There are five crucial topics to talk about before you get married, no matter how great your relationship is.
I’ll start off this post by reminding everyone that I’m no expert on marriage. However. . . I think a little common sense goes a long way with making sure you will start off on the right foot, with the right partner. These are my suggestions of topics to make sure you and your partner can prevent (or predict) issues later on.
We all have heard the statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce. Now, if you account for certain factors like age, length of time together before marriage, children before marriage, and education, the numbers are actually much lower. And you can give yourself a higher success rate of staying married FOR LIFE, if you make sure to get on the same page as your partner with these five major things.
FIVE CRUCIAL TOPICS TO TALK ABOUT BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED
1. MONEY
Money can be a huge cause of stress in a marriage.
If one or both of you is comfortable with spending or debt, it can cause financial ruin in the long run. It is so, so important that before you get married you decide how you will share, save, and spend your money. Will you join your bank accounts? How much will you both contribute the same amount to the bills? Will both of you even go to work? How will you plan financially for your long term goals like buying a house or retiring? These are crucial conversations to have BEFORE you join yourselves legally.
2. CHILDREN
If you talk to enough people who have been divorced, you will definitely find some who got divorced because the other wanted or didn’t want children.
Children are a huge blessing and a huge life change, and they are not for everyone. Before you get married, talk about it. Talk about if you want kids, and if you want a relatively similar number of them (if you want 2 and he wants 3, it might not be as big a deal as if you want 1 and he wants 6), and when you want them. These are not the types of things you want to figure out when you’re ready for a baby and he’s not (ever).
3. RELIGION
Look, people of different religions get married all the time and make it all work out great.
I’d bet that those people have a mutual respect for the other’s beliefs and practices, and they aren’t trying to change that about their partner. You may not have grown up with the same faiths, but it’s important that you are supportive of what the other does, whether it’s a certain type of prayer, celebration, or ritual. This may come into play as you actually plan your wedding, and also if you have children. Get on the same page now before you get married about any religious elements that will be incorporated at your celebration, and if you will want to raise your kids with your faith.
4. CLEANLINESS
If you’re a couple that has lived together before marriage, maybe you’ve already worked this one out.
Usually each couple has a partner that is cleaner than the other, and one that is more comfortable with a mess or clutter. Talk about your expectations of each other before you live together. Let your partner know that you don’t intend to clean up after them like a parent, or that you do intend to keep your home in a certain type of order. Make sure you’re both on board with that. I know that in my own marriage, I tend to get rid of stuff very easily while my husband likes to hold on to things. We have to respect that about each other and each make compromises.
5. WHERE YOU WILL LIVE
This one may not be a big deal now, but it could become an issue later.
Does one of you want to move out of the city you’re currently at? Are you willing to live abroad, or somewhere that more suits your preferences, like a cooler or warmer climate? Or do you have families that live far apart? Maybe you really want to live closer to your parents when you have kids? Or do you dream of retiring somewhere in the woods or by the beach? Talk about these dreams with your partner. Hash out now if they will be supportive of them, or if their roots where you currently live will make it more difficult for you to live out your dreams later on in life.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
There you have it. There are so many things to discuss before you get married. Your lives are about to completely intertwine and be so dependent on each other. Hopefully you get aligned with each other’s dreams and help make it all come true!
More From Hummingbird Wedding Advice:
11 Things Brides and Grooms Forget To Do The Morning Of Their Wedding
10 Things To Do The Night Before Your Wedding
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[…] Another big thing to take care of in these months is to look into premarital counseling with your local church or other counselor. These sessions can help hash out any major marital red flags and prepare you for married life. You can also check out this post on crucial conversations to have before getting married. […]