Kids At Your Wedding, No Kids, or Somewhere in Between?

Will you have kids at your wedding?

This is a MAJOR decision.

For some, it’s easy – for others, it’s hard for a multitude of reasons. Maybe you have lots of kids in your life. Maybe some of them are even your own. Or, maybe your family has always allowed kids at weddings, and the thought that you would go against tradition is abhorrent.

For my partner and me, it was an easy decision from Day One.

No kids allowed. Period.

At the time of our wedding the only kids in our lives were our friend’s kids. If we allowed everyone to bring their kids we may have ended up with 30+ kids under five years old. Our venue wasn’t that big. We were serving lots of alcohol. And our live band was super loud. Because of all this we gave lots of notice to everyone ahead of time that no kids were allowed.

I’ll caveat – I did tell one friend with a nursing newborn that she could bring her baby to the reception but we preferred no infants at the ceremony. That friend ended up coming to our cocktail hour but skipped the ceremony and reception. Hopefully she understood our preference on the evening, we definitely understood hers.

Let’s explore both options and items you may want to consider:

ALLOW KIDS AT YOUR WEDDING

Will you have a “kids table”? This would be a place for the 8-12 year olds to converse with each other. Some cute items like coloring books, bubbles, or games may be appreciated by this crowd.

Are there any hazards or safety issues that parents may need to know about before they decide to bring their kids? I’ve been to weddings with pools nearby, bluffs with steep drop-off’s, and deep woods. I wouldn’t consider these venues to be totally toddler-friendly. I’ve also been to venues that are enclosed in a small building or home. This may allows for toddlers to roam without too much danger present. Knowing the situation ahead of time will absolutely help encourage or detour the presence of children.

Can childcare be provided? This is a great option should you get married in a hotel or venue with a close-but-separate room. If your budget allows for it, you could hire a childcare provider to watch over the toddlers and young kids. It would be an extra cost and some logistics would have to be considered, but parents will surely appreciate it.

DON’T ALLOW KIDS AT YOUR WEDDING

Will anyone be offended? Look, this is just a wedding. It’s important, but it’s only for a few hours. Yes, your cousin/friend/coworker may be huffy because you told her that little Timmy and Sally cannot come. . . but they will get over it. They have the choice not to come themselves – which brings me to my next point. . .

Will your guest list be reduced because of this? I would venture to say YES. Some parents don’t like to be away from their kids, while some parents can’t find or afford babysitters. Some may have to travel and be gone overnight and it’s just too much to coordinate. So you’ll have some declines from folks who just can’t make it now. And that’s okay.

How do you tell your guests? I suggest that everyone has a wedding website that lays out the logistics. This should include a note about kids not being invited (if this is the path you choose). You can word it like this – “We love you and your kids, but due to space limitations we will be having an Adult Only ceremony and reception. We hope that informing our guests in advance will give everyone enough time to hire a sitter and enjoy a night out with us!”

How do you address the invites? I suggest you just name the parents/invitees and don’t use language like ‘The Smith Family”. Instead use “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” or “John and Jane Smith”.

SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN

So. . . what about if you want your best friend’s daughter to be your flower girl? Or you won’t get married without your nieces and nephews there? Well, you need to consider pretty much everything above, with one extra item.

How do you tell some people one thing and other’s another?

Well, you can do it in an understandable and polite way if you have all kids in a certain group invited. Examples would be all kids you’re related to. Or, only your best friend of 25 years can bring her kids. Or, in my case – only kids under the age of 6 months.

If you can’t find a nice way to group kids who are invited, just keep in mind that it’s your wedding. Do whatever you want. Just be clear on who is invited and who isn’t. Lest you end up with 30+ kids under the age of 5 running around at your big day.