These days, not having a traditional wedding is almost becoming a new tradition.
With more people getting married after they are financially established, the pandemic, and just a general shift to doing what feels right to us, it’s no wonder that traditional weddings are not as expected as they used to be. It’s just trendier to do what makes the most sense for you and your partner. And, hosting a wedding should be about just that.
So, what does it mean to have a non-traditional wedding? It may be that the wedding isn’t held on a weekend. Or, it has very few guests. Non-traditional weddings may be held at a venue that isn’t even meant for weddings. They could omit all the usual wedding traditions like dances, speeches, or formal clothes. Essentially, non-traditional weddings go against what’s expected from others.
Why Not Having A Traditional Wedding Is Totally Okay
If you and your partner want to have a wedding that isn’t traditional, and you’re feeling a bit weird about it, this post is for you. My goal is to help you feel confident in your vision. It’s going to compare tradition to reality, and hopefully allow you to see that not having a traditional wedding is totally okay. It’s all about identifying the kind of wedding that will appeal to you and your partner, and then setting your mind in the right place.
Let’s get into it!
REASON #1: YOUR EXPERIENCE IS DIFFERENT THAN OTHERS
First off, let’s talk about why your vision for your wedding may not line up with other people’s vision for your wedding.
We all have our own preconceptions about what a wedding is supposed to look like. Culture, age, and religion are all big influences for this. When it comes to what you’d like to see at your wedding, and what appeals to you, it just may not align with everyone else’s. And, the reasons probably have everything to do with other’s experiences.
If you’re not having a traditional wedding, and there are guests who don’t agree with it, try and let it go. Marrying into another culture, or into a family who has a different vision, may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
REASON #2: THE PANDEMIC CHANGED EVERYTHING
I believe that the pandemic has changed weddings forever.
Why, you might ask?
Well, because of the pandemic, we are now open to do so many things that we weren’t before. Micro weddings, digital invitations, and virtual bridal showers were all exempt from our vocabulary in 2019, but are now front and center today. Because of the pandemic, we are more focused on quality, rather than quantity, at least when it comes to weddings. It’s made us step back and really prioritize what’s important to us.
So, if you’re not having a traditional wedding, you’re not alone. Many, many people who have gotten married since March, 2020 have reassessed and changed their wedding plans to fit the situation and what makes sense for them.
REASON #3: NOT EVERYTHING IS FOR EVERYONE
Here’s the thing to keep in mind with your wedding. Not everything is for everyone.
No matter what kind of wedding you have, there will be someone who disagrees with your choices. They may not be vocal about it, but they will have their thoughts. And that’s okay, because we all have our own style and preferences. Your wedding is about what works for you and your partner. If you want it to be a certain way, that is your right.
So, if certain traditions seem tacky to you, skip them. If you love something that most others find cheesy, keep it. If the idea of hosting your wedding on a rooftop in the winter appeals to you, go for it. Want to enter your wedding alone, wearing a pink dress, to the tune of Metallica? You do you. No matter what you do, you’re not going to please everyone, so you might as well do what you like.
REASON #4: WEDDING BUDGETS VARY
One of the reasons why you may not have a typical, traditional, wedding is because of your budget. It may be bigger or smaller than what others in your community had for their weddings, and can change things up.
For some people, it’s more common for weddings to have a big budget. If yours does not have a big budget, it could mean that some “traditional” items have to be cut. For example, you may not have a full bar. Or a late-night snack. Perhaps your wedding is in a backyard. Or, on a Sunday.
On the flip side, you may be spending more on your wedding than what others spent on theirs. You might have it in your budget to have a horse drawn carriage and a designer ball gown. It might be possible for you to arrive in a helicopter. Budget may not be the biggest consideration for you, and this might be jarring to some guests.
The thing is, either situation is okay. Do what works best for your wedding, with the budget you have.
REASON #5: YOUR WEDDING IS FOR YOU & YOUR PARTNER
Here’s the thing. It’s yours and your partner’s wedding. Not your guests.
Yes, you want your guests to enjoy themselves. However, it’s not a party.
A wedding is a sacred union between two people. This means that at the end of the day, you don’t have to compromise for your preferences, your bank account, or your sanity, for other people’s experiences. Your wedding is not supposed to be the best day ever for your guests, it’s supposed to be special for you and your partner. And, if this means that you divert from tradition, so be it.
REASON #6: TRADITION ISN’T WHAT IT USED TO BE
A big reason why it’s okay not to have a traditional wedding is because traditions are changing.
Hundreds of years ago, the tradition was that the groom’s family would pay the bride’s family a dowry. We don’t usually see that anymore in American culture. And, it was tradition for people to get married in their teens or early 20’s. Again, more couples are older, more established, and perhaps even live with their partner these days.
We can’t assume that the bride’s family will pay for the wedding anymore than we can assume that the bride will walk down the aisle with her father. Today, weddings traditions have shifted to be what we make them to be. So, if anyone rolls their eyes because your wedding is not “traditional”, just tell them that you’re making new traditions.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
To sum up this post, wedding traditions are changing. It’s totally okay to stick to the tried-and-true wedding traditions that have been prevalent for decades. However, if you decide not to have a traditional wedding, and are feeling some pressure from others to change that, know that it’s okay to stick with your plan. Other’s experience, budget, and style may differ from yours. Your wedding should be about curating the experience to match your vision, and feeling okay with that.
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