Wedding Vows: More Tips For Writing and Preparing Your Own

This previous post about wedding vows has been so popular, I’ve decided to deep dive further into the subject of actually writing and preparing wedding vows. 

Wedding vows are one of those wedding items that really have to be tailored to the couple getting married, and are truly a personal preference.

Whether this means that they are a standard script, written by the couples themselves, or include personal anecdotes and promises, is up to the people getting married.  Each couple should have a pretty good idea of what will work best for them.  For some, there is comfort in going with a traditional wedding led by an officiant they know, love, and trust.  For others, they want a more personal spin on it.

When it comes to writing and preparing your own wedding vows, there are many different considerations.  From the actual writing part, to the public speaking, there may even be some anxiety that should be addressed.  If you’re able to put in a little effort ahead of the wedding, though, your wedding vows are likely to be a highlight for everyone lucky enough to hear them.  And, you won’t have any regrets about making them personal.

Wedding Vows: More Tips For Writing and Preparing Your Own

This post is going to walk you through how to write and prepare you wedding vows, if you want to make them personal to you and your partner.  It’s not necessarily for you if you’re going to stick with a tried-and-true officiant-led ceremony, but you may find some tips that work for either case.  If you want to get personal, it’s important to gather inspiration, encouragement, and guidance to feel you’re on the right track.

Let’s get into it!

WHY YOU MAY WANT TO WRITE YOUR OWN WEDDING VOWS

These days, it’s very common to write and recite your own personal wedding vows. 

You may find that you want to create your own vows because you understand the importance of the ceremony, and want it to be as special as possible.  Perhaps you are on the fence about it, but you know that it’s important to your partner.  You may want personal vows because you feel like it will make your wedding special and official.

While it is always nice to start the process of writing wedding vows early on, the great thing about them is that there isn’t really a time limit on when to start.  As long as you start with enough time for your comfort level, and have a chance to practice, you can make it happen.  The other great thing about personal vows is that they will help enhance your wedding, provide a better experience to your guests, and they don’t cost anything.

Because of all this, if you are at all inclined to write your own wedding vows, you should attempt to make them happen. 

DIFFERENT TYPES OF PERSONAL WEDDING VOWS

The wonderful thing about personal wedding vows is that you can customize them as much as you want.

Depending on your preference, you can have as much as an entire monolog, or a simple repeat-after-me sequence led by your officiant.  You can create a template for both you and your partner, or you can each surprise the other.  So, it’s a matter of finding the format that works best for you.  Let’s go over some different types of personal wedding vows to help you find the right one.

Speeches And Monologs

For lack of better terms, let’s call this section “speeches and monologs”. 

Essentially, this would be where you actually write a multi-paragraphed speech and say it out loud to your partner.  If you go this route you may want to add a little structure to it.  For example, you could start with what you love about your partner.  That could be followed by some ways that they have impressed you in your relationship, or a funny story.  From there, you could share your wishes for the future. 

If you are planning on having your wedding vows fit this structure, it is probably best to share it with your partner.  Together, you’ll each have a cohesive speech to share with the other, while still keeping elements of surprise. 

For an example of how this is done, you can read about what I did at my wedding in this post.

Promises

Okay, so maybe a long speech isn’t for you.  Promises may be appealing, though.

Promises is when you and your partner will literally share promises with each other.  They can be different promises, the same, or a mixture.  For instance, you may write out three to five promises that you both want to say to each other, and you each have to come up with two more that would be specific to the other person.  Keep in mind, that they should be a mixture of mostly serious or sentimental promises.  Funny ones are okay, but for most weddings, they don’t need to dominate.

If you go the promises route, you can have this after any words that your officiant states, and follow it with the whole “I Do” part of the wedding ceremony.  You can also find a lot of examples of promises online, if you’re having trouble with the wording. 

This is what my spouse and I promised each other at our wedding:

• Trust and respect you as your own person and realize that your interests, desires, and needs are no less important than my own.
• Share my time and attention and bring joy, strength, and imagination to our relationship.
• Support and encourage your dreams, and help shoulder our challenges.
• Be patient and kind to you always.
• Be true to you for the rest of my life.
• Love you in good times and in bad – completely and forever.

Repeat-After-Me Wedding Vows

Repeat-after-me is a great way to publicly speak, without actually having to feel like you’re publicly speaking.  

To go this method, you’ll first have to write out what you want to have said and then give it to your officiant.  You’ll then have a cadence where your officiant prompts you to repeat-after-them by stating the words, and then it’ll be your turn to say them.  This is a great if you want to be holding your partner’s hands during the vows, or looking into their eyes.  You won’t have to practice too much, either, with your officiant guiding you along. 

Private vs Public Wedding Vows

I’ll point something out that many couples don’t think about.  Your vows don’t have to be available for everyone to hear.

If you and your partner wish for your vows to be private, it is entirely possible for you to turn off your microphones, turn up the music, or whisper to each other to make sure that the only people who can hear them are you two.  This may be useful for deeply personal promises that you just want to share with your partner.  This is also something that doesn’t have to be all or nothing.  You could state some of your vows out loud for everyone to hear, and then keep some secret. 

