There are definitely some things you should never include in your wedding vows.
Now, I’ve written about things to include in your wedding vows. You can find those tips here and here. I even have a free guide about writing your own wedding vows. Shameless plug, in it you’ll find quizzes to discover your wedding vow style, and tips to create wedding vows that are authentic to you. It’s a great guide, if I do say so myself!
Okay, I digress. Back to the topic on hand.
There are some things you should never include in your wedding vows. Things that maybe should not be said at a wedding. Or said at all, ever. Of course, every couple is different, and we all have different styles. However you design your wedding vows, you can’t say you weren’t warned. Some things just do not belong, no matter how you look at it.
13 Things To Never Include In Your Wedding Vows
This post is going to share with you 13 things to never include in your wedding vows. Wedding vows are meant to be special. They are personal. Wedding vows, saying them and hearing them, can be a poignant moment in your wedding. I know that for most of the weddings I attend, hearing vows is my favorite part. This is why, though you can have fun with your vows, they should be taken somewhat seriously.
Let’s get into what I mean.
1. NEVER INCLUDE PROMISES YOU CAN’T KEEP
Vows are usually filled with promises. And, promises you can’t keep are one of those things you should never include in your wedding vows.
Of course, you may include promises in your vows that are a “stretch goal.” It is absolutely okay to include things like “never going to bed angry”, or any variation of how you’ll deal with conflict. You may even promise to “love your partner for every second of every day,” which any married person will tell you is impossible to do.
What I’m referring to is vows that your partner will take seriously, that you won’t be able to hold yourself to. Don’t publicly promise anything that will come back later on as a broken promise. Those promises may be different for every couple, but I think you get the picture.
2. NEVER INCLUDE TOO MANY INSIDE JOKES
I know I said earlier that wedding vows should be serious. However, a little humor is fine.
It’s okay to be slightly funny in your vows. It makes them more endearing. A little joke, or tease, can be really cute. What might not be okay, though, is including too many inside jokes. Not only will guests not understand them, they won’t laugh at them. They may feel excluded when they hear them, and slightly confused.
Look, wedding vows are for you and your partner, first and foremost. But if you’re going to go through the process of sharing them with others, at least make sure they are in on the joke.
3. NEVER INCLUDE EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT YOUR PARTNER OR GUESTS
Most couples likely have an element of surprise in their wedding vows. Meaning, they don’t know exactly what the other person is going to say.
If this is your situation, embarrassing stories is something you should never include in your wedding vows. Yes, it may be okay to share that your fiancé watches trashy reality TV shows with you, and you love that about them. It might not be okay to share the story about the time they met your parents for the first time and got completely wasted. Pick and choose your stories wisely. They should be sweet, and not meant to bring up bad or shameful memories.
4. NEVER INCLUDE IN YOUR WEDDING VOWS SWEAR WORDS OR ADULT LANGUAGE
This tip isn’t for everyone, and I appreciate that.
Some of us use bad words. I know I do. It’s something I try to work on. But, I mean, bad habits are hard to break.
I do, however, know my audience. During your wedding vows, you need to look at who is listening. And, look at what is appropriate for them to hear. Will you have little kids at your wedding? Elderly people? Conservative people who will be offended at four letter words? Do you want to sound elegant, sophisticated, and mature? If so, leave out the bad stuff.
5. NEVER INCLUDE SUPER DETAILED STORIES THAT ARE HARD TO FOLLOW
Here’s the thing. Wedding vows aren’t meant to be epic presentations. They should be succinct, easy to follow, and engaging.
If you are going to tell a story in your wedding vows, make sure you review it. Review it again. And again. Have it written down. There should be a beginning, middle, and end. Don’t tell a winding story that leads guests in loops and valleys. Not only will they get confused, but you’ll lose them. They will get bored. They won’t be paying attention to your wedding. It won’t be ideal.
The same goes for any speeches, by the way. If you, or someone else, needs pointers on giving a speech at a wedding, here’s the post for you.
6. NEVER INCLUDE IN YOUR WEDDING VOWS WORDS YOU CAN’T PRONOUNCE
Not all of us are well spoken. And, some words, even in our native languages, are not meant for everyone.
