If you’re having a decent sized wedding, a rehearsal and rehearsal dinner can be an awesome way to work out any kinks and allow everyone to feel prepared.
The purpose of rehearsals is just that, to rehearse. When it comes to weddings, it allows those involved in the ceremony to be introduced to the space. In many cases, your bridal party or even your parents may have never seen it before. They will get to practice their role ahead of the actual wedding, when guests are looking at them. Afterwards, a rehearsal dinner is a nice way to say thank you. It also lets everyone get to know each other and become more excited about the wedding.
For some people, coordinating a rehearsal, and planning a rehearsal dinner, can seem like another undertaking when you’ve already got a wedding going on. I guarantee you, though, that rehearsals are an amazing complement to your wedding. They are also a step that shouldn’t be skipped. In some way, shape, or form, you will want to practice the ceremony before it happens. It will help your wedding become that much more enhanced.
Wedding Rehearsal & Rehearsal Dinner Basics
This post is going to help answer all your questions related to rehearsals and rehearsal dinners. From who is supposed to be there, when to have them, and who pays for dinner, I’ve got you covered. Keep in mind that rehearsals are often scaled in complexity with your wedding. This means that if you are having a small and simple wedding, your rehearsal will theoretically also be small and simple. Think of your rehearsal as a preview to the big event, with a lot less stakes.
WHY HAVE A REHEARSAL?
Practice makes perfect, right?
The purpose of a rehearsal is to practice the ceremony. It gives an opportunity for all the players to come together and go over how it will happen. Usually it is guided by a wedding planner, officiant, or even the couple themselves. It’s great because it allows you to ask questions, visualize, and practice how the ceremony will go. Typically, a rehearsal is the only chance that everyone will have to go over the ceremony, so it’s a huge step to help the wedding go smoothly.
WHAT DO YOU DO AT A REHEARSAL?
In my experience, I’ll lay out how a rehearsal typically goes.
Once everyone is gathered together, the lead coordinator (like the wedding planner or officiant) will call everyone’s attention. They will go over the flow of the ceremony, and the order that everyone will enter. Once everyone knows where they will be standing before they enter, their cue for entering, and where they will go once they are in the ceremony, the group will likely practice.
For most weddings, this isn’t really a complicated process, but there may be special nuances. For example, different songs may play for the groom, bridesmaids, and bride, so the group should be aware of which song is theirs. It’s also key to understand where everyone will stand once they enter the ceremony space. Fun fact, I once got confused as a bridesmaid and almost stood in the wrong place. Whops!
WHEN TO HAVE THE REHEARSAL
For the most part, rehearsals and rehearsal dinners take place the day before the wedding, but there are some variations on that.
Almost all rehearsals happen within a week of the wedding so they are fresh on everyone’s mind. There is no requirement that it has to be the day or night before. However, they are often right before the wedding because that’s when everyone has usually made themselves available for the wedding. Some bridal party members or family may have had to travel or make special accommodations to be there. Heck, even the couple themselves may be in that situation.
Same Day Rehearsals
If you can’t have your wedding rehearsal in the days leading up to the wedding, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Schedules, the availability of the venue, and logistics can impact having the rehearsal at the perfect time and place. You may even find that you have to have the rehearsal on your actual wedding day.
Here are some tips if your rehearsal will be the same day as your wedding:
- Make sure to schedule enough time for the rehearsal so your wedding day isn’t behind on time.
- Know that the couple getting married will have to see each other before the wedding, but you don’t necessarily have to be in your wedding clothes.
- If you have a lot to learn about the ceremony, or a lot to take care of before the wedding, a same day rehearsal may not be the best idea.
WHO COMES TO THE REHEARSAL?
Alright, so every wedding is different, but here is a general list of who would be invited to a rehearsal:
- The person coordinating the wedding ceremony, such as a pastor, officiant, wedding planner, day of coordinator, church coordinator, or anyone else who understands how the ceremony is planned.
- Anyone who needs to explain the ceremony space, rules, or regulations that everyone needs to be aware of. This is especially true for religious ceremonies.
- Everyone who is going to be walking down the aisle, including the couple, immediate family, bridal party, flower girls, dog walker, etc.
- Anyone who is speaking at the ceremony.
- Your photographer (optional, some photographers will just show up).
As you can see, this can add up to a lot of people. I suggest that you try to keep the attendees to a minimum. The more people hanging around the harder it is to coordinate, and the longer and more confusing a rehearsal could be. Any dates, plus one’s, or even spouses of people involved in the wedding, who are not in the ceremony, should plan on staying back and not getting in the way.
OTHER INFORMATION ABOUT REHEARSALS
I think you get the picture of why we have rehearsals, what to do at them, when they should take place, and who to invite. Let’s talk about a few more considerations:
- Rehearsals are typically about 30 minutes long, to an hour. The longer the ceremony, the bigger the wedding party, and the more complicated it is, the longer the rehearsal will take.
- You don’t need to have the ceremony music playing and available at the rehearsal, but it may help your wedding party understand their cues to enter.