A Mixture Of Them All

As you can tell, there are many different options when it comes to structuring your wedding vows.  And you’ll have to figure out what works best for you.

If you do want to have some sort of personal element in your vows, and like all of the options above, you can mix them up.  Have a speech prepared, followed by repeat-after-me promises.  State some of it out loud, and then keep a small portion private.  As the couple getting married, you should have freedom to design the wedding ceremony that feels the most authentic to you. 

ITEMS TO INCLUDE IN YOUR WEDDING VOWS

Okay, so you may have an idea of how you want to structure your ceremony.  Now, you’ll have to figure out what to say.

First off, know that it’s totally okay to look up ideas online for beautiful phrases, verses, lyrics, or anything else that speaks to you.  Why re-invent something that is already in existence, if it works? A quick web search or Pinterest scroll can pull up hundreds of useful words that you may want to include. 

It’s also absolutely alright to use your own words.  You can find inspiration for this in many different places.  To get started, you may want to start writing out the following things:

• What was your first impression of your fiancé?
• What’s been the best parts of your relationship?
• What was the hardest part of your relationship?
• Are there any funny stories to tell?
• Why do you want to marry this person?
• What do you love about them?
• How have you been changed by your partner?

When you answer questions like this, hopefully it makes it clear what you’ll want to say.  It may also make it clear what promises you may want to say to them. 

ORGANIZING THE ACTUAL WEDDING VOWS

Once you know the structure of your vows, how involved you want to be in the writing, and what you may want to bring up, it’s time to organize them into something that you can actually say out loud.

I suggest that you actually write out the sentences you want to say, and how you will say them.  To do this, you don’t have to be skilled at writing.  Just take into account how funny, serious, or emotional you want the vows to be.  You may also want to incorporate personal or religious elements into them.  It’ll help if you just get some sort of draft down on paper or digitally, that you can go back to and edit later.

When you organize your vows, you may find that you are able to create your own template for your partner as well.  These templates can provide you both guidelines so you’re able to put down on paper similar, yet different, elements. 

Here are a few examples of templates:

Example #1:

• Review what you love about your partner
• Tell your partner how they made you a better person, and why
• Go over what you would like for your future

Example #2:

• Tell your partner what made you fall in love with them
• Recite a poem/verse/lyric that makes you think of them
• State vows/promises

Example #3

• Thank your partner’s family
• Tell your partner what you love about them
• Go over a funny story
• State vows/promises

PREPARING FOR PUBLIC SPEAKING

Public speaking is one of the most common fears among humanity.  So, if you’re nervous about saying your wedding vows publicly, you’re not alone.

Here are some tips to help you be a more confident public speaker:

• Practice makes perfect.  Once you have your wedding vows written out, go over them out loud.  Visualize yourself saying them to your partner, and work on looking up into their eyes as you speak.
• Know that the crowd listening to your wedding vows really wants you to be comfortable saying them.  They won’t be able to tell if you’re nervous, either.
• Enunciate and use emotion while you speak.  Practice both of those things.
• Actually write in where to pause in your wedding vows.  When you speak publicly, you’ll probably speed up your speech.  Writing in where to pause and breath will help you slow down.
• Practice in front of close family and friends before the wedding.  They will likely encourage you and help you feel confident with your wedding vows.

When it comes to saying your personal wedding vows, it’s important to note that this isn’t a performance.  It’s a union with you and your partner.  You’re not there to impress anyone with your vows.   

OTHER TIPS FOR YOUR WEDDING VOWS

Alright, so there are a few other miscellaneous items to note about writing and preparing personal wedding vows. 

• Preparing your wedding vows is something that you should start early, and not wait until the night before or day of the wedding. 
• To start off, you may want to include your partner and go over their vision for the vows as well.  From there, you can separate and work on your own versions. 
• It’s okay to change your vows and create new iterations over time.  Chances are different thoughts, experiences, or ideas will come up that seem appropriate to incorporate.
• Practice is crucial, so don’t be afraid to practice every few days until you feel very confident in your words.
• Practice in front of other trusted friends and family to get their feedback.  This should help you feel more comfortable the more you do it. 
• Find a balance between personal and private.  Understand that some things may be a little too private to share in this space, and be sure to have a little decorum if you’re unsure about a topic to note. 
• You want your personal wedding vows to be sweet, and make people smile, but it’s not a comedy show. Beware of too much humor.
• Inside jokes may not land with your guests, so be careful not to use too many of them.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Personal wedding vows are one of my favorite things at any wedding.  They are always sweet, they make me smile, they make me cry, and I don’t know any couples that wished they hadn’t done them.  If you’re thinking about writing your own vows, hopefully this post has given you some guidance on what to include in them, how to prepare for writing them, and feeling comfortable with saying them out loud. 

More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice: 

12 Unity Ceremony Ideas & Customs

Why You Should Have An Unplugged Ceremony

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