Wedding Speeches (Who, When, & How)

Ah, wedding speeches.

I think I’ve seen at least a hundred wedding speeches in my life. Some were cringe-worthy (like the time a Maid of Honor had to drag the Best Man away from the microphone because he was rambling so much). A few were so touching I wish I could hear them again (like the one my mother gave at my wedding). Some were very long. Some were just a few seconds. Most fade into the background of my memories.

I’ve even given a couple speeches as well, both as a Maid of Honor and as a Bride. Now, I’m not going to brag or anything but I did make the bride and groom crack up like crazy at one of the weddings I spoke at.  I’ve even caused a few emotional tears at others.  Giving a speech is usually not the first thing people want to do when they attend a wedding.  However, it is typically something they feel honored and happy to do for those they love.

If you’re planning a wedding and want some advice on how to incorporate speeches, I’ve got all the details for you below. Take the advice with a grain of salt.  You will have to customize the advice for what works best for your own wedding and situation. If something doesn’t fit, change it so it does.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to wedding speeches (or weddings in general), so do what feels right for you.

WHO GIVES WEDDING SPEECHES

Typically, there are three different sets of people who give speeches at weddings.  Those are the parents of the people getting married, the leads in the wedding party (usually Best Man and Maid of Honor), and the actual people getting married. 

Parents

Often people will ask their parents to give a welcome speech or blessing before a meal. I usually see the fathers of the people getting married take the lead on the public speaking.   Mothers often join in, or go solo if the father isn’t at the wedding. In some cases, one set of parents will welcome guests (usually the one who is the main “host” of the wedding).  The other will say a prayer or blessing before dinner starts. Not everyone is religious, though, so it’s also common for each set of parents to just say a few words and leave it at that.

Wedding Party

Speeches by Best Men and Maids of Honor are usually really sweet and fun to listen to. Close friends and family know all the dirt on you, don’t they? While they aren’t out to embarrass the brides and grooms, usually friends will give a little background on how they know the person getting married.  They share why they care so much about them, and maybe a little promise or advice for the future. In almost all the BM / MOH speeches I’ve heard, they have been really heartfelt, had a few laughs, and in general a good time.

Brides/Grooms

In recent years I think speeches by the brides and grooms have become more mainstream. I will say, at most of the weddings I’ve been to, the groom has said something. However, you don’t always see the bride speak. I think it’s a matter of preference for the couple. At my own wedding, I made it a point to say a few words of thanks and welcome to the guests, but I am comfortable with public speaking.  A toast or speech is an option for brides and grooms.  It’s a nice and thoughtful touch if they go for it.

As I mentioned before, the order of speeches can vary based on your own wedding. My wedding had us (the bride and groom) giving the welcome speech, followed by parents, followed by the wedding party. Do what works best for you.

WHEN TO DO WEDDING SPEECHES

A good rule of thumb is to have speeches given when people are already seated for dinner.

Again, this may vary based on your wedding (you may not have a formal seated dinner), but when people are already congregated and seated it does make it much easier to gain their attention and focus. Plus, most guests are kind of expecting it at that point.

If you have a coursed meal, you can break up the speeches to be given between courses. For example, we had salad served and then we spoke, followed by our parents. Then the main course was served and our wedding party spoke. This seemed to break up the “listening” for guests and worked really well.

If you have a buffet or other food situation, wait until all guests have some food and then go into the speeches. This gives guests a little time to feed themselves, relax into the evening, and be able to focus when speeches are going on. In some weddings, speeches are given before cake cutting or other focused events. Beware of this as it may mean some guests miss the speech.

No matter how you schedule the speeches, it is important to have at least some breaks between speakers otherwise guests will get antsy. Even just a few minutes will allow guests to get up if needed, order another drink, finish their meal, and be more ready for the next round of speeches.

HOW TO ASK SOMEONE TO GIVE A SPEECH

It’s really important that the people giving a speech are aware of it well before the wedding day.

Blindsiding your wedding party or parents with this request may make them feel really stressed out, and ill-prepared for your ask of them. Give people at least a month to prepare for giving a speech. Let your loved ones know that you would feel honored if they said some words at your wedding, and that you are happy to help them if they need it.

While you don’t have to actually write or tell your loved ones what to say, it’s fair to give them some general guidelines. Remember, the goal here is to make guests feel good about this union and enjoy hearing what the speaker says. Sharing fun memories, words of wisdom, and well wishes always seem to go well. If needed, there are lots of guidelines online about wedding speeches that can be customized (guests will not be any wiser!). This is a great article to send someone who needs pointers on giving a wedding speech. 

Depending on the tone of your wedding, you may want to let your speakers know if you encourage a more humorous speech or want it to be serious. 

If you ask a loved one to give a speech, and they decline, be okay with it. Seriously, public speaking isn’t for everyone.  And you want them to enjoy your wedding day as much as possible. Alternate requests could be for them to say a few words at the rehearsal dinner or recite a reading during the ceremony.

TIPS FOR WEDDING SPEECHES

There are some general guidelines you should give to your speakers.

1. Their speech should be concise.

Not that there is a time limit, but if a speech goes longer than a few minutes, people start to lose their attention. A rule of thumb might be to keep each speech to three minutes or less, especially if you have multiple speakers back to back.

2. Let the speaker know how they will be cued to speak.

Usually there is a DJ, Day of Coordinator, or MC (Master of Ceremonies) who will help keep track of the wedding cadence and let each speaker know when it’s their turn.  However you do it, have a plan.  Someone  should be keeping the flow going, announcing who is speaking, and handing out a microphone.

3. Your speaker should have a general idea of the crowd, and how they will feel about certain jokes, words, or stories.

Depending on the wedding audience and the speaker, you may want to have a little talk about what’s inappropriate to say or share, and what to avoid. Things like swear words, embarrassing stories, politics, or offensive jokes may not go well at most weddings. If your speaker is likely to “go there”, you’ll want to make sure they know what’s okay and what’s not okay. 

If you feel like a certain speaker will cross boundaries that may make an uncomfortable experience for the listeners it is entirely fair for you to ask them not to speak at all.  This may mean some hurt feelings, but you’ll have to weigh what’s best for your wedding. 

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Speeches are an underestimated yet important part of any wedding. They don’t cost anything and they can give off a real sense of family and community. Plus, wedding speeches are usually really well received. When planning out speeches, consider the speaker, audience, and logistics, and everything will go very well. Enjoy!

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