, and help you spot ways to improve your speech at the same time.

4. REMEMBER TO PAUSE TO BREATH, AND PUT REMINDERS TO DO SO IN YOUR NOTES

Fearful that you’ll rush your speech? Afraid you won’t enunciate or breath? Remind yourself to pause right on your drafted speech.

Here’s the thing. Most people will rush through their words when they speak publicly. This can leave them breathless, lightheaded, and red faced. Rather than let that happen to you, remind yourself to pause. It’s totally okay to do so. Take a beat. Let your words linger. Even if it feels awkward. The breaths you’ll get to enjoy will calm your nerves, and your words will register even more with the listeners.

5. BE YOURSELF IN YOUR SPEECH

In this day and age of Chat GPT and AI, it can be tempting to recite a canned speech. I urge you not to.

To help overcome wedding speech anxiety, it’ll be easier to just be yourself. And, your speech will be that much better. So, make it personal. Tell a story. Add some tasteful humor. Be you, whatever that means to you. The wedding guests hearing you will enjoy it much more, and it will be more meaningful to the wedding. Plus, it’s so much easier to be ourselves than it is to be someone else.

6. DON’T RELY ON ALCOHOL TO OVERCOME WEDDING SPEECH ANXIETY

Some people may rely on alcohol to overcome wedding speech anxiety. I beg of you, please don’t.

Yes, in the moment, alcohol may make you feel better. You may even feel like it’s making you a better public speaker. However, reality may be very different from your perception. Alcohol can make your voice slur, your balance wobble, and your tone inappropriate. Yes, of course, if you can tolerate it, have a reasonable amount of alcohol before you speak. Just don’t overdo it. You’ll be better without it. Promise.

7. MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE CROWD

Some people have the tendency to look down, or at a table, when they speak publicly. It can be a bit off putting to the listeners. Not only does looking down prevent your voice from projecting, but it prevents connection with the crowd.

If you are giving a speech at a wedding, or just public speaking in general, face the audience. Look at their eyes as you speak. Yes, of course, glance at your notes if you need them. But look up. Connect. Even if it’s just to a few people you know and trust. Your audience will be more engaged, and your words will have more impact.

8. PROJECT YOUR VOICE WHEN YOU SPEAK, ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON’T HAVE A MICROPHONE

While we’re on the subject of projecting our voices, let’s delve into it a bit more.

Is there anything worse than a speaker who you can’t hear? One who you really have to lean in to understand? Not only is it annoying, but it’s a waste of time. So, as the speaker, make sure people can hear you.

How do you do this, you might ask? Well, project your voice. Take up the space. See if you can hear a slight echo of your words on the other side of the room. Of course, microphones help, but they aren’t always available or working properly. So help them out. It’ll make your speech better if it can be heard.

9. BRING A FRIEND UP WITH YOU

Oh, did you think I was going to suggest this?

Look, we all know that public speaking can be daunting. But, it does help to have a friend with you. I mean, who doesn’t want another person standing up with them as they speak? Not only does it help you feel supported, but it gives the impression that not everyone is looking directly at you. So, even if your friend does not speak, just them standing there can help you overcome wedding speech anxiety.

10. END WITH A TOAST

One issue that many people have with wedding speeches is that they don’t know when or where to end.

I suggest ending with a toast. It’s a clear finish to a speech. It gives your audience something to do. And, it’s a fun interaction that you can have with the people in the room, and they can have with each other. A toast is a clean way to celebrate, and move on with a quickness. So, you know, you can sit down and enjoy the wedding now that your speech is over.

THINGS TO REMEMBER ABOUT WEDDING SPEECHES

To help you overcome wedding speech anxiety, I’d like to share a few reminders with you. They help me when I speak publicly, especially at weddings:

The nerves will fade once you start. Usually, my nerves fade about ten seconds after I start talking. It may take you a little longer if you don’t give a lot of speeches.
No one can tell that you’re nervous. Unless you tell them yourself, or you are clearly having a hard time, most people will not be able to pick up on subtle cues that you are experiencing anxiety. For some reason, I find this calming.

Everyone at the wedding loves you. Even if they don’t know you, they love you. Giving a speech at a wedding is an act of love. Those who are there will be respectful, and all they want to hear is something heartfelt and thoughtful.

THOUGHTS ON HOW YOU CAN OVERCOME WEDDING SPEECH ANXIETY

Friends, with some intention you can overcome wedding speech anxiety. All you need to do is be prepared, know what you’re going to say, and remember some key elements about public speaking. When in doubt, ask a friend to listen to you and give you feedback. If you are nervous, remember that weddings are a place of love and you got this. Happy speech planning!

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