- If you can’t have your rehearsal at your venue, have it at another location. Bring photos of your ceremony spot for reference, and practice a few times.
ALL ABOUT REHEARSAL DINNERS
Let’s get into the reception after the rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner.
WHY HAVE THE REHEARSAL DINNER
A rehearsal dinner is actually a really nice tradition. It’s a treat after the business of the rehearsal is over with. Everyone involved has just got a nice preview of how the wedding will go, and the dinner allows them to get to know each other a little more. Families can talk and meet each other, and friends can bond. Plus, it’s a wonderful thank you for your family and friends who are involved in the wedding.
Rehearsal dinners aren’t pivotal to the wedding, but they allow for a fun kick off, especially if they take place within a day or two of the wedding.
WHEN TO START PLANNING FOR THE REHEARSAL DINNER
Rehearsal dinners should be thought about at least a few months before the wedding.
Ideally, it would start with a guest list. See more about that below. Once you have the guest list, you can start looking for a place to have the dinner. This could be a restaurant, home, or outside venue, like a park. Determining who would be invited, where you will go, and how you will feed everyone is a great start to planning.
Keep in mind that you may not even have a dinner. A rehearsal reception can literally be at any time of day that works for you. Perhaps a brunch or lunch is more appropriate. You may even find that a late night party is best (though you may not want to do this the night before your wedding). The point is to find a time that makes the most sense for your crowd and situation, and go with that.
WHEN TO HAVE THE REHEARSAL DINNER
The only real guideline here is that the rehearsal dinner takes place after the rehearsal, but it can go both ways.
From there, you can let the rehearsal itself dictate when the dinner will take place. For most situations, having everyone gathered for the rehearsal and heading over to a dinner within a few hours makes the most sense. However, you may find that a rehearsal in the evening, followed by a brunch in the morning is what works best for your schedule. Or, a rehearsal one afternoon, and the dinner the following day. This all depends on what’s available, who is available, and what you envision.
WHO COMES TO THE REHEARSAL DINNER
The guest list for a rehearsal dinner is very subjective.
At the very least, invite those who are in the wedding. From there, you can do what works for you. A lot of couples will allow those in the wedding to bring the date that they are bringing to the wedding to the rehearsal dinner as well. Some other couples will include a broader group. This may range from out of town guests to literally the entire guest list of the wedding.
For us, for various reasons, we wanted to keep our rehearsal dinner small. So, we limited it to those in the ceremony (which was very tiny), and a couple friends who were helping out, plus their dates. We did not include out of town guests, mainly because of space issues, and we didn’t know their schedules or availability until right before the dinner itself. This is what made the most sense for us at the time.
Keep in mind that you can plan other events for out of town guests, if you want to keep your rehearsal small. This includes a Welcome Party or After Wedding Brunch.
OTHER INFORMATION ABOUT REHEARSAL DINNERS
For the most part, rehearsal dinners are pretty straightforward. However, there are a few more logistics to figure out.
Who Pays?
Traditionally, the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner. However, times have changed, and really anyone can pick up the tab. It all depends on everyone’s financial situation. I will strongly suggest that you do not ask your guests to pay for their own meals, though. A rehearsal is a preview, a thank you, for those who are part of your wedding. Attendance is expected by those who are invited, they shouldn’t have to pay for a ticket as well.
Where Do You Host It?
For the most part, I’ve seen rehearsal dinners at restaurants. If you’re having less than 30 people, renting a room at a reputable place is probably an easy thing to do. You can also have the dinner at someone’s house, with or without catering, or really anywhere. However, since you’re hosting a big event the next day, keep the rehearsal dinner easy.
For a more budget friendly event, you can host the rehearsal diner in a casual backyard. A backyard is beneficial because it allows for flexible food and timeline. It’s relaxed. You can even serve pre-made food from a local wholesale store, with recyclable utensils and plates. The drinks can be simple, too.
How Formal Are Rehearsal Dinners?
Rehearsal dinners can be as formal or informal as you want them to be. Some rehearsal dinners are just pizza and soda at a nearby family’s home. Some are a fancy meal at a nice venue.
However formal it is, I suggest giving your invited guests a heads up on what to wear and what to expect. This is also a great opportunity to ask certain people to say a few words in a toast or speech. Some of your more shy bridal party or family members may be more willing to speak at a rehearsal dinner because it is never as fancy or formal as the wedding would be.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
The main purpose of rehearsals and the following rehearsal dinners (or brunch, or lunch, or anything you want it to be) is to allow your family and bridal party to be more prepared for your ceremony. The side benefits are that they allow for quality time with them, a way to say thank you, and a preview into the wedding itself. Rehearsals are often the first step towards kicking off a wedding week or weekend. They are help make sure the ceremony goes smooth. So, plan ahead, have fun with it, and enjoy the process.
More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice:
Planning A Wedding In One Year: A Month By Month Guide
Wedding Speeches: Who, When, & How
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