Why Wedding Planning Is So Stressful

Have you ever wondered why wedding planning is so stressful? Why we lose sleep, gain anxiety, and prevent ourselves from enjoying the process of planning a wedding?

Me too.

I mean, the whole point of this website is to help people actually enjoy planning their wedding. To break down wedding topics into manageable posts so others can learn from them. And, while I like to think I make a small dent in wedding planning anxiety for some, of course wedding planning is still stressful for others.

I believe that I’ve been able to drill down to the main reasons why wedding planning is so stressful. Of course, there are a million other reasons that can add up. However, for the majority of weddings, our stresses can be attributed to some major (and common) causes. The bad news is, the causes are what they are. The good news is that you can approach them and deal with them if they are the source of your stress.

This post is going to go over the major reasons why wedding planning is so stressful. My goal with this post is to validate the negative feelings that those planning weddings may be experiencing. I also hope to give some guidance to help prevent or deal with the major stressors. Hopefully it helps. Remember, if your wedding planning stress is out of control, there are ways to deal with it. I go over them in this post on dealing with wedding planning stress.

Let’s get into the major causes.

YOU’RE TRYING TOO HARD TO BE PERFECT

Perfectionism can be a major wedding planning stressor.

Think about it.

Perfectionism is what we see online when we look at weddings. It’s what we imagine our weddings will be. Perfectionism rules it’s ugly head whenever we are faced with a challenge. It pushes us to do more, do better, even when it’s unattainable. Perfection does not exist. At least not with weddings.

The thing is, if you want things to be perfect, you will set yourself up for disappointment. Being perfect can be overrated. Every wedding has things go wrong. The sooner you, or anyone planning a wedding, accepts this, the sooner your anxiety will lessen. Things happen. Plans do not always go to plan. And while we can try our best, we have to know it’s okay to let perfectionism go.

Wedding planning is so stressful because perfectionism may be in the back of our heads, telling us what we’re planning isn’t good enough. It prevents us from delegating. It makes us take too much on, and it’s an unachievable goal. Be okay with less-than-perfect. I promise, your wedding will still be amazing.

THE WHOLE SPENDING ALL THE MONEY THING

You knew that a post about wedding planning stressors was going to bring up money right?

(Yes, you were right).

Spending money can be super stressful. More specifically, spending money you don’t have can be super stressful. Borrowing money, having your family lend you money, or going into debt to gain money can all create anxiety.

It’s more than just not having enough money to spend on your dream wedding. Planning a wedding can showcase differences on how you and your partner value money. Spending money on your wedding, especially if it’s from your savings, can bring up worries for the future, and how your marriage will be impacted over it. It really is a preview of how you will work together with money.

The easiest way to avoid wedding planning stress caused by money is to know how much money you have to spend on your wedding, before you start planning. This post can help you determine that amount. After you are aware of what your budget is, set your expectations with your partner. Know what your priorities are, what you have to spend, what you want to spend, and how you will work together to plan a wedding you can afford.

If it’s “too late”, and you’re way over-budget on your wedding, it’s time to look at your options. You can attempt to downsize, cancel, reschedule, etc. Or, you can see if you can work towards paying for your wedding with cash, as outlined in this post, or talking to your family, in this post.

DEALING WITH FAMILY / PLANNING TO THEIR EXPECTATIONS

Weddings can really showcase other’s expectations of you, can’t they?

Sometimes wedding planning is so stressful because of other’s involvement. I’m talking about your family. Your partner’s family. Anyone who has an opinion about your wedding, and how it should be. It may be explicit, or it may be subtle. It can even be the expectations you put on yourself to please other people as you plan your wedding. In any case, it’s stressful.

If you are being explicitly told how to plan your wedding by your families, it can open up a whole can of feelings you’re not used to. If this is the case, be clear about what you want. Hold your boundaries. Know what you are okay with compromising. In some situations, you’ll end up disappointing someone. It happens.

The key is to be unified with your partner about what you both want. And, you both need to “deal” with your respective families if a line is crossed. If you find that your family is getting a bit overbearing, you need to address it with them, maturely and tactfully. If your partner’s family is causing you wedding planning stress, it’s up to your partner to nip that in the bud. Be partners here, and have each other’s back.

GETTING AND STAYING ORGANIZED CAN BE TOUGH

Wedding planning is so stressful sometimes because there are just so many moving pieces.

There are vendors, décor, guests, appointments, and every little detail. It can be very overwhelming, and if you don’t have a good system to track and keep things organized, it’s easy for items to get out of hand. And, with disorganization comes confusion and frustration. Which leads to stress and anxiety. These are not good feelings.

I’m not saying you need to be like the “Home Edit” girls and be meticulous with your wedding planning. I am saying that you need a system. It can be as simple as a folder that you keep. Or, it can be a OneNote or spreadsheet file on your computer that helps you understand where you are with your planning. As long as you have your information centralized, and can access it easily, wedding planning will be less stressful.

Want some tips of things that you should keep track of to stay organized? I suggest that you keep the following items in an easy to access location:

Vendor contracts
Guest names and addresses
To do list or schedule
Upcoming appointments or event dates
Ideas, plans, or inspiration

Like I said, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be functional for you.

IT CAN BE TOUGH TO MELD YOUR VISION WITH YOUR PARTNER’S VISION

I don’t know about you, but wedding planning would have been way easier for me if my partner had no opinions. At least, on the surface.

Look, it’s hard to meld your vision with that of another person. The thing is, though, is that this is their wedding, too. And, they may have been thinking about it for some time. While you may take the lead on planning the wedding, it’s important to take their opinions into account. Trust your partner so you can help see things their way, even if it may be difficult. You never know, you may find that they end up being right about something later on.

If you’re clashing styles with your partner while planning your wedding, I suggest giving them a “jurisdiction”. This means that you pick out a wedding planning aspect that you don’t particularly care about. Something that you don’t really want to plan anyway. And give it to them to take care of. If you’re stressed about schedule, give them a deadline to take care of it before you take it back. Just give it to them, let them focus on it, and have complete control of the outcome. You’ll be able to go back to planning the things you really do care about.

DIVIDING WEDDING PLANNING DUTIES WITH YOUR PARTNER ISN’T ALWAYS EASY

Along the same lines as aligning your wedding vision with your partner is having an appropriate split of wedding planning tasks.

It’s easy to feel overworked when you’re the only one doing everything. And, it’s easy to feel left out if your partner won’t give you any control. If you and your partner are struggling to work together to plan your wedding, you need to start communicating about it.

I suggest that you start with a task list. Sit down together and look at it. Start to divide and conquer, taking on tasks that you are each good at. Talk about the tasks that need to be done together, and the tasks that can be worked on separately. Basically, decide who will take the lead on certain things. Continue to meet to review what’s been done, and what’s next.

The key with this is to stay organized and communicate. Also, create the plan together. It’s not about delegating and bossing someone around. It’s about working as a team to accomplish a shared goal.

If you work together, and give thanks to each other for what’s been done, you’ll enjoy wedding planning a lot more, and so will your partner.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Friends, there are many reasons why wedding planning is so stressful. Weddings are big events, even if they are small events. They can cause a lot of financial stress, and involve families in unexpected ways. Working with your partner can be difficult, as can staying organized. At the end of the day, though, you’ve got this. Wedding planning isn’t forever. Being intentional, staying ahead of issues, and working with your partner will all help. Happy wedding planning!