How To Write Your Own Wedding Vows

I respect that some people are in the camp that they do not want to write their own wedding vows, no matter what.

Writing your own wedding vows is not for everyone. It’s deeply personal, involves public speaking and reading your own words out loud.  It can be downright daunting.  However, I promise you if you write your own vows it will be amazing. I’m very supportive of it, for many reasons.  

Why am I so supportive of folks who want to write their own wedding vows?

Hearing two people say their own vows to each other is by far the highlight of most weddings. It’s basically the point of the whole thing. It adds an element of romance and love, and often the vows are personal enough to get a glimpse into the people saying them. Plus, this is something that doesn’t cost anything and is so hard to mess up.

How To Write Your Own Wedding Vows

To be fair, I’ve been to lots of weddings that went both ways. The ceremony’s that didn’t have personal vows were fine, but the ones that did definitely stick out in my mind more.

For example, I’ve been to a wedding where the bride wrote her vows the day of, on a hotel writing pad.  I’ve been to a wedding where the groom said exactly what the bride said (she wrote vows for both of them). Everyone laughed when he shyly said “you make me laugh, you make me cry”. I’ve seen both the people getting married were crying during the vows, causing them to pause before continuing. There have also been weddings where both people were laughing, and so were the guests.

You get the point. There’s a lot of ways that vows can go, but every single one of them is special.

If you are interested in writing your own wedding vows, and don’t know where to start, you’re in the right place. I’ll share with you what we did, and you can modify as you want.

HOW TO WRITE YOUR OWN WEDDING VOWS

To be clear, both my husband and I are comfortable with writing and public speaking.  We wanted to make sure that there was a uniformity between us when we spoke. There were still some mishaps (see this post for more details on that).  However, to insure as much cohesiveness as possible, I created a sort of template for each of us to follow.

Here’s how it looked:

1. Thank the family of the other person

We decided to start off our vows by acknowledging the parents of the other person.  After that, we mentioned traits in the parents that we saw in our partner, and traits in our partners that could only have come from a great upbringing.  We felt it was very important to bring these important people into the moment. 

2. Tell the other person why you love them

This was pretty easy to write and say because we just went over what we loved about each other.  Telling my spouse why I loved him only took a few sentences.  However, those words helped our guests to understand what the other person was all about and what we saw in each other.

3. Share stories where the other person was there for you

This was very, very personal.  Some of the examples were funny (like when I knew he was the one when he watched every episode of Sex and the City with me), some were practical (like when he mentioned I stood by him while he grew his business), and some were very emotional (like when John was there when my father passed away). 

4. Recite promises (these were the same for both of us)

I found these online and they spoke to me.  We both said this to each other: 

In our marriage, I promise to trust and respect you as your own person and realize that your interests, desires, and needs are no less important than my own.

I promise to share my time and attention and bring joy, strength, and imagination to our relationship.

I promise to support and encourage your dreams, and help shoulder our challenges.

I promise to be patient and kind to you always.

I promise to be true to you for the rest of my life.

I promise to love you in good times and in bad – completely and forever.

That was it. We both followed this format, and we were told by many, many guests that it was beautiful, heartfelt, and very touching.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

I was happy that we had a guideline to follow, as it provided some consistency without ruining the surprise of what we going to say to each other. Feel free to use this format if you’re thinking of doing your own vows, and enjoy every minute of it, no matter what you do.

More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice: 

12 Unity Ceremony Ideas & Customs

Seven Things Wedding Guests Actually Care About

How To Have A Wedding For Less Than $5,000

Did you find this post useful, inspiring?  Save THIS PIN to your Wedding Ceremony Board on Pinterest!