No matter how much you plan, wedding regrets are bound to happen after your wedding day.
Now, your wedding regrets may be big. Huge. Or, they could be very small. It could be that you wished you had a different theme. Or that you didn’t choose *that* wedding dress. Perhaps you regret certain people being invited to your wedding. Or that you didn’t spring for a videographer. It could be that you weren’t prepared for something that didn’t go to plan. No matter what your wedding regrets are, they can definitely haunt you after your wedding.
The problem with regret is that it lingers. It takes fantastic experiences, and makes them less great. Regrets can overcome our memories, and give us pits in our stomachs when we think about what could have been. Should have been. Would have been.
The other problem with regret is that there’s nothing we can do about it. The past is the past, and we can’t go back and change it. When it comes to our weddings, these once in a lifetime events, regrets can be the forefront of what we think about, instead of thinking about how awesome everything else was.
How To Get Over Wedding Regrets
This post is going to give you tips on how to get over wedding regrets. Now, I’m not an expert. I’ve only been married for five years. However, I know what it’s like to plan the heck out of your wedding and still not have things go to plan. I know what it’s like to dwell on wedding regrets, instead of celebrating what was experienced. And, I know what it’s like to overcome regrets and let them go. I’d like to share those tips with you, so you can move on, too.
Let’s get into it.
REMEMBER, YOU MADE THE BEST CHOICE FOR YOU AT THE TIME
Look, no one gets engaged and anticipates having wedding regrets after their wedding day. And, when you’re planning a wedding, there are a million choices you’ll have to make.
Chances are, whatever choice you made at the time, that led to your later regrets, was the best choice for you in that moment. You may have had access to limited information. Or, even if you had access to all the information, you might have been busy making other choices to focus on this one. Remember, you did the best you could, with the information you had.
ACCEPT THAT YOU WEREN’T AWARE HOW CERTAIN CHOICES WOULD IMPACT WEDDING REGRETS LATER ON
I don’t know about you, but I can’t tell the future. Chance are, neither can you.
There is no way of knowing how certain choices we make for our weddings will turn out. When you made those choices, you may have thought that they would turn out fine. For example, how could you anticipate that a certain guest would be a drunk mess at your wedding? Or that the seats you decided to reserve for certain guests would remain empty because those guests were never told about them? Or that your transportation would get confused, and you’d be stranded at your wedding when it was over?
(Well, if you haven’t guessed already, those were some of my wedding regrets).
Look, you (or I), could have never known those things would happen. We made our choice, and thought it would turn out. Sometimes they don’t.
KNOW THAT IT’S OKAY TO BE OKAY WITH REGRETS
Sometimes our perception is that if we hold onto a regret, it’s a way to “deal” with it. That if we keep thinking about it, we can somehow get so comfortable that it no longer is a regret.
Unfortunately, regrets don’t normally work that way.
If you have wedding regrets that keep rolling around in your mind, try to accept them. Accept the fact that the choice was made. That the action, or inaction, happened. Accept that you can’t do anything to change the past, and thinking about it doesn’t help change things. It’s okay to just become okay with the regret.
FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR MAKING CERTAIN CHOICES
Often we think that asking others for forgiveness will absolve us of guilt and regret. Ultimately, though, the one we should forgive is ourselves.
If there are wedding regrets that you are blaming yourself for, focus on forgiveness. Maybe you didn’t invite someone to your wedding, and wish you had. Or, you figured out too late that your wedding party wasn’t filled with the ideal people. Perhaps you now wish you had hired a videographer, or gone with a different photographer.
Forgive yourself for going in the direction you did. You didn’t mean to upset or hurt future you. You did the best you could, at the time, with the information you were given.
MEDITATE ON WHY CERTAIN CHOICES WERE MADE
It might help you let go of wedding regrets if you think about the time you were making certain choices.
To do this, take time to be alone, in a quiet space. Get comfortable, and set a timer. Focus on taking yourself back to the time where you were making the choice you later regret. Were there other people there? What was influencing you at the time? Did you receive bad advice, or did you make an executive decision? Were you able to really think about your choice, or thrown into a situation where quick decisions were critical?
Meditate about the answers to these questions, and then think about what made sense to you in that moment. You may find that the choice you made really was the most logical.
FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES
Even if you’re carrying around wedding regrets, I bet a bunch of great things also happened at your wedding. It might help if you focus on the positives, instead of the negatives.