Words you can’t pronounce should never be included in your wedding vows. Not if they are meant to make you seem smart, that is. If you’re making a joke that your partner always corrects you when you say the word “aluminum”, that’s fine. You’re pointing out that you can’t say the word, and it’s part of the vows. However, don’t go for words you can’t say, just because. Have each and every word be pronounce-able (by the way, is that a word?).
7. NEVER INCLUDE IN YOUR WEDDING VOWS SECRETS THAT SHOULDN’T BE MADE PUBLIC
The more we’re with someone, the more we collect secrets about them. Your wedding vows are not the time to share those secrets.
Now, you may be thinking – my partner is an open book. They won’t mind if I share their bathroom habits. Or their childhood mishaps. Or their arrest history – no judgement. Look, maybe they won’t. Still, don’t share those things. About your fiancé, or anyone else. Unless someone has asked you to share a secret, keep it off your wedding vow plan.
8. NEVER INCLUDE WHAT YOU WISH WAS DIFFERENT ABOUT YOUR PARTNER
I know, I know. We all have something that we wish was different about our partners.
Your wedding vows are not the time to share that thing.
Wedding vows are a great time to share what you love about your partner, whatever that may be. As long as it’s not too personal, share what makes you want to marry them. Don’t do the opposite, though. Can you imagine hearing someone say “I love you, but I wish you were taller, didn’t interrupt me, and bought me flowers every Friday” at their wedding, during their ceremony. Yikes! Just don’t.
9. NEVER INCLUDE IN YOUR WEDDING VOWS ANY MENTION OF YOUR EX (OR THEIR’S)
Past relationships, or the mention of ex’s, are definitely things you should never include in your wedding vows.
It likely goes without saying, but your wedding vows are about you and your partner. While you may elude to your partner being the best person you’ve ever been with, your vows are not the time to start comparing them, in a good or bad way, to someone else. They are also not the time to talk about their ex. Even if you’re saying nice things, just avoid it. Just make your wedding vows about your relationship, and no one else’s.
10. NEVER INCLUDE MENTIONS OF PAST BREAKUPS WITH YOUR FIANCE
Some couples do break up before their wedding day. It happens.
Maybe don’t mention it in your wedding vows.
Or, if you do, be very sly about it. Perhaps a “I’m so lucky I found you again” will suit you over “I know we broke up a bunch before, but now that we’re going to be married, things will be different”. I mean, there is a difference, right?
If you and your partner dated when you were very young, and then found each other much later in life, say what feels right. However, if you have a pattern of breaking up, or fighting, just don’t mention it in your vows.
11. NEVER INCLUDE IN YOUR WEDDING VOWS ANYTHING TOO RISQUE OR REVEALING
Some couples are very affectionate. Very affectionate, if you know what I mean.
Your wedding is not the time to mention what you do when the two of you are alone. Not only will it be creepy for your family to use their imagination, but it can make other guests uncomfortable. Along these same lines, maybe don’t mention each other’s body parts? You may love your wife’s butt, but your vows are not the time to tell her.
12. NEVER INCLUDE THINGS THAT ARE NOT AUTHENTIC TO YOU, AND WHAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH
Public speaking can be daunting, even for those of us who are used to it. The most important part of public speaking is that you feel comfortable with what you are saying.
Wedding vows are very personal. And, your audience is your most trusted friends and family. While this can make it a little less scary to get up and say some words publicly, it can also make it clear when you’re saying things that don’t feel right to you as a person.
In some cases, one partner will write the vows for both parties. If this is your situation, and you find that there’s something in the vows you don’t want to say publicly (or privately), look into editing it. The most important part of your vows is that they are meaningful, and special, to you.
13. NEVER INCLUDE WHAT YOU THINK OTHERS WANT YOU TO SAY
Just like you may be pressured to say something in your wedding vows that others explicitly tell you to say, you may feel like you’re creating your vows based on what you “should” say, rather than what you really want to say.
I know that this post is all about things that you should never include in your wedding vows. And while I stand by the tips here, at the end of the day, it’s your wedding. You do you. Don’t write your vows based on what you think the expectation is out there. Write what feels right in your heart. If you need help, talk to your partner. Or check out this guide. You’ve got this.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Wedding planners, I think we covered it. 13 things you should never include in your wedding vows. Wedding vows are personal. They should feel authentic to you. However, beware of over-sharing. Say things that your guests will understand, and appreciate hearing. I promise, if you speak from your heart, your vows will be amazing. Happy wedding planning.
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