For the most part having an engagement party seems to be optional. I feel like in some social groups they are considered essential, but where I come from in California, they just aren’t that common.
Though they certainly aren’t a required part of getting married, in recent years I have gone to three engagement parties and would love to share my experiences.
Let me tell you about each of the situations, as each of them was very different from the rest, and hopefully they will each give you a feel for what an engagement party may look like:
ENGAGEMENT PARTY EXAMPLES
Engagement party #1
The couple hosted this party themselves. It was at a trendy bar, during “happy hour” on a Saturday. There were about 40 people there, with a hosted wine and beer bar and light snacks. Mostly it was mingling and congratulating. Some gifts were given to the couple.
Engagement party #2
The bride’s family hosted this party at a family residence. It started during the day on a Saturday and lasted until late in the night. There were about 60 people there, with lots of homemade food and lots of booze. Mostly it was mingling and congratulating, with one touching speech by the bride’s family. Most of the guests brought gifts.
Engagement party #3
A friend hosted this party at her house. It was the night before Thanksgiving. There were 6 people there (7 if you count my friend’s sleeping toddler). Mostly it was dinner, drinks, and one gift given.
In each case, it was a good time!
In non-pandemic times, having a big party like one of the ones mentioned above might fit you nicely. Or perhaps a smaller, more intimate evening is more your style. Either way you should do what works for you.
Long story short, engagement parties are a nice touch, but there are some key items to consider:
1. WHO WILL HOST IT
If you want an engagement party, don’t be afraid to throw it yourself or ask family to host it for you. It doesn’t seem to be as faux pas as say, throwing yourself a baby shower. This is an opportunity to celebrate your upcoming wedding and introduce loved ones to each other.
2. WHO TO INVITE
Only invite people who you are absolutely sure you’ll invite to your wedding. This should be a no brainer, but I have been invited to pre-wedding festivities before, and not the actual wedding (those people are clearly very rude). It’s not a feel-good time.
3. GIFTS
Don’t expect gifts, but do expect a lot of congratulations. Gifts are a bonus when it comes to these types of parties. Especially since you’ll be getting gifts at your actual wedding (and shower, if you have one).
4. ATTITUDE AND BEHAVIOR
Enjoy! This is the time to get excited and “kick off” your wedding planning. Plus, it may give your loved ones a preview into their new extended families. What a wonderful way to preview what your wedding may be like!
Bottom line, engagement parties are wonderful as long as they are relatively stress free and fit the couple. If you have a big family, or lots of friends, and you can safety celebrate with them, you should go for it.
And if you end up not having the party, it’s no biggie. You’ll have the wedding to make up for it.
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[…] Now that you have booked your photographer, schedule an engagement shoot to get to know him or her better. These photos are often used in Save The Dates and Invitations, so get them done sooner rather than later. If your family is inclined, someone may also throw you an engagement party. […]