Honestly, 98% of my wedding went totally to plan. However, the remaining 2% is what I thought about in the days that followed. By the way, if you’d like to know more about that 2%, take a look at this post. Look, as humans, we tend to go towards what didn’t go right, instead of what did. It may help to make a list of every decision, every moment, that went totally to plan, regarding your wedding. Put it next to the list of things that didn’t go well.
Chances are that the list of positives is much longer than the list of negatives.
REMEMBER THAT NO WEDDING IS PERFECT
I want you to repeat this to yourself. No wedding is perfect.
Not one single couple has had a wedding that went perfectly to plan. Not one. If someone tells you they did, they are either lying, or they have accepted what didn’t go well and moved on. Remember, you’ll never have the perfect combination of weather, guests, location, food, entertainment, and all the other things that weddings have. You just won’t. Eventually, at some point, a regret is inevitable. It’s what you do with that regret that is key.
LOOK FOR WAYS TO MAKE THE WEDDING REGRETS RIGHT
In some cases, you may have wedding regrets that can be corrected. If so, try to do so.
Perhaps you regret not spending enough time with certain guests. If they are still in your life, plan a trip to visit them. Maybe you wish someone was in your wedding party. Tell them. They may appreciate that you wished it was them, without the responsibility of actually having to be a bridesmaid. It might be that you regret something you said at your wedding. Make apologies, if needed. Not happy with your photos? See if you can have them taken again. When there’s a will, there’s a way.
Not everything can be corrected, but in some cases they can. Find those regrets, and make them right.
HOW TO AVOID WEDDING REGRETS
The number one way to avoid wedding regrets? Not having them in the first place.
Now, I know what I said before. We’re all just making the best decisions at the time, with the information we’re given. This is still true, but there are some ways to accept your choices, even after your wedding is totally over.
STAND BY YOUR DECISIONS
One way to avoid wedding regrets is to stand by your decisions while wedding planning, in the moment, and afterwards.
It might be that you have other people trying to persuade you another way from what you’ve chosen. Or, you and your partner have ruled out certain things. Maybe you’ve made an executive decision in a silo. No matter what brought you to a choice, stick with it. Think about the alternatives, and why you’re not going the other way. At least this way, you can remind yourself later why you went the direction you did.
If you need tips on making hard choices for your wedding, check out this post.
DON’T RUSH DECISIONS
This is a tip I should work on in my daily life.
When you are planning your wedding, take your time. Make choices at the right time. Don’t put steps ahead of each other. There is a method to planning a wedding. A reason why they say to book your venue before buying your dress. Reasons why you shouldn’t tell anyone they are invited to your wedding until you know your budget.
When you do things the right way, and take your time, you’re less likely to have regrets later on. Knowing the details of certain things provide more information for you to make the right choices, at the right time.
BE OKAY WITH CHANGING YOUR MIND
Sometimes it’s not too late to avoid wedding regrets.
Yes, changing course mid-wedding planning can be a pain. It can involve more work. More money. More judgement. However, if you feel, in your gut, that you will regret something if you don’t take action, see what you can do to change it.
Know that it’s okay to purchase the right items, sell the wrong ones, fire a vendor, hire a new one, add guests, uninvite someone, and even change your venue and date, if it is the right move for you. If you are planning something for your wedding, and it’s causing you stress, find a way to change course. Modify what you can, and see what you can do to avoid wedding regrets later.
DO YOUR RESEARCH
Alright, last one.
If you want to avoid wedding regrets, do your research. Look up reviews. Read blogs about wedding planning (if you’ve gotten this far on this post, you probably already do!). Talk to people who are married. Learn from other’s experience. Don’t assume you know better, unless you’re absolutely sure that you do.
Remember, talk to those who are also planning your wedding with you. Listen to their input and advice. They may be right. Plus, you can always research the how’s and why’s before making choices.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Friends, you’ve got this. Wedding regrets can be a beast. They can be super un-fun, and put a damper on the memories we have of our wedding days. Remember, it’s okay for your wedding not to be perfect. And, many things about your wedding likely were perfect. Do what you can do to accept what happened is in the past, and you should move on. Meditate. Talk to people. And let it go, in time.
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Thank you for this! Really needed these exact words to calm my spirit. It is hard to talk to my partner, friends, or family, who think the day was great. Being understood by a stranger and given advice hit where it needed to. Thank you.
I’m so happy that this post was able to give you some comfort. Wedding regrets can haunt anyone, and they are no fun to hold on to. Best wishes to you and your partner!